Who pays for the meal?

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Philosophy Explorer
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Who pays for the meal?

Post by Philosophy Explorer » Wed Jul 11, 2018 1:54 am

According to custom in the US, it's supposed to be the male who pays on a date. A possible reason is that men are supposed to make a higher salary than women.

Any thoughts?

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Dalek Prime
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Re: Who pays for the meal?

Post by Dalek Prime » Wed Jul 11, 2018 3:12 am

I'm not touching this topic with a ten foot pole, if I ever want to date again. But since I don't care anymore.... Men normally ask. And the asker usually is expected to provide. Not to mention the fact that men are expected to be providers. That's what we just do, and have done, throughout history. And yes, also because we are considered to make more money. And we are conversely expected to make more because we are expected to provide.

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Sir-Sister-of-Suck
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Re: Who pays for the meal?

Post by Sir-Sister-of-Suck » Wed Jul 11, 2018 3:47 am

When she does, I'll at least let her borrow my camp card so she can get the second big mac for free. At participating chick-fil-A's, I believe she can also qualify for a free vanilla ice cream cone, if she so desires.

I would say this is a pretty fair compromise.

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Lacewing
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Re: Who pays for the meal?

Post by Lacewing » Wed Jul 11, 2018 5:19 am

I think it's totally fair to have separate checks.

However, I will admit, that I'm really impressed when a guy demonstrates his comfort with being generous -- AND his commitment to treasuring his encounter with me, by making the experience light-hearted and fun (rather than studying the prices and the bill). I would swoon for a guy who says, "Let's have a blast together because this moment is worth celebrating!" :D

This means a lot to me because I am very generous too, including the way I am fully present and authentic... devoting my attention and spirit. Most men I've met (while being single) are oddly self-absorbed -- and it's as if they expect a woman to be as absorbed with them as they are with themselves. Why in the world would that appeal to me? They're also so focused on thinking sexually, that their brain seems really small. :lol:

Naturally, I want to see what a guy brings to the table on all levels -- just as he's seeing in me. Then, if we're both bringing stuff, we make things better together through what we offer, rather than focusing on what we can get from the other one. But a lot of people seem more focused on self-preservation than connection. I think it's best when people are very generous toward each other. No rules needed.

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Re: Who pays for the meal?

Post by Judaka » Wed Jul 11, 2018 8:46 am

I think it's important to say that it's not simply as though men usually pay because of social and economic conditions but because many men want to pay. They consider it a form of chivalry and good form to pay or they are the active pursuer and include paying in the meal as an attempt to woo. I personally think it's fine for the man to offer to pay on a first or second date but a little unreasonable that he simply pays everytime he meets up with the same girl.

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henry quirk
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Post by henry quirk » Wed Jul 11, 2018 5:09 pm

Rule of thumb: whoever extends the invitation, pays.

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Re: Who pays for the meal?

Post by duszek » Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:04 pm

I agree with Henry.

If I invite a buddy for a luncheon I pay.

But:

In many situations two people are together, and one says: shall we eat something here ?
This is not always an invitation, not an explicit one. The situation has to be considered as a whole.

If in doubt everybody pays for their own consumption.

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Re: Who pays for the meal?

Post by Dalek Prime » Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:11 pm

Sir-Sister-of-Suck wrote:
Wed Jul 11, 2018 3:47 am
When she does, I'll at least let her borrow my camp card so she can get the second big mac for free. At participating chick-fil-A's, I believe she can also qualify for a free vanilla ice cream cone, if she so desires.

I would say this is a pretty fair compromise.
Nice lol!

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Re: Who pays for the meal?

Post by Dalek Prime » Wed Jul 11, 2018 6:14 pm

Lacewing wrote:
Wed Jul 11, 2018 5:19 am
I think it's totally fair to have separate checks.

However, I will admit, that I'm really impressed when a guy demonstrates his comfort with being generous -- AND his commitment to treasuring his encounter with me, by making the experience light-hearted and fun (rather than studying the prices and the bill). I would swoon for a guy who says, "Let's have a blast together because this moment is worth celebrating!" :D

This means a lot to me because I am very generous too, including the way I am fully present and authentic... devoting my attention and spirit. Most men I've met (while being single) are oddly self-absorbed -- and it's as if they expect a woman to be as absorbed with them as they are with themselves. Why in the world would that appeal to me? They're also so focused on thinking sexually, that their brain seems really small. :lol:

Naturally, I want to see what a guy brings to the table on all levels -- just as he's seeing in me. Then, if we're both bringing stuff, we make things better together through what we offer, rather than focusing on what we can get from the other one. But a lot of people seem more focused on self-preservation than connection. I think it's best when people are very generous toward each other. No rules needed.
I honestly feel weird having a woman pay, unless she is insistent, and it would ruin the evening if I don't accept the offer.

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henry quirk
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"If in doubt everybody pays for their own consumption."

Post by henry quirk » Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:14 pm

Exactly.

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Re: "If in doubt everybody pays for their own consumption."

Post by Dalek Prime » Thu Jul 12, 2018 5:55 pm

henry quirk wrote:
Wed Jul 11, 2018 7:14 pm
Exactly.
Yeah, not a great way to tell a woman you enjoy her company, when you're handing her the bill.

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henry quirk
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Post by henry quirk » Thu Jul 12, 2018 6:00 pm

I wouldn't hand her 'the' bill, the waiter would hand her 'her' bill.

Read the relevant posts again.

Dalek Prime
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Re:

Post by Dalek Prime » Thu Jul 12, 2018 6:03 pm

henry quirk wrote:
Thu Jul 12, 2018 6:00 pm
I wouldn't hand her 'the' bill, the waiter would hand her 'her' bill.

Read the relevant posts again.
Really? You're arguing over how she comes into possession of the bill? :shock: I'll be more delicate next time. :roll:

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henry quirk
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Post by henry quirk » Thu Jul 12, 2018 7:11 pm

If I issue the invite: I pay.

If she issues the invite: she pays.

If there's doubt: individuals pay their own way.

It's a system that's clear and works.

You, do as you like.

And: the 'great way to tell a woman you enjoy her company' is to actually tell her 'I really enjoy your company'.

Again: it's clear, it works.

Absolutely no need to depend on subtle signals.

But, again: you, do as you like.

Dalek Prime
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Re:

Post by Dalek Prime » Thu Jul 12, 2018 11:16 pm

henry quirk wrote:
Thu Jul 12, 2018 7:11 pm
If I issue the invite: I pay.

If she issues the invite: she pays.

If there's doubt: individuals pay their own way.

It's a system that's clear and works.

You, do as you like.

And: the 'great way to tell a woman you enjoy her company' is to actually tell her 'I really enjoy your company'.

Again: it's clear, it works.

Absolutely no need to depend on subtle signals.

But, again: you, do as you like.
Clear as a bell. Never seen a clear bell, actually, but it is... You okay, otherwise? You do seem a bit... Nitpicky tense?

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