Funny things in your life involving you or friends

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promethean75
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by promethean75 »

I'm in a fast-food restaurant one day eating and across the dining area sits three gorgeous girls. I do not attempt to establish contact, but I do make sure they notice me... so I'm moving around trying to draw their attention so they can see what a hottie I am, and I'll be damned if the hardened plastic bench seat I'm sitting on doesn't make the most hideous fart sound ever to beset the human ear. Now what do I do? I'm in a panic, so I do what's logical; I attempt to reproduce the sound by moving again so that they might notice that the seat caused the sound... but this time it doesn't. Now, not only am I the guy who farted in the fast-food restaurant, but also the weirdo who can't hold still in his seat and keeps sliding back and forth for some reason.
promethean75
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by promethean75 »

So I'm a cowboy and on a steel horse I ride. Got a CBR600rr and an SV1000s, and I figured I'd join a biker dating site and see if I can find me some midnight riders. I swear to god I'm not there twenty four hours and they match me up with Lucretia a.k.a. 'the cricket'.

Well what do you think? Should I message her? She's got a strong presence and looks like a girl who knows what she wants. I think I'd look pretty good on the back of her bike in some little shorts, yeah?
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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by vegetariantaxidermy »

promethean75 wrote: Thu Dec 30, 2021 1:21 am So I'm a cowboy and on a steel horse I ride. Got a CBR600rr and an SV1000s, and I figured I'd join a biker dating site and see if I can find me some midnight riders. I swear to god I'm not there twenty four hours and they match me up with Lucretia a.k.a. 'the cricket'.

Well what do you think? Should I message her? She's got a strong presence and looks like a girl who knows what she wants. I think I'd look pretty good on the back of her bike in some little shorts, yeah?

Screenshot_20211229-190750.png
I think she looks too good for you. You come across as a giant arsehole.
promethean75
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by promethean75 »

I have watched this commercial come on the TV every ten minutes for the last year, and every time they redo it, I notice the guy has gotten fatter. But that's not what is driving me insane. What's driving me insane is how often these low budget, badly produced commercials with horrible amateur actors are on the TV. And what makes them so unbearably terrible is how they are pressed to do the scenes so quickly to shorten the commercial as much as possible to avoid having to pay outrageous amounts for air time. Add to this the fact that as amatuer actors, none of them know how to act, and so they overdo the effort with unnecessary movement and gesturing. Watch how the chick in the green shirt at 0:30 crams what she's supposed to say into such a small space that it comes off as so contrived and unnatural. 'you also get no-cost-oil-changes-loaners-towing service if you need it, etc.' See what I mean? And then what happens? The fat guy says the same stuff the green shirt chick just said, in the very next scene. But I thought they were trying to save money by shortening the commercial. Finally, watch how those two dingbats bob their heads and smile after the fat guy reassures them.

Words cannot express how much my skin crawls when I see commercials like this... and imma tell you what's happening in the western world. You're wondering why social interactions between people in public are so fake, right? Well guess what. This is partly because people, especially young people, subconsciously model their behavior off of what they are seeing on the TV. That's why the last time you interacted with some stranger at the grocery store, you felt like you both were reading from a script. The media of product advertisement in a capitalist/consumerist society is turning you all into over-gesturing amateur actors pressed for time who mean nothing of what you say to each other.

https://youtu.be/9EKfOPp4Sy4

The fat guy's stomach wasn't hanging over the belt line like that six months ago. I want you to know that. Now look at it. Look at it goddamit! And when those two bimbos start bobbing their heads at the end, I want you to smack the shit out of your monitor or phone.

I will NEVER buy a car from those ass rangers. In fact I've got the good nerve to go down there and set them all on fire.
promethean75
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by promethean75 »

Look at how casually it's done tho. A Texan redneck standoff. The worst thing that woulda happened wuz these two knuckleheads woulda circled each other nose to nose like fifteen more times until one of the women broke it up. They'da cussed each other out, and then quietly gone home.

There's sumthin about a gun and a redneck. Other people can own guns and there lives don't become a Dukes of Hazard episode. I wonder if the writers of the constitution had any idea about the worst thing that could happen in the future because of the second amendment. I mean we're still waiting on this so called tyrannical government takeover that hasn't yet happened, so we buy a bunch of guns just in case. Meanwhile, rednecks all over ermerica are shootin' each uhther like they wuz at the county fair shootin' gallery, mm-hmm. And Lynyrd Skynyrd sure as shit ain't helpin' none, neither.

https://mydailyfreedom.com/ams/kyle-car ... rsion.575/
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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by vegetariantaxidermy »

promethean75 wrote: Sun Jan 02, 2022 10:35 pm Look at how casually it's done tho. A Texan redneck standoff. The worst thing that woulda happened wuz these two knuckleheads woulda circled each other nose to nose like fifteen more times until one of the women broke it up. They'da cussed each other out, and then quietly gone home.

