Philosophy Now Forum

Re the two comments above, that's exactly what I'm referring to--look at the monogamy-orientation of them. We'd be better off in my opinion if we could change our culture so that that sort of monogamy orientation is no longer the case. Obviously this won't be easy and won't happen anytime soon, but it's worth working towards.

reasonvemotion wrote: For the majority of us, love is the one part of our lives we believe happens to us solely by chance.

For years passion was not considered a solid basis for marriage until recently.

Here we must exercise caution. When two people instantly fall in love, they are in love with an idealised concept of each other, which eventually, nearly always, ends in disaster.

How many of us would put in the effort needed to keep a relationship going when one person cheats on the other?

What about physical attraction. Yes. It is important, but too much of a good thing, can turn into a bad thing and instead of love it is lust. I chuckle here as some may disagree vehemently with this.

Does it make sense to enter into an aranged marriage where both parties can learn to love each other gradually and travel on solid ground.

I dont believe we have one person only for us. Our soulmate. That is for the poet and his/her muse.

Should we wait around hoping for our true love to happen upon us.

Should we use our common sense and plan for it, like we plan for a career, or anything else, reject the fairytale aspect of it.

Some are quite content without it.

What is the point of love? Love is there to make sure that life keep going.

Love is a self-serving concept, no matter how one conceives it. The proof of that is clear. We do whatever it is that we're supposed to do out of love for those we love...

Love is a big word. We don't have the same meaning for love. We don't love the same way (but people prefer to think that we feel all the same way). And it doesn't happen by chance, nothing happens by chance. Can you explain what do you mean "by chance"?

Of course, you need to find someone who makes you feel love, and you can't find them in some situations. Of course a lot of people can feel what they call love for a lot of people in Earth or at the same time etc, other people can't. So, if you are saying that, you can find a person one day and "fall in love" but if that person was just behind other person, you would have "fall in love" with the first one. But nobody can "fall in love" with everybody or everything, no one can love a stone I guess.
If you are talking about probabilities of fall in love, it depends on the people, for example, an "easy" woman, or one who shows her body, can easily find more hormon reactions, etc, a person who is in the standard for what is searched in love, if you want to see it that way, has more "chances" of having love.

Well, I can't tell about you, you are the only one who should think what do you want. Do you really want strange people in internet to say you what do you need for love, sex, or whatever? Well, I can swear that there is a lot of confusion in every head, so don't rely too much in other people.

I was asked to answer this question, though I'm not sure why since I'm certainly not a love guru, ... while this is clearly a subjective question, the most important thing to remember is true love doesn't happen just once. Sure .... To have a 50% chance of finding "the one" you'd have to get to know more than 4.8 billion people.

yes absolutely right

reasonvemotion wrote:For the majority of us, love is the one part of our lives we believe happens to us solely by chance.

For years passion was not considered a solid basis for marriage until recently.

Here we must exercise caution. When two people instantly fall in love, they are in love with an idealised concept of each other, which eventually, nearly always, ends in disaster.

How many of us would put in the effort needed to keep a relationship going when one person cheats on the other?

What about physical attraction. Yes. It is important, but too much of a good thing, can turn into a bad thing and instead of love it is lust. I chuckle here as some may disagree vehemently with this.

Does it make sense to enter into an aranged marriage where both parties can learn to love each other gradually and travel on solid ground.

I dont believe we have one person only for us. Our soulmate. That is for the poet and his/her muse.

Should we wait around hoping for our true love to happen upon us.

Should we use our common sense and plan for it, like we plan for a career, or anything else, reject the fairytale aspect of it.

Some are quite content without it.

Together with your opening post title you have raised several other questions here as well and raised some good points. I will just answer generally and here it is -

It is said that if that initial spark is not there, it will not be there later on regarding romantic love.
If someone considers arranged marriage seeing other cultures, thinking that perhaps it might be better, then my advice is for that culture because it might be an accepted thing, it may not work out for you, so follow your heart.
It is said that most marriages eventually turn out to be one kind of a business proposition or another.
Romantic love does not happen with time, it is immediate.
The poet writes from the heart, and the heart rules, so there might be such a thing as soulmate, but somewhere up above in Heaven or higher Heavens. Where we see crushes, infatuations, attractions, loves etc., but not true love, it is because we ourselves are not capable of truly loving yet, although we may think otherwise of ourselves.
I don't think there is need to wait for true love to happen for it may not happen, so we should just make-do with someone we like or love, and yet, this is not to say that someone do that, for if they would like to wait they can of course, the point being that they would be waiting perhaps forever in this life.
Do you mean plan for marriage or love or both? Well whatever. I guess it would be the sensible thing to do to plan for it, otherwise what do you do, live without marriage?
Love may not be crucial to marriage, liking may be enough. But liking should be there.
If with physical attraction caring, concern, affection is not there, then it is more towards lust, but if caring, concern and affection is there then it is love.
Love does not happen by chance, it is because our minds meet for there being common ground. When minds stop meeting, love is out. When minds meet as in vastly, I think that is true love.
Passion can be short term and this does not mean it is not important of course for it is important, love is long-term, true love is forever in a certain lifetime.

I think for true love we need a meeting of the minds - which is like the meeting of the hearts, we need genuine caring, concern, affection, living in truth and not in lies, cheating, deceit, malpractice nor scam. For true love we need to be true to ourselves and others always, we need to be an open book, we need to be principled, ethical, morally good, having a moral code of ethics in us, no vices and no wickedness in us. We need to be holy. True love is a clean thing. I think with love and true love, the two just love, truly love respectively. So, if we feel not loved, or truly loved then we should believe that and accept that, and vice-versa. If something holds us away from showing love to someone or holds someone away from showing love to us, then we must believe that that is not love but a crush, infatuation, something that will pass.

