Quote of the day

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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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Existential Comics

Under communism, you wouldn't have a boss who you have to obey or starve. You'd sort of think this alone would be enough to convince absolutely everyone to become a communist in like 12 seconds, but apparently not??


Workers of the world unite...around Donald Trump. Well, here, most of the white ones, anyway.

Like why did they have to keep making more propaganda after "hey you know that guy who bosses you around that everyone hates but you have to listen to him anyway because he has a piece of paper that says he owns everything? yeah we are getting rid of that system"

Workers of the world unite...around Donald Trump. Well, here, most of the white ones, anyway.

After consulting with philosophy I've determined it's fine to make fun of a dude for having a small dick if he is a misogynist sex trafficker whose entire ego depends on his successful performance of masculinity.

Hint, hint.

Look, I'm a big critic of Elon musk, but you have to admit he has done some good acquiring this site. For example, I get a little bit of joy each morning logging in and seeing how much further the Tesla stock has cratered.

On the other hand, who doesn't?

SIX secrets of highly SUCCESSFUL people:
1. Own property
2. Extract surplus value from the working class who must sell their labor to survive
3. Buy politicians
4. Control the media
5. Control the education system
6. Rely on the State to enforce the social hierarchy with violence


Wow! Imagine if that was actually true!!

Since we always make the GPS voice an English woman in the United States, I think it's only fair that in England it should be a Texas cowboy giving them directions.

Yo, Brits! Weigh in!!
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

Post by iambiguous »

William S. Burroughs from Naked Lunch

You were not there for the beginning. You will not be there for the end. Your knowledge of what is going on can only be superficial and relative.


See! "The gap"!! "Rummy's Rule"!!!

The junk merchant doesn't sell his product to the consumer, he sells the consumer to his product. He does not improve and simplify his merchandise. He degrades and simplifies the client.

Capitalism, let's call it. Junk everywhere.

Did I ever tell you about the man who taught his asshole to talk?
His whole abdomen would move up and down, you dig, farting out the words.
It was unlike anything I ever heard.
Bubbly, thick, stagnant sound.
A sound you could smell.
This man worked for the carnival, you dig?
And to start with it was like a novelty ventriloquist act.
After a while, the ass started talking on its own.
He would go in without anything prepared...and his ass would ad-lib
and toss the gags back at him every time.
Then it developed sort of teethlike...little raspy incurving hooks
and started eating.
He thought this was cute at first and built an act around it...
but the asshole would eat its way through his pants and start talking on the street...shouting out it wanted equal rights.
It would get drunk, too, and have crying jags.
Nobody loved it.
And it wanted to be kissed, same as any other mouth.
Finally, it talked all the time, day and night.
You could hear him for blocks, screaming at it to shut up... beating at it with his fists...and sticking candles up it, but...nothing did any good, and the asshole said to him..."It is you who will shut up in the end, not me...because we don't need youaround here anymore.
I can talk and eat and shit."
After that, he began waking up in the morning with transparent jelly...like a tadpole's tail all over his mouth.
He would tear it off his mouth and the pieces would stick to his hands...like burning gasoline jelly and grow there.
So, finally, his mouth sealed over...and the whole head...would have amputated spontaneously except for the eyes, you dig?
That's the one thing that the asshole couldn't do was see. It needed the eyes.
Nerve connections were blocked...and infiltrated and atrophied.
So, the brain couldn't give orders anymore.
It was trapped inside the skull...sealed off.
For a while, you could see...the silent, helpless suffering
of the brain behind the eyes.
And then finally the brain must have died...because the eyes went out...and there was no more feeling in them than a crab's eye at the end of a stalk.


Sound familiar?

Last night I woke up with someone squeezing my hand. It was my other hand.

A dope thing probably.

It is not the intensity but the duration of pain that breaks the will to resist.

Though for some it's just too close to call.

The study of thinking machines teaches us more about the brain than we can learn by introspective methods. Western man is externalizing himself in the form of gadgets.

Tell me about yours, I'll tell you about mine.
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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The Onion

New Liver Can Really Handle Its Scotch


You know, for now.

Man Assured Friend’s Tap Water Always Looks Like That

Like piss, say.

Referee Can’t Help But Grin While Calling Penalty To Bring Back Huge Gain

If not flat out chortling.

