Stealing & the (re)turning of fortunes [revised] ...

[FrankGSterleJr]

It was on his way out of the grocery store that Dennis spotted the conspicuously owner-unattached wallet laying on one of the store’s few resting benches, which was in close proximity to the lottery kiosk. Not surprising to him, Dennis experienced a rush of excitement.
I sure as hell hope there’s no money in it to tempt me, he instantly thought, immediately followed by a contradictory upon-second-thought, I sure as hell hope there’s enough cash in it to make it a notable ‘sacrifice’ on my part by turning it in.
Flip-flopping again, Dennis then decided that, I sure as hell hope that there’s no money in it to later make me regret not keeping the cash and returning the remaining contents via mailbox. (Unlike some thieves, Dennis wasn’t the type to go crazy with the owner’s credit cards.)
Placing aside the cocktail of thoughts and emotions, however, Dennis could see the folded, green $20 bills within. Perhaps having realized that he wasn’t in a position with full liberty to thieve the find anyhow, since some eyes in the store could’ve been focused on him, he picked up the wallet with his left hand (for his right hand was already full of groceries) and maneuvered his thump-tip to count the twenties inside.
As he did so, he audibly uttered, “somebody left their wallet,” before looking at the recyclable-containers attendant about 20 feet away.
“It belongs to this man,” was proclaimed by the lottery-ticket kiosk attendant, pointing to one of his regulars too preoccupied with drawn numbers to notice.
Dennis proceeded to gratuitously repeat a few times that, “there’s only three twenties in it,” which he audibly stated for others in close proximity to know that he was in fact ‘sacrificing.’
Walking over to the lottery-ticket kiosk, he was again told by the attendant, “it belongs to him,” while tapping the shoulder of the still unaware man.
“Are you sure it’s his?” Dennis queried the kiosk attendant, who answered in the affirmative, as he took the wallet from Dennis and placed it against the suddenly aware owner’s shoulder blade. Dennis obviously was concerned about the $60 ending up in the pocket of someone (e.g. the lottery ticket peddler) other than the rightful owner or, failing that, himself as the finder.
The moment he stepped out the store door, unwanted repetitious feelings of smugness, albeit immediately followed by guilt and embarrassment, overwhelmed him. It was after all, Dennis realized, very rare that he, a former thief, would be granted such a uniquely special occasion about which to feel so richly smug, not to mention self-righteous.
Swirls of guilt and embarrassment that succeeded the smugness procured from Dennis multiple censures, by him against him, for even feeling smug at all.
Regardless, having tackled that long-held irresistible urge to steal, especially the wallet money, left him feeling healthy in body, mind and soul.
Even so, Dennis still had to deal with the persistent little, pointy, red guy on his left shoulder and the little, white-winged guy on his right. He could feel what they were ‘whispering’ into his ears and yelling across at each other; thus, for him the resultant positive and negative thoughts and emotions were nipping at each other’s tail—all of which really sucked.
It was the first time in Dennis’s life that he found a wallet laying alone, out in the open; also, it was the first time that he willingly returned the wallet with all of its cash.
Nonetheless, he later mused: Would I have kept the money had I been completely alone and not near others at the store? Also, would I blatantly keep someone else’s money or, for that matter, even really want to keep it? But he felt fairly confident that, as he’d looked at the $60 and considered his true feelings, he didn’t really want it and most likely would’ve returned a coast-completely-clear, lost wallet with all of its cash. In a nutshell, the impulse to steal it fortunately was notably brief and weak.
Being relieved of his ‘thievery demon,’ which felt permanent, was understandably a comforting sensation as he walked out of the store door; and not being in possession of something that was not his and should never have become his, was in fact a comforting sensation that he wouldn’t previously have earned and enjoyed.

For much too long, Dennis endured significant burden upon his already weary mind. His obsessive-compulsive disorder compelled him to shoplift so that he could compensate himself, or a close family member about whom he greatly cared, for some typically unrelated material loss or ‘bad luck.’ It clearly didn’t dawn upon Dennis that if he puts his OCD-bound mind to such a cause, he’ll likely come up with very many (even if only strongly perceived) material losses, large and small, throughout his life.
Quite unlike almost all other thieves, Dennis found that sometimes he felt just as bad when not getting caught after a theft (i.e. very guilty), as he felt after getting caught, which occurred only on rare occasions. Put another way, once clear of any ‘event horizon’ of getting caught during his getaway, he repeatedly experienced twisting guilt and shame.
Nevertheless, for a very long time Dennis’s nature was corrupt when it came to material honesty, ever since a friend introduced him to shoplifting when the two were just nine. Dennis’s moral fibre was henceforth tainted, and getting caught the odd time was never enough to set him straight.
In short time, the taint turned to stain, albeit he never got into any major, big-time crime stealing (e.g. grand theft). The little, red, pointy guy on his left shoulder almost always managed to out-do the little, white-winged one on his right and successfully cause Dennis to continue diminishing his materialist behavioral integrity.
As could be expected, such bad-habit thievery combined with mental illness and intoxicant consumption was explosively successful in turning matters for Dennis toward the worst … Such as with his disgraceful Jack Daniels whisky incident:
One afternoon, while sufficiently inebriated, Dennis foolishly decided to nonetheless include some very dangerous pill-popping, hoping to extensively enjoy the mixture’s reality-escaping effect. Instead, he blacked-out while physically still moving about, like an automaton, and he awoke the next morning without recollection of what embarrassing or even malicious acts he may have committed during his overly intoxicated stupor.
However, he was forced to face an ugly truth about his conduct the night before after finding 11 forty-ounce bottles of fine Jack Daniels whiskey stashed in various locations within his residence.
Obviously, since he had nowhere near the $53-per-bottle funding to have legally acquired the (relative to him) massive quantity of booze, Dennis’s OCD combined with his extremely doped stupor hampering his judgment-call faculties had him making multiple trips to the liquor store to take advantage of the five-finger discount he implemented specifically for himself via his large duffle-bag. As to how the staff there failed to spot him during the rounds he made to that store, he had no idea and believed that he likely never would know.
Somehow, even while sunk deep into an automaton state of mind, he had slithered and slipped through the hands of anyone authoritatively threatening to him during his thievery.
Perhaps just plain lucky? he thought.
But while having been spared from embarrassment and criminal-law repercussions, he did end up consuming the entire 440 ounces of stolen whiskey, albeit at a moderate rate of no more (nor any less) than one 250 ml glassful at noon everyday until all was gone.
As for thoughts about karma and/or the divine rewarding him for his ‘sacrifice’ with some form of gain, including thoughts saturated with guilt and shame, Dennis experienced and repetitively repelled those all too plenty.
He believed that there was no true sacrifice made if a zero-sum effect occurred, be it monetary or otherwise. For example, if he found three twenties in the middle of nowhere following the $60 wallet-return occurrence, thus perceiving the find implausibly coincidental, it would essentially mean that he hadn’t really sacrificed or given up anything—i.e. Dennis returned $60 that could’ve been his gain had he just walked away with the loot, but he instead received a fiscal gain elsewhere of an equal amount perceived as resulting from his preceding ‘sacrifice.’
Whatever, he concluded in thought. No use busting my brains by over-analyzing it all.
Dennis could then ‘hear’ the little, white-winged guy ‘whispering’ to him to, “never-mind all of that sacrifice and reward stuff ...”


Frank Sterle Jr.