Beauty wrote:
I think for true love we need a meeting of the minds - which is like the meeting of the hearts,

Ah, so you do know what meeting someone at the heart level means then.

Weird.

Terrapin Station wrote:Re the two comments above, that's exactly what I'm referring to--look at the monogamy-orientation of them. We'd be better off in my opinion if we could change our culture so that that sort of monogamy orientation is no longer the case. Obviously this won't be easy and won't happen anytime soon, but it's worth working towards.

Open relationships always fail. They are mean and unhygienic.
Screwing other people is damaging to a relationship when being honest.
If you are not honest then deceit kills it anyway. It's a fail/fail situation.

Hobbes' Choice wrote:

Terrapin Station wrote:Re the two comments above, that's exactly what I'm referring to--look at the monogamy-orientation of them. We'd be better off in my opinion if we could change our culture so that that sort of monogamy orientation is no longer the case. Obviously this won't be easy and won't happen anytime soon, but it's worth working towards.

Open relationships always fail. They are mean and unhygienic.
Screwing other people is damaging to a relationship when being honest.
If you are not honest then deceit kills it anyway. It's a fail/fail situation.

For you that may be true, but in fact, you can't speak for everyone, though you often still do.

SpheresOfBalance wrote:

Hobbes' Choice wrote:

Terrapin Station wrote:Re the two comments above, that's exactly what I'm referring to--look at the monogamy-orientation of them. We'd be better off in my opinion if we could change our culture so that that sort of monogamy orientation is no longer the case. Obviously this won't be easy and won't happen anytime soon, but it's worth working towards.

Open relationships always fail. They are mean and unhygienic.
Screwing other people is damaging to a relationship when being honest.
If you are not honest then deceit kills it anyway. It's a fail/fail situation.

For you that may be true, but in fact, you can't speak for everyone, though you often still do.

As you well know - I don't give a fuck what you think.

The concept of love is one that is complex to understand, because some argue it exists, and others argue it doesn't..in normal cases this sought of argumentations end up with conflicts..or levels of misunderstandings i.e like some couple of posts before me. I guess at the end of the day you cannot shoove your idea into someone else's throat. Its important that we respect each other's opinion. Namaste guys

reasonvemotion wrote: ↑Thu Apr 25, 2013 2:09 pm For the majority of us, love is the one part of our lives we believe happens to us solely by chance.

For years passion was not considered a solid basis for marriage until recently.

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Here we must exercise caution. When two people instantly fall in love, they are in love with an idealised concept of each other, which eventually, nearly always, ends in disaster.

How many of us would put in the effort needed to keep a relationship going when one person cheats on the other?

What about physical attraction. Yes. It is important, but too much of a good thing, can turn into a bad thing and instead of love it is lust. I chuckle here as some may disagree vehemently with this.

Does it make sense to enter into an arranged marriage where both parties can learn to love each other gradually and travel on solid ground.

I don't believe we have one person only for us. Our soulmate. That is for the poet and his/her muse.

Should we wait around hoping for our true love to happen upon us.
majority aspect anything
should
like
effort
common
sense

Should we use our common sense and plan for it, like we plan for a career, or anything else, reject the fairytale aspect of it.

Some are quite content without it.

I agree with a lot of this. Love is a feeling but once you enter into a relationship and marriage love becomes a choice. You choose to love your partner every day through the highs and the lows. Love is attached to loyalty and respect. When cheating comes into play, so does disrespect hence it becomes hard to forgive and maintain the love you once had. I'm doing a school paper on this

reasonvemotion wrote: ↑Thu Apr 25, 2013 2:09 pm For the majority of us, love is the one part of our lives we believe happens to us solely by chance.

For years passion was not considered a solid basis for marriage until recently.

Here we must exercise caution. When two people instantly fall in love, they are in love with an idealised concept of each other, which eventually, nearly always, ends in disaster.

How many of us would put in the effort needed to keep a relationship going when one person cheats on the other?

What about physical attraction. Yes. It is important, but too much of a good thing, can turn into a bad thing and instead of love it is lust. I chuckle here as some may disagree vehemently with this.

Does it make sense to enter into an aranged marriage where both parties can learn to love each other gradually and travel on solid ground.

I dont believe we have one person only for us. Our soulmate. That is for the poet and his/her muse.

Should we wait around hoping for our true love to happen upon us.

Should we use our common sense and plan for it, like we plan for a career, or anything else, reject the fairytale aspect of it.

Some are quite content without it.

IMO it is best to be a complete single person (rather than a codependant) - love yourself as a whole person - complete without the need of another to "complete you".

then if you find another - that both is compatible emotionally/spirtiually (one that shares your personality (not particular beleifs like religion/etc.....such is small stuff compared to similar disposition-personaliy), and physical attibutes (i like huge butts myself - pearshaped gals).
so both physical and emotional aliignment with yourself is vital to finding your "other".............until that time - assuming that you may never find both in one person - be content with being alone.

2-cents.

artisticsolution wrote: ↑Fri Apr 26, 2013 1:20 am

I see falling in love as an aesthetic thing we do. Passion is a wonderful thing...it is sublime...but it isn't real...it's all about appearances and by appearances I do not mean looks as in she is hot or he is not, I mean appearances on a deeper level ....as in someone allowing themselves to be fooled by a feeling...in fact, fooled so deeply that they even attribute qualities to a person that are not even there! I think the more we understand this concept the more we can enjoy love for what it is, be it passion and romance or commitment and contentment, etc.

indeed, and why it is vital to not be a codep, and to learn to know yourself and to be content with being whole as a single person first and foremost.