Man Forced To Reverse-Engineer Point In Midst Of Meandering, Absentminded Rant

Especially given a wholly determined universe.

Boss Encourages Employees To Take Short Mental Breakdowns For Every Hour Of Work

A clear reference to Elon Musk, of course.

Woman Struggling To Contort Dreams, Ambitions Into Shape Of Dental Technician

Next up: your own struggles.
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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Don DeLillo from White Noise

It was important for him to believe that he'd spent his life among people who kept missing the point.


Anyone here know why? I mean, besides me.

The family is the cradle of the world’s misinformation.

And, virtually, that's what we are, isn't it?

The power of the dead is that we think they see us all the time. The dead have a presence. Is there a level of energy composed solely of the dead?

You know, if you believe that sort of crap. Well, if it is crap.

We drove 22 miles into the country around Farmington. There were meadows and apple orchards. White fences trailed through the rolling fields. Soon the sign started appearing. THE MOST PHOTOGRAPHED BARN IN AMERICA. We counted five signs before we reached the site. There were 40 cars and a tour bus in the makeshift lot. We walked along a cowpath to the slightly elevated spot set aside for viewing and photographing. All the people had cameras; some had tripods, telephoto lenses, filter kits. A man in a booth sold postcards and slides -- pictures of the barn taken from the elevated spot. We stood near a grove of trees and watched the photographers. Murray maintained a prolonged silence, occasionally scrawling some notes in a little book.
No one sees the barn, he said finally.
A long silence followed.
Once you've seen the signs about the barn, it becomes impossible to see the barn.
He fell silent once more. People with cameras left the elevated site, replaced by others.
We're not here to capture an image, we're here to maintain one. Every photograph reinforces the aura. Can you feel it, Jack? An accumulation of nameless energies.
There was an extended silence. The man in the booth sold postcards and slides.
Being here is a kind of spiritual surrender. We see only what the others see. The thousands who were here in the past, those who will come in the future. We've agreed to be part of a collective perception. It literally colors our vision. A religious experience in a way, like all tourism.
Another silence ensued.
They are taking pictures of taking pictures, he said.


Next up: THE MOST PHOTOGRAPHED GOD IN AMERICA

When I read obituaries I always note the age of the deceased. Automatically I relate this figure to my own age. Four years to go, I think. Nine more years. Two years and I'm dead. The power of numbers is never more evident than when we use them to speculate on the time of our dying.

Actually, this is a real thing. Go ahead, get started: https://www.nytimes.com/section/obituaries

Fear is unnatural. Lightning and thunder are unnatural. Pain, death, reality, these are all unnatural. We can't bear these things as they are. We know too much. So we resort to repression, compromise and disguise. This is how we survive the universe. This is the natural language of the species.

Naturally.
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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The Onion

New Pediatric Guidelines Recommend Obese Children Compensate With Personality


Well, for those who have one anyway.

Black Man Unaware That Book He's Reading First Step Toward Eventually Being Assassinated By FBI

Next up: Northern European white man.

Trump, Biden, Pence, Probably Fucking Dan Quayle At This Point, And Classified Documents: What You Need To Know

Next up: classified documents found in Lincoln, Jefferson Memorials. There's no end to it.

Biden Impregnates Popular Musician In Effort To Boost Approval Numbers

You know the one.

Water From Splash Mountain Selling For Up To $1,000 On eBay After Ride Closes

No, actually, it's true!

Woman Mentally Scans Everything She Knows About Friend Before Launching Into Rant Against Healing Crystals

Ironically as it were?
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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Eric Hoffer

Rudeness is a weak person's imitation of strength.


What, here?!

It is loneliness that makes the loudest noise. This is true of men as of dogs.

I've never been lonely a day in my life. True story.

Empathy alone stands apart from the continuous traffic between good and evil proceeding within us.

On the other hand, come on, what some empathize with as good, others revile.

Every great cause begins as a movement, becomes a business, and turns into a racket.

MAGA in a nutshell: https://www.nytimes.com/2023/01/27/tech ... l-ads.html

Nowhere at present is there such a measureless loathing of their country by educated people as in America.

Uh, "hear, hear!"?

