-1- wrote: ↑Fri Feb 16, 2018 11:38 am
A_Seagull wrote: ↑Thu Feb 15, 2018 8:52 pm
Given the choice of having dinner with a prostitute or a moralist, I would choose the prostitute every time.
I have no doubt the conversation would be more entertaining and honest.
Dinner with moralist:
Moralist: "So I told her that she still short changed me, because I gave her a twenty. But I said, one of the deadliest virtues is charity, so I will exercise my virtue, and leave her the extra change that she could do with as she wished."
Moralist (takes a bite of brisket.)
I: "This chicken is tough."
Moralist: "Yes, the cook was immoral in cooking it too long."
I: "And the potatoes are made of powder, not of real potatoes. The mashed potatoes."
Moralist: "Yes, and therefore the chef will burn in eternal hellfire for doing so and destroying the culinary experience of such vast huge large amount of people on a daily basis."
I: "Seen any good movies lately?"
Moralist: "Yes, I'd say. One of the best movies I've ever seen was a new one last week, "The Eternal Unsolvability Principle and Its Ramification in Goeddel's Eschenbau und Heimatsfruhe" You gotta go and see it."
I: "O...ooookay."
Prostitute: "I am hungry. Buy me some food."
I: "Okay, you want the chicken, or the garlic butter-soaked oversalted shrimp, semi-cooked for your salmonella-laden culinary pleasure?"
Prostitute: "Whichever is more expensive."
I: "So, I mean earm, ize, it's a nice day we are having, aren't we?"
Prostitute: "Waiter, there is a fucking fly in my soup."
Waiter: (Oxford Ph.D. in philosophy) Hm. (He gives himself to great thought. Finally:) Ma'm, it's impossible.
Prostitute: "What do you mean?"
Waiter: "A fly all by itself alone, can't be fucking. That's copulation, and by definition, it needs two flies of opposite sexes. Maybe the Mademoiselle meant to say that the fly is self-engaged in autoerotica."
Prostitute: "Whatever. I fell asleep somewhere in the middle of your monologue there. Repeat?"
I: "Waiter, please bring another fly so the one in the soup is not so lonely."
Waiter: "Right away, sir. You want a blonde one, a brunette, or a read-head?"
I: "Read-head?"
Waiter: "Yes, a fly with a well-rounded reading list below her belt, from Faulkner to Boussireaivedaicissime, to Sommerset Maugham, to Tante Dante."
I: "Will we have time to eat the soup between sentences of the literary fly?"
Waiter: "if that's a concern, sir, I'll bring a deaf and mute one. Or if we out of those, can I bring the ma'm a dead and mute one?"
Prositute: "I need a hit. Anyone has any crack?"
I: "Buth Thelma! Not in public!?"
Prostitute: (in singing voice) "I'll go down on yo-o-ou first!"
I: