Psychological question

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jarviguy
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Dec 13, 2018 2:35 pm

Psychological question

Post by jarviguy » Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm

My greetings great minds!
I need help from you.

My question is simple, but the answer is not.

How to accept myself as I am? How to stop dislike stuff about me?

I've read a ton of articles and books, they don't help. They don't get the point. In society I am ashamed of myself, I worry about what I say and how I say, how I would be treated. It brings me a lot of discomforts and I want to get rid of this feeling. I know that the answer is TO ACCEPT MYSELF, but it's not that simple

I'm not asking to do my homework for me, just a little friendly help

Hope to hear some valuable practical advice. I'm pretty tired of such a life.

Thank you
Last edited by jarviguy on Fri Dec 21, 2018 9:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Age
Posts: 1980
Joined: Sun Aug 05, 2018 8:17 am

Re: Psychological question

Post by Age » Mon Dec 17, 2018 3:22 pm

jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
My greetings great minds!
I need help from you.

My question is simple, but the answer is not.

How to accept myself as I am?
Know thy Self first.

Then you will, naturally, be accepting of this Self.

I know that is a lot easier said then done, especially when there is no role model to follow. No one else, has of yet, been able to clearly write down and explain HOW TO find, and KNOW they Self.

And, if no one else has been able to show how to do this yet, then you are certainly NOT expected to know how to do it either.

jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
How to stop dislike stuff about me?
First clarify, openly and honestly, what is the "stuff", supposedly about 'you', that is disliked.

I think you will find that the "stuff" that you do not like about 'you' is NOT actually who or what 'you' are.
jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
I've read a ton of articles and books, they don't help. They don't get the point. In society I am ashamed of myself,
If "society", which admittedly is just a group of human beings who also do NOT have a clue who they are, have laid a foundation down where people living in that society feel ashamed, then that is the cause and result of that "society", which is honestly made up just a group of people who they, themselves, do NOT know who they really are, then feeling "ashamed" is an actual condition of the "society" and NOT of you at all.

I could say and tell you that there really is NOTHING to be ashamed about, but I also KNOW that that does not really work. As just saying that does NOT stop you from having those shameful feelings within.

Do you remember as a child, and as a very young child, being referred to as being "a shy kid" or similar? If so, then that is where the being ashamed of one self originates from and/or that is how that disliked feeling is instilled in you.
jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
I worry about what I say and how I say, how I would be treated.
Is there a human being at least once in their lives who has not worried about any of this?

Through the education system ALL children are ridiculed and thus made to feel ashamed for not knowing some things.

Through the society system ALL children are made to feel ashamed for, so called, "doing wrong".

ALL children want to PLEASE their parents and so worry about to to say and how to say it, and how they will be treated. Feeling ashamed of saying some thing "wrong" and/or of "doing wrong" is installed into and programmed into children, which resides, deep down, for a lifetime.
jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
It brings me a lot of discomforts
Of course it would. Feeling shy, or ashamed of one's self, by definition, is an uncomfortable feeling. The very nature of feeling ashamed is to feel discomfort. Children are MADE TO feel ashamed AND discomfort. This is adults way of teaching children so called "right" from "wrong". Although what adults are doing here is VERY WRONG, they will NOT admit it because they do NOT know any better, and, because of the very nature of feeling ashamed of "doing WRONG".

If adults even thought that they could be doing wrong, then they will quickly dismiss this truth, for some thing else, because they do NOT want to have that ashamed feeling, which naturally brings with it discomfort. Naturally adults do not want to feel discomfort so they will do what makes them feel comfortable. Ignoring the Truth is an easy what of replacing discomfort with comfort.
jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
and I want to get rid of this feeling.
Who would not want to get rid of feeling ashamed.

Is there a negative, bad, and/or uncomfortable feeling that one would not want to get rid of, and replace it with a positive, good, and/or comfortable feeling?

ALL 'feelings' or more correctly ALL 'internal feelings/emotions' are normal.
The way one feels, at any given moment, is a direct result of ALL past experiences, up to this moment.

So, just remember that ALL 'emotions', including feeling ashamed are perfectly NORMAL, and whatever feeling one is experiencing in any given moment is PERFECTLY NORMAL, under those circumstance.

Emotions are just a signal of what is going on around you. To change one feeling, an uncomfortable one to a comfortable one;
1. Just recognize when they appear, which you obviously can do.
2. If you already understand WHY you are feeling ashamed this way, which is either or partly because;
a) You have been programmed, from and through past experiences, to feel like this, in certain situations.
b) You are judging your own self. Or,
c) Others are judging you, or you are just imagining others would be and/or are judging you, in a particular way.
3. Then, if you can accept that that emotion is just a feeling, which is perfectly normal to be experiencing, at this given moment, within these circumstances, then your thinking will have changed by now, and so then will your feelings naturally have changed also.

Feeling ashamed is uncomfortable, but it also just a feeling, which can be very fleeting.

It is said that there is about 450 or so internal feelings/emotions and to have them and to experience them is ALL is part of what makes 'you', a human being. Without any of ALL of those emotions then you would NOT experience ALL of what it is like being, a human being.

Noticing and recognizing ALL of the 450 or so emotions, including the unwanted ones, informs you of what is going on around you. Just changing the way you think, then changes the way you feel, experience emotions, and then those fleeting emotions can change more quickly.
jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
I know that the answer is TO ACCEPT MYSELF, but it's not that simple
,
It is not that simple because, honestly, how could you accept yourself if you are not even aware of who thy Self is?

Human beings have been trying for millenia to answer the question Who am 'I'?

