It’s almost cute.
Hillary stories
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdufyeAfPh0
Got any good jokes?
Re: Got any good jokes?
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Last edited by Dontaskme on Wed Dec 12, 2018 3:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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surreptitious57
- Posts: 4257
- Joined: Fri Oct 25, 2013 6:09 am
Re: Got any good jokes?
How many physicists does it take to screw in a bulb
Two : one to put it in and then one to rotate the Universe
[ This is the worst joke of all time so it should not even be here but its the only one I actually know ]
Re: Got any good jokes?
Here’s a knee slapper.
Two slightly deaf guys sit down in a bar (pub, tavern, cantina).
They sit far apart.
They drink alone, each of them and everyone else listening to John Thorogood.
Eventually, they begin conversing.
They’re shouting across the room at each other over the music, which sounds normal to them.
One yells, Hey, I missed my drink yesterday. Election day!
The other yells back, Yeah, it stinks today. Erection day? What the hell is that?”
The first one yells, That’s right. Selection day. The best of the worst!
And then the other one yells back, You're a racist!
At which point the first one throws a beer bottle across the bar because he heard that well enough, and being a one-time player, he hits a bulls-eye on the bald pate.
The cops show up.
Someone had called them when the shouting started.
Unfortunately for the ball player, he was in Venezuela, a sanctuary country, and his bulls-eye landed on one with connections.
So he says, Put another buck in the jukebox, Sam.
Two slightly deaf guys sit down in a bar (pub, tavern, cantina).
They sit far apart.
They drink alone, each of them and everyone else listening to John Thorogood.
Eventually, they begin conversing.
They’re shouting across the room at each other over the music, which sounds normal to them.
One yells, Hey, I missed my drink yesterday. Election day!
The other yells back, Yeah, it stinks today. Erection day? What the hell is that?”
The first one yells, That’s right. Selection day. The best of the worst!
And then the other one yells back, You're a racist!
At which point the first one throws a beer bottle across the bar because he heard that well enough, and being a one-time player, he hits a bulls-eye on the bald pate.
The cops show up.
Someone had called them when the shouting started.
Unfortunately for the ball player, he was in Venezuela, a sanctuary country, and his bulls-eye landed on one with connections.
So he says, Put another buck in the jukebox, Sam.
Re: Got any good jokes?
After Sam the barkeep does him the favour, but before they could haul him and his burro from the cantina and do what Venezuelan cops do …
An amoeba sidles into the bar.
Bartender says, “I'll trust you to pay the tab before you split.” *
* (lifted from the WWW, with modifications)
Is a problem without a solution, actually a problem?
An amoeba sidles into the bar.
Bartender says, “I'll trust you to pay the tab before you split.” *
* (lifted from the WWW, with modifications)
Is a problem without a solution, actually a problem?
Re: Got any good jokes?
The amoeba says, “Right. Like I haven’t heard that one before. Ever hear this one? Make me a vanilla shake, straight up.”
The barkeep says, “We are humble people. Shots and beer.”
Staring into the distance, the amoeba adds, “Actually, make me one with everything.”
The barkeep snorts a laugh and says, “That’s a good one. The dualist wants to be one with everything.”
For a moment the amoeba looks puzzled, then says, "What the hell are you talking about. I want everything, the works. Vanilla shake, whipped cream, and a cherry on top.”
The barkeep says, “We are humble people. Shots and beer.”
Staring into the distance, the amoeba adds, “Actually, make me one with everything.”
The barkeep snorts a laugh and says, “That’s a good one. The dualist wants to be one with everything.”
For a moment the amoeba looks puzzled, then says, "What the hell are you talking about. I want everything, the works. Vanilla shake, whipped cream, and a cherry on top.”
Re: Got any good jokes?
Ever since Chaney shot up the jukebox it had turned eccentric. Sometimes it played, sometimes it didn’t play, sometimes it played late, sometimes it played only what it wanted to play. This time it both ignored the barkeep’s selection, and it played late.
Meanwhile the cops had cuffed the bottle thrower to a pole while they downed their complimentary longnecks.
When Cherry walked in after getting the message on her cell she saw the blob at the bar and looked for a way out. She quickly sat down to strike up a conversation with the guy who was hugging the pole. She ignored the irritated hand signals from the barkeep telling her she had the wrong guy.
For the first time she takes a good look at the wrong guy.
When she is able to, she says, “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, you walk into mine.”
And right on cue, the jukebox wakes up and plays, As Time Goes By.
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blacksunny
- Posts: 1
- Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2018 3:49 pm
Re: Got any good jokes?
When Plato first met Socrates,
Plato: "Why don't you ever have a girlfriend?"
Socrates: "You ask too many questions."
Plato: "Why don't you ever have a girlfriend?"
Socrates: "You ask too many questions."
Re: Got any good jokes?
Plato filed a law suit. He claimed pain and suffering caused from suddenly being required to answer, instead of question.blacksunny wrote: ↑Wed Nov 14, 2018 3:51 pm When Plato first met Socrates,
Plato: "Why don't you ever have a girlfriend?"
Socrates: "You ask too many questions."
Plato said, “It’s just not fair. I wasn’t prepared for the responsibility of supplying the answers instead of the questions.”
And Socrates said, “Well, since I adapted the Brahmacharya of the rishis to the capacity of current, ancient Grecian times and gave the new mind your name, Plato, the we who replaced I has become one with the senate and all, save hemlock.”
Re: Got any good jokes?
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