How Does a Man Die?

[Eodnhoj7]

How does a man die? That is a question that has been on my mind for many years. The nature of death, its darkness, emptiness...what is it exactly? The simple truth is that I, over the years, have been constantly torn between destroying myself and everyone around me...but this in itself seems to be futile considering I do not really know what it means to destroy something in its entirety...let alone if it will do any real "good" in the long run considering the question of "truth" seems to haunt me like an apparition or some reoccurring dream. For the record, considering the paranoid times we live in, I have no plans to go around shooting myself or anyone...that is absurd considering it avoids the question of life and the nature of meaning.

We live in a time where everyone tells us how to live. This "pleasure" will allow you to "escape" yourself. But does it really? Is self-gratification a true form of death considering the self is never really escaped from...let alone transcended?

I ran into a girl who many months ago claimed to enter a psyche ward. The reason? She claimed to be "god, yet realized everyone else around her was also god". This "insanity", if that is the word to be used and it may or may not apply, raised some questions not just in myself but helped me to remember some observations I have made over the course of the years in regards to the human condition. What is the seperating line between God and Man? Where do they converge? Where do they differ? Do I find God, (reason?), in myself? In others? Both most likely?

Adding to the fact that I ended up f'cking her, even when I told myself "I wouldn't" (I am the ultimate of hypocrites, hence I believe I can spot it in others without fear of further hypocrisy), led to further complication as to the nature of what it means to "let go of oneself". At least I was "trying to convince myself" I wouldn't...if all truth is to be told. But if I am to be honest, however enjoyable it was, no real truth was to be found there either other than "I was there...and I liked it...and I liked her". This is assuming any "past tense" can even really be applied to the situation.

Questions again occur:

Is pleasure, as a means to escape oneself, really a true form of "escapism"? Does it really allow one to transcend their problems? Or does it put one deeper in a metaphorical "hole"?

As a millennial, I have observed that it is very difficult to just "grow up" in the traditional sense of the word as we are presented with a continual chain of distractions that prevent us from really "reflecting" upon not just our actions but also who are "are", who we "aren't", who we "were", and who we "maybe".

The simple truth, for how subjective it may be, is that the human condition seems to be one of being "crucified" where we hang in a dark space between what "is" and "what is not"...a shadow world so to speak where logic evaporates in one respect yet maintains itself as ever-present in another. We say to ourselves, in our hearts, that there is no "reason" and yet this is our rationale in which we find a form of meaning and balance. Neitszche observed that when one stares into the void the void stares back and when one fights with monsters to be aware lest one becomes a monster. And yet the void, the darkness of our own ignorance, seems to be unavoidable...so are we all monsters? What is "death" exactly considering it seems inseparable from darkness, the "monsters" we build in the hidden recesses of who we are?

The world is vanity, yet vanity "as appearance" gives some depth of knowledge in the respect that a "symbol" is merely a medial point to some further truth...and this "truth" (whatever...or whoever it may be) seems to exist regardless. Why? Because vanity in itself is vain and this seems to mirror its own meaning without any fear of contradiction. Vanity is its own answer in the respect it cannot exist on its own without some underlying meaning...an the meaning? It seems inescapable from the process of reasoning in itself as a form of measurement where being is created, destroyed or maintained in such a manner where our perceptions lead us to a place in which we "reap what we sow".

So again the question, with an added twist: How does a man die in the face of vanity? It appears, because of the nature of appearance, that what true death is, at least that for which man's condition is most acclamented to, seems to be one of letting go. But how does one let go?

From a practical perspective I have to let the girl go...because I like her too much. From an abstract perspective? Maybe the process of "letting go" is simply just a continual act of forgiveness, of oneself and other's (considering we are all unified by one thing: Death in its various grades of mortality), in not just a vain hope but rather a real reason to allow being to express itself for what it really is: it is just there, hence maybe there is goodness in everything...however little of it we see at times.

[Science Fan]

If one considers God to be infinite, then one has to accept the fact that all of us are God, and so is everything. If someone was not God, then that would mean God was bounded, and, therefore, not infinite. This is the Jewish concept of God called Ein Sof, I think, I could be mistaken on the name. It's also, ironically enough, the same logical reasoning about God that Spinoza used to come up with his atheistic version of God. But, if one thinks about it, for many people, God is infinite, so the claim that we are all God is logically consistent with that belief. In fact, it logically follows from it.

I learned awhile back that trying to address those questions you are asking is a sure way to go nuts. I just focus on the practical aspects of life and figure those larger questions have no answers and one can spend all day long puzzling over them, and getting no where fast in the process.

[Impenitent]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gV6noHEd6XE

-Imp