Fear Of Life

[artisticsolution]

I am not afraid of dying...I am afraid of living.

[Dalek Prime]

And well you should be. Very sensible statement, if you ask me. But the bravado brigade will chime in to tell us to have no fear, and what cowards anyone who admits wisely to this are.

[PoeticUniverse]

Is this any better of an approach?

I fear not death, Heaven, or even Hell,
For death is only life’s natural knell,
And Heaven and Hell are within myself;
The one thing I fear is not living well!

[Lacewing]

I am not afraid of dying...I am afraid of living.

It takes a lot of courage to "do Earth".

[hazlett]

I am not afraid of dying...I am afraid of living.

Is this is because of worries about things in life? No life is perfect. All of us have our own dealings in life.

[kriswest]

Life is for discovery of self, an adventure in exploring your potential if you can, some cannot or will not. Fear of life is fear of death.

[artisticsolution]

I am not afraid of dying...I am afraid of living.

Is this is because of worries about things in life? No life is perfect. All of us have our own dealings in life.

You hit the nail on the head. The only constant horror in my life has been consistently my mother. Intellectually I know she's mentally ill...but emotionally, sometimes it's all I can do to shut my mouth when she spews her hateful crazy bullshit.

I got a commission the other day for 3 nude vampires....in the art biz you pretty much take what you can get when things are slow...so...even though I'm not big on vampires, I took the commission with the stipulation I could display them at my upcoming show and they will be warrior based nude vampires to be in keeping with my theme..

long story short. ..I sent one of the pics to my sis and she showed my nutcase (sorry...still mad...I don't usually talk this way about my mom or the mentally ill) Christian mother!

So she sees it and it disturbs her...I guess the nudity along with the fangs? I dunno but she blew a gasket and now I'm "demonic satan worshipper". Now I know this sounds silly...but you have to understand how crazy my mom is. ..when my mom gets fixated on something she will bad mouth you to everyone. ..make death threats ( she owns a gun and don't think it hasn't crosses my mind that she would use on me someday)...I mean it is extreme.

She always has to do this to someone in the family and she can pull it off for a while cause she is so convincing ...you have to know her and see her in action to understand...for the last 30 years it's been me she has had a problem with...it's really weird. My friends have been witness to her hatred directed to me and they think it bizarre.

Doesn't matter I am always good to her....I know this sounds stupid...but it's particularly hard for me...I never knew my dad...and I never had a mom I could find comfort.(boo hoo...it's know...it's sound pathetic. ..and usually I can take it...but sometimes I can't. ..and nd I have to say something to defend myself ..like now...then the shit hits the fan.

I do have great friends and a great family...so it's not like I'm totally looking forward to death. It's just that I kinda am looking forward to it...well that is , unless my mom's right and I am going to burn in hell for eternity. ..lol.

Shit...im pretty sure this rant could win duszek ' s competition. ..I should have saved it for that thread!

[Bill Wiltrack]

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Nude vampires?

...um, you wouldn't be able to post those pics would ya?...ya know, so uh, so we could decide...um, something...




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[Lacewing]

artisticsolution... very interesting post. I can relate to it. I, too, have a Christian mom who suffers from rage and who has, in the past, looked possessed as she accused ME of being the devil. Fortunately, she has turned around in her old age, and she never owned a gun.

These experiences we have are so potent! So full of juicy juicy stuff that challenges and spurs us in so many ways. My parents had no idea who I was. It bothered me until... maybe(?) I stopped identifying with them as much. They were who they were... and I am who I am... and it's all beautiful.

The dynamic you experience with your mother could (of course) be inspiring for your artwork. I think it's wonderful that you are true to yourself, even though it freaks her out. My words and ideas challenged my mom. I was gentle but brave. I wanted to show her that the things outside of her view are NOT evil. And she finally started to see it. Yes, like you, I've always been very good to her. (Maybe that's why she has been clinging to her deathbed for 2-1/2 years -- she doesn't want to go!)

Seeing as how your mom has a gun... it's probably wise that you use caution with her. Protect and celebrate yourself in the way you deserve, regardless of her limitations. (I like to imagine my parents and grandparents on the "spirit plane", rooting me on in a way that they weren't able to here on earth.)

You have an interesting story on this planet. I hope you live out every day as fully as you can, for as long as you decide to stay. I think that our lives and our personalities (as the Sufis say) are our greatest artwork! I want to see what I can create and experience while I'm here. The world seems to be going ever-crazier all around us. Perhaps people who grew up with craziness (and under attack) were "warriors" in training, and didn't even know it. We already know the dance... and we know how to be/remain ourselves and find our way despite it. That seems valuable.

Thanks for sharing your story.

[artisticsolution]

Hi Lace, Bill, Poet, Haze and Dalek,

Thanks Lace for your thoughtful post. I know what you are saying is logical, but believe it or not I still worry about my mom. I have not contacted her and I am sure the longer I stay away the more drama will unfold, but at least I won't have to hear it first hand. My sis can take over for awhile, as my mom is stubborn and would not call me to help her with anything, as now I am 'demon possessed' in her mind. I am not really angry anymore, but I am no longer willing to allow her to be abusive towards me.