Regrets. I've had a few

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Gary Childress
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Regrets. I've had a few

Post by Gary Childress » Sun Jan 27, 2019 3:39 am

If you could live your life over again, would you choose differently along some point regarding something you did?

When I was younger I had a few chances at romance that I look back on now and realize that I completely botched them. On the one hand I wish I had those chances over again. On the other hand I look at myself back then and realize it was for the better. I wasn't ready for those opportunities. I was too immature and stupid (probably still am compared to others my age). It's a tough call. Would I want to go back and go through the same thing except for a different outcome, knowing that maybe later down the road would be greater disaster had I pursued those initial "successes" further? Or am I OK with the way things turned out now?

Granted I don't consider my current life ideal by any ethical, aesthetic or noble standard. But it seems kind of appropriate for me, like things turned out as best as they could have for someone who was just more screwed up and confused than almost everyone else around me at the time. Such is life. And it's not all bad. It could be worse. It could be worse had I "succeeded" in those moments when I believe I did not.

...if you know what I mean.

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bahman
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Re: Regrets. I've had a few

Post by bahman » Mon Jan 28, 2019 9:45 pm

Why regret? It is your life. You may have done mistakes. But life is challenging. It is about predicting future. We are amazing.

surreptitious57
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Re: Regrets. I've had a few

Post by surreptitious57 » Mon Jan 28, 2019 10:35 pm

Were you to live your life all over again then you would only make different mistakes
I have no desire to do that and so would rather finish this life and let that be the end

Impenitent
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Re: Regrets. I've had a few

Post by Impenitent » Mon Jan 28, 2019 11:07 pm

you are what you do

self hatred is not good

-Imp

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henry quirk
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Post by henry quirk » Mon Jan 28, 2019 11:19 pm

I only regret not puttin' certain folks in the ground when I had the chance.

Too late now.

Logik
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Re: Regrets. I've had a few

Post by Logik » Tue Jan 29, 2019 11:11 am

No.

I live my life by a regret minimisation framework.

It only works a priori, not a posteriori of the choices you face. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.

Fun-fact. Counter-factual regret minimisation is the most viable poker-playing AI strategy to date: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htRtfyab-Ns

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QuantumT
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Re: Regrets. I've had a few

Post by QuantumT » Tue Jan 29, 2019 4:58 pm

I've got six regrets that'd I'd change, if I got the chance. Most of them was from before I became an adult.
All of them are 100% - no hesitation - give me a Groundhog day, please - regrets.

And by the way, the '69 "My Way" song is a cover, not a Sinatra original. It was first recorded in '67 by Claude François as "Comme d'habitude".

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/My_Way
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=avr5nvY4wxg

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Lacewing
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Re: Regrets. I've had a few

Post by Lacewing » Tue Jan 29, 2019 8:04 pm

There are things in my life that I wish I had done differently or avoided. Of course, I don't know what the results of that would have been. I think of life as artwork: sometimes we might make a big mess on the canvas, and want to paint over it with something more pleasing. Practice and mistakes can improve our skill and results. Life has been a canvas for me in that way.

Gary, I think you have some very good insights... even though you seem rather hard on yourself. If we use the awareness that we've gained from our past ventures, what might we create NOW? Imagine yourself 5 years from now, looking back and being glad at the artwork you bravely indulged in now. Imagine yourself being in awe with a big smile on your face. :D

Frank N Stein
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Re: Regrets. I've had a few

Post by Frank N Stein » Wed Jan 30, 2019 12:04 am

Decent people are always hard on themselves. It's the giant a'holes who never waste a second on self-doubt or remorse.

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henry quirk
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"giant a'hole"

Post by henry quirk » Wed Jan 30, 2019 12:20 am

guilty

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Greta
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Regrets. I've had at least one

Post by Greta » Wed Jan 30, 2019 7:47 am

It kills me that I didn't think of the username Mona Log before joining. There for the taking and I simply missed it, alas.

Otherwise, no, I don't much regret. Whatever I screwed up was because I either didn't know better at the time or had a brain fade. Some screwups unexpectedly turned out okay. Some of the good things I did now seem ineffectual, like throwing cups of water on a burning paddock.

I used to think that I'd not lived up to various of my potentials. In hindsight, I'd simply overrated myself by not appreciating that particular talents are not enough to succeed if there's other inhibiting or mediocre factors about oneself. I think this overrating of one's own potentials is common - a double-edged sword that can motivate us to stretch but can also create unnecessary (and unfair) self loathing and criticism.

You are a little hominid, a product of inherited qualities and conditioning, doing more or less the best you can manage with what you have. Be kind to that little hominid.

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-1-
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Re: Regrets. I've had at least one

Post by -1- » Wed Jan 30, 2019 4:58 pm

Greta wrote:
Wed Jan 30, 2019 7:47 am
It kills me that I didn't think of the username Mona Log before joining. There for the taking and I simply missed it, alas.

Otherwise, no, I don't much regret. Whatever I screwed up was because I either didn't know better at the time or had a brain fade. Some screwups unexpectedly turned out okay. Some of the good things I did now seem ineffectual, like throwing cups of water on a burning paddock.

I used to think that I'd not lived up to various of my potentials. In hindsight, I'd simply overrated myself by not appreciating that particular talents are not enough to succeed if there's other inhibiting or mediocre factors about oneself. I think this overrating of one's own potentials is common - a double-edged sword that can motivate us to stretch but can also create unnecessary (and unfair) self loathing and criticism.

You are a little hominid, a product of inherited qualities and conditioning, doing more or less the best you can manage with what you have. Be kind to that little hominid.
In retrospect of my life, Greta, my view is a carbon copy of yours. Several potentials I did not live up to, due to extenuating circumstances. And no, they are not empty excuses -- heavy stuff.

On the other hand, what is it that I would have regretted, if I omitted or did the opposite? Well, the one thing that helped me a GREAT deal in my life is shutting my big mouth up, and going with the flow. I shudder what stupid things I almost said, that could have cut my career in half or made my life miserable -- more miserable than the one given. In these times when I kept my mouth shut, I had no idea that my ideas were stupid, and because of that, it's a miracle I did not voice them. But in several spots along the way I did not, and that saved my skin.

Another thing that is the opposite of regret, is going with the flow. Several mundane, or else automatic, choices, that a five-year-old child could have done, worked brilliantly in my favour.

There were regrets, too; yes, there were. But I forgot them. I am old enough to forget, too young to ... too young to... where was I?

Oh, well.

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Greta
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Re: Regrets. I've had at least one

Post by Greta » Wed Jan 30, 2019 11:23 pm

-1- wrote:
Wed Jan 30, 2019 4:58 pm
There were regrets, too; yes, there were. But I forgot them. I am old enough to forget, too young to ... too young to... where was I?
Oh, well.
I relate to this. I don't remember much, mostly just recall when prompted.

I am not convinced that human social and economic dynamics are nearly as important as this deeply egocentric species likes to think. How we treat ALL living things on the whole seems more important than social graces or being a good citizen. One can be technically a good citizen within a family, a social group, a society or a species and still be an entropic scourge to everyone and everything else.

In fact, in many circles it's a prerequisite to sacrifice other parts of nature as offerings to other people or to use those resources as a prop to gain acceptance. The action looks nicer to the recipients of the largesse than it really is.

commonsense
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Re: Regrets. I've had a few

Post by commonsense » Wed Jan 30, 2019 11:56 pm

Given another chance, I would not cheat, steal or kill.

gaffo
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Re: Regrets. I've had a few

Post by gaffo » Thu Jan 31, 2019 4:48 am

commonsense wrote:
Wed Jan 30, 2019 11:56 pm
Given another chance, I would not cheat, steal or kill.
my greatest regret was not lying to my stepmother 25 yrs ago (who died a few yrs later), and said in my silence - thus not lying - that i did not love her.

I should have lied, the greater good.

but i was young an naive and believe "never lie"/Truth and all that was the greater good.

its not, i know that now.

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