How to decide what is thoughtful or thoughtless? This is surely a value judgement and is my current dilemma. However, if I think about the merits of accepting the invitation to lunch, I can't help but see those merits as not on my side but on the inviter. I wish I could see the benefits to me, but those are possible future benefits - ie the continuation of a relationship on easy terms with that family.marjoramblues wrote:C: My reluctance to answer some of your questions is lack of knowledge, lack of confidence and a doubt that I am struggling with an ethical problem or not.
M: Again - Sometimes, we overthink things. I understand about a sense of lack; however, usually when I try to answer something and listen to responses, my knowledge and confidence grow...little by little...
To recap:
M: A Christmas invitation to a friend's house is probably done with the best of intentions. If you think that you are not up to it, then don't feel obliged to go.
Q: However, how do you know that it would be 'wrong' for you. Also, you are assuming that your friend will not understand any reason offered for not accepting the invitation.
Q: Why would they be slighted ?
Q: I don't see any manipulation here, why would you feel that way?C: Does doing the right thing, in respect of the other person, take precedence over self-interest? Or by doing the right thing, does that actually create self-satisfaction which overcomes self-interest or self-gratification?
M: Good questions. What does your life, experience and reflection suggest as answers? ... How did you decide on one action or another?M: Thanks for that; however, my understanding is as slim as yours. I read about it a while ago; what I remember is that it had to do with a person's character and capacity to act according to your developed values in any given circumstance.C: Is there a virtue ethical answer?
M: What do you understand by 'virtue ethics'?
C: My slim understanding is that it is deals with the question of virtue. Virtuous behaviour; the doer; the receiver; the benefits and the damages (?) from what is perceived as virtuous behaviour or actions by the majority (?) of people. Is virtue something to be desired or treated with suspicion? Who gains and who loses (if anyone).
So, what would a 'virtue ethical answer' look like as applied to your current dilemma?
I suggest that it would be based on your maturity, the kind of person you are and your capacity to weigh up pros and cons.
C: My decisions on one course of action or another have been largely taken without thinking too far into the future. My attitude has always been that we can't walk two paths at once and compare the two, therefore I have almost randomly gone down one path and lived that life.
M: OK. Well, you don't need to look too far into the future for some decision-making.
Is it better to act in a thoughtful or thoughtless way, towards self and others?
On reflection, have you had any joy/regrets about any consequences of actions taken?
Have you been more attuned to circumstances requiring less honesty than would be helpful?
However, for me - and this is very difficult to explain - I am going through a period of feeling very unhappy and am looking for a way out of that state. Going along with the status quo does not seem to be the answer. On the surface, I don't think she knows the full extent of how I feel. My fault? Probably.
M: Have you been more attuned to circumstances requiring less honesty than would be helpful?
Yes, if I have understood what you are saying. Putting a brave face on every day fools some of the people some of the time.
