I think it's the intimacy that I find so compelling. To be able to 'listen in' on another's thoughts because they took the time to write them down. It is that eureka feeling, when you have found something familiar and maybe you're just a little jealous that you didn't think to say it first....if that makes sense.
M: Intimacy, schmintimacy. I agree that we open ourselves up when we share opinions or experiences. I'm sure there are some who would read the thread title and sigh. So, perhaps might I, if it had been someone else. Yeah, there's sometimes a bit of envy - usually, I admire a well-articulated point and argument. Still find this difficult, after all these years...so., lightweight time it is...for now.
Thanks for doing the color thing...it makes it easier for me to reply.
What I consider intimate is when someone is just speaking honestly about an observation. I does not have to be passionate, or anything close to telling a personal secret , or something around the nature of 'letting someone in/bringing down walls'. What I mean by intimacy is just speaking ones mind honestly about what one thinks without fear. It's the sense of conversation natural. Not caring about rejection of one's ideas.
Did I tell you I have a groupie? He called himself this, not me. My husband says he will probably chop me up into little bits someday...lol. He is a musician and is writing a 'suite of songs' inspired by my paintings. When he first told me this I was skeptical and stand offish...flattered but not really willing to engage. But of course I was a little curious. So then he brings in a CD and hands it to me. When I was driving home I listened to it expecting it to be bad...but I was surprised. I sounded exactly like what this painting would sound like if it was a song. I wasn't expecting someone to get what I was trying to convey based solely off my paintings. I still do not want to be honest with this man about myself and why I paint. I just don't want to get close to anyone else in my life. It's too heartbreaking if you know what I mean. Anyway, he has since made two other songs about 2 paintings and he was spot on. Some of the sounds are scary , some mischievous, there is humor and tension....just really really twisted, if that makes sense.
He came into the gallery and spent the whole day with me yesterday. I hated it the whole time. I know he is lonely and wants a friend...but he choose the wrong person...as at this point in my life, I kinda get Greta Garbo when she said, "I just want to be left alone." But then I feel bad that he has taken the time to write these songs...and maybe I feel like I should have a debt of gratitude? I dunno...I just know right now I can't be his go to person . I just can't. And here is just what a shit heel I am....He kinda hinted for a ride home. He said something like, "Well, I am going to take a long walk home...thank god it's all downhill and it's a nice day..." I said, " Okay, I'll see you later'....as I got into my car.
Well, fuckin A...what am I supposed to give some strange man, who doesn't know me but says he's my groupie a ride home?!? No. It's just too intimate and frankly scary. I just want to tell him to not write anymore songs and please don't invade my personal space....I'm just so mean...and ugly...and I don't have time for niceties anymore. I am an old crotchety woman. lol
What I am trying to say, is intimacy like that, is not intimacy imo. It's more like dependence...it's not natural or giving. It's giving in order to get. Intimacy to me, is natural. It is giving in order to give. Period.
Does that make sense?
M: So, which piece was it - that was 'meant to be always'. How intriguing.
I am not sure...I didn't have enough time to talk to him. It gets very busy downtown on first friday and people are constantly saying hi to you. I am very bad in those situations. I am easily distracted and will turn to reply to someone and then turn back and the other person I was talking to is gone. I don't blame them...it's kinda rude of me...But I don't know how to work crowds. Oh well. Hopefully one day I wont have to be there to sell my paintings and I can be the recluse artist that I am! lol
Have a great day, M.