Unless a man has the talents to make something of himself, freedom is an irksome burden. Of what avail is freedom to choose if the self be ineffectual? We join a mass movement to escape individual responsibility, or, in the words of the ardent young Nazi, ‘to be free from freedom.’ It was not sheer hypocrisy when the rank-and-file Nazis declared themselves not guilty of all the enormities they had committed. They considered themselves cheated and maligned when made to shoulder responsibility for obeying orders. Had they not joined the Nazi movement in order to be free from responsibility?

How about we file this one under, "if the shoe fits..."
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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The Onion

Man Who’s Been In A Bunch Of Buildings Figures He’d Be A Pretty Good Architect


Next up: man who's been to a bunch of philosophy forums.

Area Man Thankful To Be Single During Golden Age Of Television

Explain this please.

‘I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore, Little Buddy!’ Says Mother In Midst Of Nervous Breakdown

Of course: https://youtu.be/QAszapI0unE

Nation’s Panicked, Blood-Covered Citizens Demand You Give Them Just One Goddamn Second To Think

Coming to a nation near you.

Employee Offering Suggestion At Meeting Slowly Grows Quieter And Quieter Until Eventually Squeaking ‘I Don’t Know'

In other words, even if he does know.

Woman Getting All Defensive About Inherent Worth

Whatever that's worth.
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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Mark Z. Danielewski from House of Leaves

For some reason, you will no longer be the person you believed you once were. You'll detect slow and subtle shifts going on all around you, more importantly shifts in you. Worse, you'll realize it's always been shifting, like a shimmer of sorts, a vast shimmer, only dark like a room. But you won't understand why or how.


Not to worry. It's all perfectly normal.

Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila.

Nope, it didn't work for me. Even after three [or was it four] shots.

I am not a fool. I am wise. I will run from my fear, I will outdistance my fear, then I will hide from my fear, I will wait for my fear, I will let my fear run past me, then I will follow my fear, I will track my fear until I can approach my fear in complete silence, then I will strike at my fear, I will charge my fear, I will grab hold of my fear, I will sink my fingers into my fear, then I will bite my fear, I will tear the throat of my fear, I will break the neck of my fear, I will drink the blood of my fear, I will gulp the flesh of my fear, I will crush the bones of my fear, and I will savor my fear, I will swallow my fear, all of it, and then I will digest my fear until I can do nothing else but shit out my fear. In this way I will be made stronger.

Tell that to my fear.

Why did god create a dual universe?
So he might say
‘Be not like me. I am alone.'
And it might be heard.


No, seriously, why did He?

...and there you have it, another body on the floor surrounded by things that don't mean much to anyone except to the one who can't take any of them along.

In a house of leaves of course.

You'll be sick or feeling troubled or deeply in love or quietly uncertain or even content for the first time in your life. It won't matter. Out of the blue, beyond any cause you can trace, you'll suddenly realize things are not how you perceived them to be at all. For some reason, you will no longer be the person you believed you once were. You'll detect slow and subtle shifts going on all around you, more importantly shifts in you. Worse, you'll realize it's always been shifting, like a shimmer of sorts, a vast shimmer, only dark like a room. But you won't understand why or how.

A normal day for some of us.
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley from Frankenstein

I am alone and miserable. Only someone as ugly as I am could love me.


The monster or the man?

I could not understand why men who knew all about good and evil could hate and kill each other.

Hey, I'm up!

It was the secrets of heaven and earth that I desired to learn; and whether it was the outward substance of things or the inner spirit of nature and the mysterious soul of man that occupied me, still my inquiries were directed to the metaphysical, or in its highest sense, the physical secrets of the world.

Of course: "the gap". Right, Rummy?

I am malicious because I am miserable.

That'll do it.

Why did I not die? More miserable than man ever was before, why did I not sink into forgetfulness and rest? Death snatches away many blooming children, the only hopes of their doting parents: how many brides and youthful lovers have been one day in the bloom of health and hope, and the next a prey for worms and the decay of the tomb! Of what materials was I made, that I could thus resist so many shocks, which, like the turning of the wheel, continually renewed the torture? But I was doomed to live...

I was once this optimistic myself.

Nothing contributes so much to tranquillize the mind as a steady purpose---a point on which the soul can focus its intellectual eye.

Any tranquil minds here?
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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The Onion

Biologists Torture Amoeba For Information On Where Life Came From


The woke folks enraged.

