Fowl humour: “A Cluckwork Orange”
https://philosophynow.org/issues/13/Why_did_the_chicken_cross_the_road
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Albert Einstein Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
To lose some mass.
Aristotle To actualise its potential.
If all chicken cross the road
And all roads are crossed by chicken
The a chicken will cross the road.
B.F. Skinner Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
False. A chicken's abiltiy to figure out mazes is extremely limited.
Buddha If you meet the chicken on the road, kill it.
When the road appears, the chicken crosses it.
Carl Jung The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
There was some species-wide understanding that the primal scream therapist practiced on the other side.
Charles Darwin It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
To avoid the oncoming fox on the old side of the road.
David Hume Out of custom and habit.
Because chicken are smarter than we think.
Douglas Adams Forty-two.
(This I can't change.)
Emily Dickinson Because it could not stop for death.
Blow me.
Epicurus For fun.
There were tastier kernels on the other side.
Ernest Hemingway To die. In the rain.
It. Did. The. End.
Henry David Thoreau To live deliberately… and suck all the marrow out of life.
Because it never read a fucking word by Henry DAvid Thoraeau.
Hippocrates Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Laughter is the best medicine.
Jack Nicholson ‘Cause it [censored] wanted to. That’s the [censored] reason.
Because the road was part of the escaper route out of the institution.
Jacques Derrida Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
*I have no clue who Jacques Der Rida was, and i bet you that you don't either.
Jean-Paul Sartre In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Because it felt as an outsider on the old side.
J.F. von Goethe The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Leben, Lernen und Lacheln. Die drei Vernunft die Strasse zu krossen ist gewesen war geworden.
Karl Marx It was a historical inevitability.
To exploit the workers on the other side.
Ludwig Wittgenstein The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualisation of this potential occurrence.
You actually will never know why. Not even close.
Machiavelli So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.
It's all explained in my book, "The Art of Crossing Roads". Basically, if you want to cross the road,you can't be chicken.
Mark Twain The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Because it was the ole' one-eyed McNaughton's deaf and dumb chicken from Newbery, straight from the General Store to the Saloon across the road from it.
Nietzsche Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Chicken is dead.
Plato For the greater good.
Have you ever seen a chicken in a cave? No? Well, then, there you go.
Pyrrho the Skeptic What road?
I wish I could believe the chicken crossed the road. But on pure knowledge, there is no convincing evidence that it did.
Ralph Waldo Emerson It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
If a chicken wants to be on the other side of the road, it has to cross it.
Salvador Dali The Fish.
Road burns like indigo paper, fish flies south in winter, I am you and you're me.
The Sphinx You tell me.
You could have smelled it from a mile away.
Thomas de Torquemada Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
who the fuck is Thomas de Torquemada?
Timothy Leary Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
It progressed across the road because it wanted to make a stand.
Werner Heisenberg We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
The probability function of the position of the chicken can only be calculated by grade seven math teachers or better.
Zeno of Elea To prove it could never reach the other side.
Because it thought it was a hare.
(This piece of turd has been floating around the world on the Internet. We haven’t managed to identify the twisted genius who concocted it; if it was you, please contact us and we’ll credit you in the next issue. Many thanks to Hans Pietersen (South Africa), Wei-Choon Ng (Singapore) and Kessack Young-Smith (UK) for forwarding it to Philosophy Now.)
The unaltered version of the foregoing has been floating around on poorly typed, mimeographed sheets of paper, at around the time the first commercial mini-computers were built,that is, when computer memory units and the CPU took up half a floor space of a medium-sized hangar.
The Internet? My foot.
To lose some mass.
Aristotle To actualise its potential.
If all chicken cross the road
And all roads are crossed by chicken
The a chicken will cross the road.
B.F. Skinner Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
False. A chicken's abiltiy to figure out mazes is extremely limited.
Buddha If you meet the chicken on the road, kill it.
When the road appears, the chicken crosses it.
Carl Jung The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
There was some species-wide understanding that the primal scream therapist practiced on the other side.
Charles Darwin It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
To avoid the oncoming fox on the old side of the road.
David Hume Out of custom and habit.
Because chicken are smarter than we think.
Douglas Adams Forty-two.
(This I can't change.)
Emily Dickinson Because it could not stop for death.
Blow me.
Epicurus For fun.
There were tastier kernels on the other side.
Ernest Hemingway To die. In the rain.
