of late in my studies, I have felt like I am nibbling on
the outskirts of something important.... like I am eating the
edges of some great sandwich that if I could only get to,
would be something life changing...its not like I am missing something
as much as I am not getting to where I need to be...one of
the interesting things about life is not what I am engaged with,
but what I am not finding...I can't even call this dissatisfaction....
what I feel is lighter than just plain old dissatisfaction.....
I don't feel the burden of the world on me.. those days are long over,
no, what I think is, that I haven't gotten to the whole picture yet...
I have bits and pieces, but not the essence of it, something....
I am on the right path, I know that... I just can't make that turn
around the corner...
I feel like I am just writing cliche after cliche, but at this point,
that is all I got....
I find this frustrating philosophically, because I know I am close to..
something...unlike many here, I am not afraid of doubt or skepticism....
I find that they, doubt and skepticism, serve a very important purpose....
to help keep one on track... but on track to what?
it always helps to have a goal or point one is aiming for? so,
what is my goal, my point, that I am aiming for?
Am I to discover something new or should I discover something that is fundamental
to me.....I don't know... and in many, many ways, the most important sentence
in philosophy is or should be, I don't know..... and that sentence
has dominated my life... I don't know.....
and how do I answer, I don't know? by learning what it means to know..
or even how to find that answer.... at work, many, many people
approach me asking all sorts of questions...
and I may know some answers, but the most important answer I give is,
I don't know, but my gift is to find out who does know.. where is that answer
found? and today, where is that answer found? I have to look it up...
so, the most important words I utter today is, I don't know.....
and they are the most important words I live by.... I don't know.....
Kropotkin