Brahn Boots (Brown Boots) by Stanley Holloway

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Luxin
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Brahn Boots (Brown Boots) by Stanley Holloway

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bUJJVSPdp4
Brahn Boots -- Cockney monologue/song sung by Stanley Holloway; lyrics by Bert Lee and Robert Patrick Westin.

MONOLOGUE:
Our Aunt Anna's passed away;
We'd 'er funeral today;
And it was a posh affair;
'ad to 'ave two policemen there.

The 'earse was lovely, all plate glass;
What a coffin, oak and brass;
We'd thousands weepin', flowers galore;
But Jim, our cousin ... Whadoyou think 'e wore?

Brahn boots, I ask yer, brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral in brahn boots!
I'll admit he had a nice black tie,
Black fingernails, and a nice black eye;
But you cahn't see people off when they die in brahn boots!

And Aunt 'ad been so very good to 'im;
Done all what any mother could for 'im;
And Jim, her son, to show 'is class,
Rolls up to make it all a farce in brahn boots!
I ask yer, brahn boots!
While all the rest wore decent black and mourning suits!

Well, only 'e didn't seem so gay;
In fact he cried best part o' th' way;
But straight, he regular spoilt our day
With 'is brahn boots!

In the graveyard we left Jim;
None of us said much to 'im;
Yah, we all give 'im the bird,
Till by accident we 'eard
'e'd give his black boots to 'is pal Jim Small,
A bloke who got no boots at all;
So pr'aps Aunt Anna wouldn't mind;
She did like people who was good and kind.

But brahn boots, I ask yer, brahn boots!
Fancy coming to a funeral in brahn boots!
We could 'ear the neighbors all remark,
"What 'im, chief mourner?
What a bloomin' lark!
Why 'e looks more like a bookmaker's clark wiv' 'is brahn boots!"

That's why we was all so very rude to 'im;
That's why we never even said 'ow do to 'im;
We didn't know, he didn't say ...
'e'd give 'is other boots away....

SONG/MONOLOGUE:
But brahn boots, I ask yer, brahn boots....
While all the rest wore decent black and mourning suits....
But some day up at 'eaven's gate;
Poor Jim, all nerves, will stand and wait,
Till an angel whispers ... "Come in mate,
Where's ... yer ... brahn ... boots.....?"
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