It. Did. The. End.
Henry David Thoreau To live deliberately… and suck all the marrow out of life.
Because it never read a fucking word by Henry DAvid Thoraeau.
Hippocrates Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Laughter is the best medicine.
Jack Nicholson ‘Cause it [censored] wanted to. That’s the [censored] reason.
Because the road was part of the escaper route out of the institution.
Jacques Derrida Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the chicken crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
*I have no clue who Jacques Der Rida was, and i bet you that you don't either.
Jean-Paul Sartre In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the chicken found it necessary to cross the road.
Because it felt as an outsider on the old side.
J.F. von Goethe The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
Leben, Lernen und Lacheln. Die drei Vernunft die Strasse zu krossen ist gewesen war geworden.
Karl Marx It was a historical inevitability.
To exploit the workers on the other side.
Ludwig Wittgenstein The possibility of “crossing” was encoded into the objects “chicken” and “road”, and circumstances came into being which caused the actualisation of this potential occurrence.
You actually will never know why. Not even close.
Machiavelli So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a chicken which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the princely chicken’s dominion maintained.
It's all explained in my book, "The Art of Crossing Roads". Basically, if you want to cross the road,you can't be chicken.
Mark Twain The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Because it was the ole' one-eyed McNaughton's deaf and dumb chicken from Newbery, straight from the General Store to the Saloon across the road from it.
Nietzsche Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
Chicken is dead.
Plato For the greater good.
Have you ever seen a chicken in a cave? No? Well, then, there you go.
Pyrrho the Skeptic What road?
I wish I could believe the chicken crossed the road. But on pure knowledge, there is no convincing evidence that it did.
Ralph Waldo Emerson It didn’t cross the road; it transcended it.
If a chicken wants to be on the other side of the road, it has to cross it.
Salvador Dali The Fish.
Road burns like indigo paper, fish flies south in winter, I am you and you're me.
The Sphinx You tell me.
You could have smelled it from a mile away.
Thomas de Torquemada Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.
who the fuck is Thomas de Torquemada?
Timothy Leary Because that’s the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
It progressed across the road because it wanted to make a stand.
Werner Heisenberg We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
The probability function of the position of the chicken can only be calculated by grade seven math teachers or better.
Zeno of Elea To prove it could never reach the other side.
Because it thought it was a hare.
(This piece of turd has been floating around the world on the Internet. We haven’t managed to identify the twisted genius who concocted it; if it was you, please contact us and we’ll credit you in the next issue. Many thanks to Hans Pietersen (South Africa), Wei-Choon Ng (Singapore) and Kessack Young-Smith (UK) for forwarding it to Philosophy Now.)
The unaltered version of the foregoing has been floating around on poorly typed, mimeographed sheets of paper, at around the time the first commercial mini-computers were built,that is, when computer memory units and the CPU took up half a floor space of a medium-sized hangar.
The Internet? My foot.
Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?
There was an other circular, similar in nature, typed on poorly mimeographed papers. It explained from all world religions' point of view (each individually) how shit happens. Sorry, that was the actual topic.
So the Roman Catholic dogma said, "Shit happens and you're to blame for it."
The Hare Krishna said, "Shit happens. Shit happens. Shit happens."
And a whole bunch of others, which I can't remember. This "shit happens" script was a bit better than the "chicken road-cross".
So the Roman Catholic dogma said, "Shit happens and you're to blame for it."
The Hare Krishna said, "Shit happens. Shit happens. Shit happens."
And a whole bunch of others, which I can't remember. This "shit happens" script was a bit better than the "chicken road-cross".
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commonsense
- Posts: 5182
- Joined: Sun Mar 26, 2017 6:38 pm
Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define. ... %20happens-1- wrote: ↑Fri Mar 15, 2019 11:55 am There was an other circular, similar in nature, typed on poorly mimeographed papers. It explained from all world religions' point of view (each individually) how shit happens. Sorry, that was the actual topic.
So the Roman Catholic dogma said, "Shit happens and you're to blame for it."
The Hare Krishna said, "Shit happens. Shit happens. Shit happens."
And a whole bunch of others, which I can't remember. This "shit happens" script was a bit better than the "chicken road-cross".
-
attofishpi
- Posts: 10012
- Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:10 am
- Location: Orion Spur
- Contact:
Re: Why did the chicken cross the road?
For the opposite reason the fox did.Why did the chicken cross the road?