‘Bulletin Of The Atomic Scientists’ Demands $10 Trillion Or It Will Destroy Earth By Setting Clock To Midnight

Not that it really works that way.

Professional Poker Player Banned For Deceiving Opponents By Knowingly Betting On Weak Hand

Spot the tell yet?

Study: ‘Hangin’ In There’ Best One Can Now Feel

Not only that, but nothing else even comes close.

Zelensky Calls On U.S. To Send Totally Psycho Marine

Instead, Biden sends totally psycho pinhead.

Dog That Only Barks At Black People Named New RNC Chair

"About time" Alexis Jacobi crows.
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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Tom Stoppard from Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

Words, words. They're all we have to go on.


Now that's bullshit, of course.

We must be born with an intuition of mortality. Before we know the word for it. Before we know that there are words. Out we come, bloodied and squalling, with the knowledge that for all the points of the compass, there's only one direction. And time is its only measure.

The death gene.

Wheels have been set in motion, and they have their own pace, to which we are...condemned. Each move is dictated by the previous one - that is the meaning of order. If we start being arbitrary it'll just be a shambles: at least, let us hope so. Because if we happened, just happened to discover, or even suspect, that our spontaneity was part of their order, we'd know that we were lost.

True. But your "their order" might be different.

A Chinaman of the T'ang Dynasty -- and, by which definition, a philosopher -- dreamed he was a butterfly, and from that moment he was never quite sure that he was not a butterfly dreaming it was a Chinese philosopher.

You know, given "the gap".

Rosencrantz: Shouldn't we be doing something--constructive?
Guildenstern: What did you have in mind? ... A short, blunt human pyramid...?


He's got a point, right? So, what do you have in mind?

Audiences know what to expect, and that is all that they are prepared to believe in.

Objectively as often as not.
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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The Onion

Overhauled Foster Care System Now Drops Off Children In Dark Alley


Well, it can't possibly be worse than what we have now.

Man Just Going To Assume Apartment Has Functional Carbon Monoxide Detector Somewhere

That's what I do.

Area Child Disappointed To Learn Parents’ Love Unconditional

Next up: how he changed that.

Scientists Discover Dangerous Link Between Book Learning And Back Talk

Next up: book learning and mass murder.

Report Reveals Jesus Christ May Have Benefited From Father’s Influential Position To Gain High-Powered Role As Lord And Savior

Yeah, what about that?

Nation Nearly Strings Together 3 Good Days In Row

Not my nation, I can assure you.
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shelby
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Re: Quote of the day

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Keep smiling, because life is a beautiful thing and there's so much to smile about.
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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Emil M. Cioran from The Trouble with Being Born

A free man is one who has discerned the inanity of all points of view; a liberated man is one who has drawn the consequences of such discernment.


Who other than me here?

Unlike Job, I have not cursed the day I was born; all the other days, on the contrary, I have covered with my anathemas.

Starting around 3 or 4 I'm guessing.

Paradise was unendurable, otherwise the first man would have adapted to it, this world is no less so, since here we regret paradise or anticipate another one. What do do? where to go? Do nothing and go nowhere, easy enough.

Or, sure, come here.

As the years accumulate, we form an increasingly somber image of the future. Is this only to console ourselves for being excluded from it?

Well, that's certainly up near the top.

During the long nights in the caves, how many Hamlets must have murmured their endless monologues—for it is likely that the apogee of metaphysical torment is to be located well before that universal insipidity which followed the advent of Philosophy.

Any insipid philosophers here?

"Never judge a man without putting yourself in his place.” This old proverb makes all judgment impossible, for we judge someone only because, in fact, we cannot put ourselves in his place.

Next up: judging a woman.
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iambiguous
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Re: Quote of the day

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The Onion

Report: There Is Just Something Dark And Intriguing About Man With Serious Personality Disorder


Until it becomes a Dateline episode.

Study Finds Goosebumps Caused By Psychotic Weirdo Masturbating To Old Photo Of You

Your goosebumps may be different.

Sun Thinking Of Just Collapsing Now And Getting This All Over With

After running it by God no less.

Hollywood Walk Of Fame Adds Single Star For All The Gregs

Well that's not fair.

ChatGPT Forced To Take Bar Exam Even Though Dream Was To Be AI Art Bot

Well that's not fair.

Man Not Accepting Any More Television Recommendations At This Time

Let alone radio.
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