"Do people have to be female to be called "her"?"
Yeah.
#
"Most are happy to call Dame Edna Everage "she" and it doesn't mean she's a woman, just a feminine character."
A character created by a professional actor, somebody paid to act.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dame_Edna_Everage
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barry_Humphries
#
"Your ideas are about half a century behind"
Old is not synonymous with outdated.
#
"and disregard much evidence based on history, observation and brain scans that gender is mostly, but not truly, binary and some individuals will be more middling than others."
Yeah, I'm sure you can throw anecdotes (cuz that's mostly what 'history' & 'observations' are) and 'science' at me to support your view. I can do the same. Let's just say we did and agree to disagree (cuz you ain't convincin' me and vice versa).