Poetry here.

What is art? What is beauty?

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Psychonaut
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by Psychonaut » Thu Mar 11, 2010 6:01 pm

Immoral?

Nothing good can come of it?

Sounds juicy...

Emily
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by Emily » Fri Mar 12, 2010 7:09 am

It's very juicy.

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Arising_uk
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by Arising_uk » Sun Mar 14, 2010 12:19 am

Apologies Emily,
As I think I can be misunderstood but,
Emily wrote:... I'll put it up though - maybe someone will be able to help me. Tell me what you think its about. :)

Passion burns through ladies lungs
...
“Oh! Cruel world show mercy please!”
Whilst I cannot at present tell you what I think it is about. I can say that some punctuation may help the process, as I keep running out of breath :oops:

Emily
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by Emily » Sun Mar 14, 2010 2:13 am

I'm a grammar freak but, to me, poetry isn't about puncuation or grammar. The words are there, that's all that matters. Read it at the pace and frequency you find comfortable; the pace at which you can derive the most meaning personally. If you know where the correct punctuation is supposed to be, put it there as you read it. I think it just gets in the way and resticts readers from adding their take on it. In my experience, many verse poems these days don't have punctuation.
I'm sorry if it bothers you. I suppose, it's just there when I read it.

Emily
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by Emily » Sun Mar 14, 2010 2:20 am

I'll edit the punctuation in where I believe it to be appropriate. Just for you. :)

Passion burns through ladies lungs;
A crazed hell-fire in her breast.
When a spell like this becomes,
The captured heart will get no rest
But find solace in its ache, at best.

She lets the ash fall on her feet,
Bear against the hardest ground.
Flesh and searing stone doth meet
But lady dare not make a sound
For fear of fracturing that ground.

So hungry that it turns her sick;
Her saddened soul is always teased
By the apple just too far to pick.
Its sends her falling to her knees.
“Oh! Cruel world show mercy please!”

Well... It seems to me that I just added a few commas and full stops in the obvious places. But I hope it helps nonetheless. :D

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Arising_uk
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by Arising_uk » Sun Mar 14, 2010 2:30 am

Emily wrote:I'm a grammar freak but, to me, poetry isn't about puncuation or grammar. The words are there, that's all that matters. Read it at the pace and frequency you find comfortable; the pace at which you can derive the most meaning personally. If you know where the correct punctuation is supposed to be, put it there as you read it. I think it just gets in the way and resticts readers from adding their take on it. In my experience, many verse poems these days don't have punctuation.
I'm sorry if it bothers you. I suppose, it's just there when I read it.
I think I understand what you mean but others may read it and Poetry has evolved, as has Language, so whilst speaking aloud has become passe when reading, punctutation is still an 'advance'? As such I thought that Poetry was still an off-shoot of this process?

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Arising_uk
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by Arising_uk » Sun Mar 14, 2010 2:33 am

Emily wrote:I'll edit the punctuation in where I believe it to be appropriate. Just for you. :)

Passion burns through ladies lungs;
A crazed hell-fire in her breast.
When a spell like this becomes,
The captured heart will get no rest
But find solace in its ache, at best.

She lets the ash fall on her feet,
Bear against the hardest ground.
Flesh and searing stone doth meet
But lady dare not make a sound
For fear of fracturing that ground.

So hungry that it turns her sick;
Her saddened soul is always teased
By the apple just too far to pick.
Its sends her falling to her knees.
“Oh! Cruel world show mercy please!”

Well... It seems to me that I just added a few commas and full stops in the obvious places. But I hope it helps nonetheless. :D
And a couple of semi-colons that are not obvious? Or might be if you missed the full-stops? But you've not been consistent with them?

AnyHoo, it 'sounds' soundable too me and its begining to make some sense. So once I've 'read' it a few more times, I'll make a 'dent' at what it says. If thats okay?

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Psychonaut
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Location: Merseyside, UK

Re: Poetry Bin

Post by Psychonaut » Tue Mar 16, 2010 12:17 am

Infinity: My fractious mind frantically, frustrated, expresses ineloquently and eventually effervesces. No longer linguistically lucid I slowly slither silently to the iron iridescent irony of proclaiming palatable profundities while never grasping the godlike greatness of the inexpressible inelegance of infinity, where tethered my tongue is trapped and no word directed at it delineates its detail and dancing round it writhing retardedly like this is the best I manage.

artisticsolution
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by artisticsolution » Tue Mar 16, 2010 4:38 am

Psychonaut wrote:Infinity: My fractious mind frantically, frustrated, expresses ineloquently and eventually effervesces. No longer linguistically lucid I slowly slither silently to the iron iridescent irony of proclaiming palatable profundities while never grasping the godlike greatness of the inexpressible inelegance of infinity, where tethered my tongue is trapped and no word directed at it delineates its detail and dancing round it writhing retardedly like this is the best I manage.
Now THAT is a poem where I actually heard your voice in my head when I read it.

mhoraine
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by mhoraine » Tue Mar 16, 2010 5:33 pm

Gotta love, Psycho, from head to toe !

Mind
fizzles and fails
to touch
Tao

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Psychonaut
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Location: Merseyside, UK

Re: Poetry Bin

Post by Psychonaut » Thu Mar 18, 2010 7:17 pm

Thanks guys (I am assuming that hearing my voice in the poem is a good thing :P)

To see a path
you must make a path
to make a path
you must cast aside
all the burdens carried
allow yourself to
see yourself as
someone who can be happy
and not blind yourself
to shortcomings
so painful and stark
and admit the simple remedy
a piece of humble pie
and knowing theres
no escape in nothingness
as you already tried
and theres little
point continuing
so self-reviled
identity
so carefully ignored
a lie by omission
by absence it is flawed
art takes courage
this is true
to express oneself in
stone or paint
that can't be moved
or words you can't retract
but none of this will soothe
if the art of living is ignored
and that there is a fact

bus2bondi
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by bus2bondi » Thu Apr 01, 2010 12:27 am

let's be honest

bus2bondi
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by bus2bondi » Sat Apr 03, 2010 10:45 pm

alcohol and beautiful music make me feel so happy make me feel so alive
unfortunately it will destroy your liver
and to live you shouldn't die

bus2bondi
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by bus2bondi » Mon Apr 05, 2010 4:44 am

hero's

i never thought i'd experience the day when i'd meet a true hero
i've spent my life throwing myself in front of buses
for people who often times didn't even seem to deserve it

for people who didn't even seem to even care in the end
and in return even hurt you

and i often wondered what it would feel like if someone would ever do the same for me
there are some times i recall

especially 2 that really blew me away and changed me forever, and kept me going

it rocked my world and came out of nowhere

the feeling that i felt is indescribable

i don't know how to describe

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Arising_uk
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Re: Poetry Bin

Post by Arising_uk » Mon Apr 05, 2010 9:03 pm

What I think b2b,
bus2bondi wrote:hero's

i never thought i'd experience the day when i'd meet a true hero
Always nice :D
i've spent my life throwing myself in front of buses for people who often times didn't even seem to deserve it
Shame :(
for people who didn't even seem to even care in the end and in return even hurt you
What would you want instead?
and i often wondered what it would feel like if someone would ever do the same for me there are some times i recall
especially 2 that really blew me away and changed me forever, and kept me going it rocked my world and came out of nowhere the feeling that i felt is indescribable i don't know how to describe
Although I'm glad that these sound like positive experiences :) I'm slightly worried b2b, as you said that a 'hero' was someone who'd throw themselves in front of buses for those who don't care, so are you saying you've now've become one of those who've experienced not caring for the 'hero'? But still appreciate how 'heroic' they are?

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