Perhaps you can't see the forest for the trees, maybe like many, perhaps most maladjusted people they are the product of family. It may be politically incorrect to look at one's upbringing but if so it's moronic. The family factory system churns out copies of itself, copies of its own maladjustment, for even traumas it is now recognized as intergenerational. I was raised by very damaged people and surprise, I am a damaged individual, but how far back does this dis-ease go? It is like a ripple on a generational pond ever spreading out and one really can't blame the previous generations, it's all one pond. Individuals are SO complex to start with and the innocence brought into the world gains its sense of identity from its given context, the family is a first-order context; which is supposed to prepare one for one's societal context. This is when the shock comes for the individual who was adjusted to his/her abnormal family context when it doesn't quite mesh with society.Gary Childress wrote: ↑Wed Feb 08, 2023 4:17 am I think I tend toward nihilism in so far as I think a person's conduct doesn't necessarily have much effect on the overall outcome or quality of their life. I mean, I haven't seen a lot of advantages to many things that one may normally think advantageous. I've stayed away from illegal drugs and I actually think I'm no better off than a lot of people who have at least done a little experimentation with them. Pretty women tend to think I'm nerdy and no fun. Heck, a very pretty lady I'm hopelessly crazy for told me, "We need to get you stoned one day." She looks down on me and won't have anything to do with me.
Some say coming from a two-parent biological family household should increase the chances of success of a person. I've met a lot of very determined go-getters who come from "broken" families, even foster kids who are very successful. Both my parents have stayed together throughout my life and it didn't seem to stop me from getting mentally ill and being shy and withdrawn. Kids I know from "broken" families seem to be much more outgoing and popular among their peers compared to me. Many of the "coolest" kids I knew in high school who had friends and popularity galore seemed to be from broken families, families plagued by substance abuse or who smoked like chimneys. I stayed out of trouble in life for the most part, didn't smoke in the bathroom at school etc. Didn't do a thing for me that I can tell. Can't say I recommend the "straight and narrow" path. Didn't do much for me.
If you are like most you trusted in your maladjusted parents/family and only slowly realized with time that all is not as it should be. One realization might give you some comfort, the rest of the crew, your peers are not as well-adjusted as they appear, for in this societal pond we all tend to hide our hurts and inadequacies it is a very stressful pond out there. Raising a family is far from a science. I was shocked one time hearing a statement that even raising pigs one must first be knowledgeable about their needs but raising a family no such knowledge is required. Today, I sometimes see a child or young person with an obviously inadequate family, and I feel sorrow not only for the child but for the parents who were once the child in the situation. The meanest of statements or attitudes is that which blames the victim, in insisting that the individual take sole responsibility for his/her present psychological state. Don't let them do that to you, it's a sick fuck that wants to kick you when you're down. One can only give to one's children what one has acquired for oneself, perhaps this is the greatest of reasons that a child's healthy upbringing should be a community project.