How could they accept themselves, when they do NOT even know who thy Self or the 'I' is yet?
jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
Hope to hear some valuable practical advice. I'm pretty tired of such a life.

Thank you
I am not sure if that help, if at all, but there is far more that could be explained and/or clarified here, if you like.

Walker
Posts: 6369
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2015 12:00 am

Re: Psychological question

Post by Walker » Mon Dec 17, 2018 6:32 pm

jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
My greetings great minds!
I need help from you.

My question is simple, but the answer is not.

How to accept myself as I am? How to stop dislike stuff about me?

I've read a ton of articles and books, they don't help. They don't get the point. In society I am ashamed of myself, I worry about what I say and how I say, how I would be treated. It brings me a lot of discomforts and I want to get rid of this feeling. I know that the answer is TO ACCEPT MYSELF, but it's not that simple

Hope to hear some valuable practical advice. I'm pretty tired of such a life.

Thank you
After all his thrashing about in the world Buddha finally sat down with only one purpose to again ever move, and that purpose was to know the answer you seek.

You only exist in relationship.
With no relationship, you do not exist.

What exists when you do not exist?
Everything else.

What exists when you exist?
You.

The change you seek is losing you so that everything else fills the void that remains.

Do you see the practicality?

&

Only purpose causes motion, not the archer, for there is no archer.

There is only motion caused by purpose.

The mundane purpose is but a head shot.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OA2EnemzBpk

Did you observe the relaxation at the instant of release?

Nick_A
Posts: 3766
Joined: Sat Jul 07, 2012 1:23 am

Re: Psychological question

Post by Nick_A » Mon Dec 17, 2018 7:33 pm

jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
My greetings great minds!
I need help from you.

My question is simple, but the answer is not.

How to accept myself as I am? How to stop dislike stuff about me?

I've read a ton of articles and books, they don't help. They don't get the point. In society I am ashamed of myself, I worry about what I say and how I say, how I would be treated. It brings me a lot of discomforts and I want to get rid of this feeling. I know that the answer is TO ACCEPT MYSELF, but it's not that simple

Hope to hear some valuable practical advice. I'm pretty tired of such a life.

Thank you
There is an old Arabic expression concerning the man who felt sorry for himself since he had no shoes until he met a man who had no feet.

Find others in the world who are really suffering and volunteer to help them. Institutions are filed with drug addicts who have hit bottom. How can you help them?

You are a step ahead since you still have your sanity. Put it to good use and you will no longer be so self concerned.

Walker
Posts: 6369
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2015 12:00 am

Re: Psychological question

Post by Walker » Mon Dec 17, 2018 7:45 pm

Nick_A wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 7:33 pm
Find others in the world who are really suffering and volunteer to help them. Institutions are filed with drug addicts who have hit bottom. How can you help them?

You are a step ahead since you still have your sanity. Put it to good use and you will no longer be so self concerned.
That's true enough.

Function often does follow form.

Smile, and the world smiles back.

:D

jarviguy
Posts: 5
Joined: Thu Dec 13, 2018 2:35 pm

Re: Psychological question

Post by jarviguy » Tue Dec 18, 2018 11:09 am

I even couldn't expect to get such valuable and detail responses! That is what I am actually missing - people that I can talk to about these things that are devouring me.
You can't even imagine how grateful I am.

Recently, I found useful gestalt prayer
I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.
(Fritz Perls, "Gestalt Therapy Verbatim", 1969)


It plants healthy thoughts in my mind that helps me to act in a different way than before.

msorfiap
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Jan 19, 2019 11:26 pm

Re: Psychological question

Post by msorfiap » Sun Jan 20, 2019 12:05 am

The simplest answer, fellow, is: you don't have to. You can change yourself even every second until you get to something you like.

Scientology and the point Personal Integrity could help you acquire embodiment.

Seicho-no-ie could help you see the truth.

Through Catholicism, you could learn that you are never OK, but God will forgive if you sacrifice, sublimate, and pray. Self-punishment is also great.

commonsense
Posts: 972
Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2017 6:38 pm

Re: Psychological question

Post by commonsense » Wed Jan 23, 2019 4:31 pm

Appreciating yourself is affective, not cognitive. Forget the rest. Just manage your expectations about yourself. You’ve set the bar too high.

gaffo
Posts: 2045
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:15 am

Re: Psychological question

Post by gaffo » Sun Feb 10, 2019 12:54 am

jarviguy wrote:
Mon Dec 17, 2018 12:46 pm
My greetings great minds!
I need help from you.

My question is simple, but the answer is not.

How to accept myself as I am? How to stop dislike stuff about me?

I've read a ton of articles and books, they don't help. They don't get the point. In society I am ashamed of myself, I worry about what I say and how I say, how I would be treated. It brings me a lot of discomforts and I want to get rid of this feeling. I know that the answer is TO ACCEPT MYSELF, but it's not that simple

I'm not asking to do my homework for me, just a little friendly help

Hope to hear some valuable practical advice. I'm pretty tired of such a life.

Thank you
1. first knowyourself - that means to ignore others concerning their views of you.
2. after knowing yourself (a lifelong process that take decades or more - usually longer than your lifespan - then return to their views of you and critic their view of you to determine if that view is apt.
3. if their view of you is apt, affirm it and change yourself to conform to their/your - knowing yourself now - view.
4. die wise and in peace knowing yourself.

gaffo
Posts: 2045
Joined: Mon Nov 27, 2017 3:15 am

Re: Psychological question

Post by gaffo » Sun Feb 10, 2019 12:56 am

age - read your post after i offered mine, concur with it fully.

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