There's sumthin about a gun and a redneck. Other people can own guns and there lives don't become a Dukes of Hazard episode. I wonder if the writers of the constitution had any idea about the worst thing that could happen in the future because of the second amendment. I mean we're still waiting on this so called tyrannical government takeover that hasn't yet happened, so we buy a bunch of guns just in case. Meanwhile, rednecks all over ermerica are shootin' each uhther like they wuz at the county fair shootin' gallery, mm-hmm. And Lynyrd Skynyrd sure as shit ain't helpin' none, neither.

https://mydailyfreedom.com/ams/kyle-car ... rsion.575/
Isn't 'redneck' a 'racist' term? Why would anyone assume that all fat, white males from the US South are rabid white supremacists and gun lovers?
promethean75
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by promethean75 »

No, 'redneck' is a scientific classification in my country. Might even be a Platonic Form. 'Course there are degrees of idiosyncrasy, but the typology is a class of its own.
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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by vegetariantaxidermy »

promethean75 wrote: Sun Jan 02, 2022 10:51 pm No, 'redneck' is a scientific classification in my country. Might even be a Platonic Form. 'Course there are degrees of idiosyncrasy, but the typology is a class of its own.
So 'appearance based scientific classification' only applies to fat white southern males? Interesting.
promethean75
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by promethean75 »

Problem is, we don't wanna disarm them because the working class needs to be armed to form the proletarian dictatorship in the event of a revolution... but the dumb sonsabitches are all protestant conservative right-wingers!

You know how many Curtises and Leroys are PROUD to make $11.75 per hour baling hay and laying shingles for ten hours a day? It's unbelievable. Half of this is that asshat Lee Greenwood's fault.
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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by vegetariantaxidermy »

promethean75 wrote: Sun Jan 02, 2022 11:00 pm Problem is, we don't wanna disarm them because the working class needs to be armed to form the proletarian dictatorship in the event of a revolution... but the dumb sonsabitches are all protestant conservative right-wingers!

You know how many Curtises and Leroys are PROUD to make $11.75 per hour baling hay and laying shingles for ten hours a day? It's unbelievable. Half of this is that asshat Lee Greenwood's fault.
Isn't that a good wage over there?

I'm just waiting for the wokies on here to call you out on your racial stereotyping... I might be waiting a long time though....
commonsense
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by commonsense »

Aren’t rednecks recognized by their un-wokiness, and not by their race? Aren’t there rednecks in every rural county, not just in the South?
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henry quirk
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by henry quirk »

rednecks all over ermerica are shootin' each uhther like they wuz at the county fair shootin' gallery

philadelphia, baltimore, detroit and washington dc, chicago: redneck havens
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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by vegetariantaxidermy »

henry quirk wrote: Mon Jan 03, 2022 2:04 am rednecks all over ermerica are shootin' each uhther like they wuz at the county fair shootin' gallery

philadelphia, baltimore, detroit and washington dc, chicago: redneck havens
Are you a fat, white Southern male Henry? Funny, I always pictured you as a little guy, about 5'2", wiry, not fat (probably because of your avatar :lol: ).
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attofishpi
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by attofishpi »

So.

Talking of making people laugh in public places.

I once worked for a company owned by a UK firm called Cable & Wireless. This is\was their logo:--->>

Image

So it was a 'YES' day, where we all had to go to some offsite big conference, I think to dissuade us of the nauseating feeling that we were in fact working for a bunch of ****s.

So a woman was about 15 minutes into an extremely boring typical pile of shit where the word 'excited' and 'exciting' left me wondering if I should pull out a dictionary to see if there was a definition I was not privy to...when we were all given our present for the day...mugs.

And on the mugs was the above logo...which I always considered reminded me of the Death Star from Star Wars.

We all had also been issued with black permanent marker pens, so once I received the mug I decided to draw...rather easily, two Tai Fighters next to the Death Star upon the mug. I glanced over at a friend on the opposite side of the desk, who glanced back as I turned the new piece of my artistic endeavour towards, one that knew I had mastered the force.

He grunted. I grunted.

Time elapsed in the quiet room, all but the one that speaketh corp wisdom to us all. (apart from me and the other dude)

He grunted again.

I grunted, again.

Tears were filling his eyes. I refused to look again at the imbecile.

I managed to quell the feeling, realising this was easy so long as...nobody grunts. Alas, I could hear him containing something that could no longer be containeth.

He grunted again, I grunted...by now we were both attempting to contain hysterical laughter, and we all know that is impossible, especially when you eventually have to agree to yourself, that you truly don't give a flying crap.

By the time we had calmed ourselves and all eyes were on us, the poor woman that had flown half way across the country to give this speech to us gave me a little probing to which I replied, the force is with us, and also with you.

^^^^ The giggle loop ^^^^
Explained in Coupling:-
https://www.snotr.com/video/6244/The_Giggle_Loop
commonsense
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Re: Funny things in your life involving you or friends

Post by commonsense »

Does watching Mrs. Doubtfire for the first time count?
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