Got any good jokes?

General chit-chat

Moderators: AMod, iMod

User avatar
attofishpi
Posts: 9956
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:10 am
Location: Orion Spur
Contact:

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by attofishpi »

Walker wrote: Thu Jun 02, 2022 9:20 am
vegetariantaxidermy wrote: Thu Jun 02, 2022 9:17 am The American religious nuts on here.
And the theme is ...

An Aww Shaddap !! moment.

:lol:
Dear Walker and your wack-job cohorts, please stop eating fried chicken and get some vegetables into your diet, your brain will appreciate it and eventually so might people from the sane side of the pond.
Walker
Posts: 14280
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2015 12:00 am

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by Walker »

attofishpi wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 8:07 am
Walker wrote: Thu Jun 02, 2022 9:20 am
vegetariantaxidermy wrote: Thu Jun 02, 2022 9:17 am The American religious nuts on here.
And the theme is ...

An Aww Shaddap !! moment.

:lol:
Dear Walker and your wack-job cohorts, please stop eating fried chicken and get some vegetables into your diet, your brain will appreciate it and eventually so might people from the sane side of the pond.
Once the theme is identified it's like something stuck to your shoe when you're walking. You can't lose it. It crunches every time you take a step because you're stepping on it. On the bright side, crunch beats squish when stepping.
User avatar
Sculptor
Posts: 8533
Joined: Wed Jun 26, 2019 11:32 pm

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by Sculptor »

attofishpi wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 8:03 am
Sculptor wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 12:52 am After my doctorate, I had a surprise medical operation that changed my educational plan to a study the relationship between correlation and causality...

In other words, I did

a post op, ad hoc, post hoc ergo propter hoc, post doc.
I know if I was both more intelligent and educated i'd find that hilarious!

A couple of weeks ago I was on another forum and someone accused me of dishing the ol', ad hominem out.(surprise surprise)

I replied: "How dare you accuse me of sex with a deceased homosexual."

He actually replied "Are you serious?"

I stated that I had not made any ad hominem remark and that he was a moron, just to complete the circle.
A little bit of Latin can be a dangerous thing.
Most people who use the phrase ad hominem are clueless about its meaning, thinking any insult is an ad hominem.
But the meaning is more subtle than that.
If a person who is not a doctor gives a person medical advice, another can claim that the advice is wrong because he is not a doctor. This is an attack "on the man" rather than on the argument (the advice given). Just because I am not a Geologist does not mean that my knowledge of rock types is wrong. etc..
Calling someone a turd is not an ad hominem but just an insult.

I can translate the joke if you want.

a post op, (after my operation)
ad hoc, (unplanned but necessary)
post hoc ergo propter hoc, (see below)
post doc (done after my thesis)

Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, is a species of fallacy which draw attention to the fact that if a thing happens before an effect you should not take it as a cause. And it is used to indicate someone who has taken correlation to mean causation.
User avatar
attofishpi
Posts: 9956
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:10 am
Location: Orion Spur
Contact:

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by attofishpi »

Sculptor wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 11:11 am
attofishpi wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 8:03 am
Sculptor wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 12:52 am After my doctorate, I had a surprise medical operation that changed my educational plan to a study the relationship between correlation and causality...

In other words, I did

a post op, ad hoc, post hoc ergo propter hoc, post doc.
I know if I was both more intelligent and educated i'd find that hilarious!

A couple of weeks ago I was on another forum and someone accused me of dishing the ol', ad hominem out.(surprise surprise)

I replied: "How dare you accuse me of sex with a deceased homosexual."

He actually replied "Are you serious?"

I stated that I had not made any ad hominem remark and that he was a moron, just to complete the circle.
A little bit of Latin can be a dangerous thing.
Most people who use the phrase ad hominem are clueless about its meaning, thinking any insult is an ad hominem.
But the meaning is more subtle than that.
If a person who is not a doctor gives a person medical advice, another can claim that the advice is wrong because he is not a doctor. This is an attack "on the man" rather than on the argument (the advice given). Just because I am not a Geologist does not mean that my knowledge of rock types is wrong. etc..
Calling someone a turd is not an ad hominem but just an insult.

I can translate the joke if you want.

a post op, (after my operation)
ad hoc, (unplanned but necessary)
post hoc ergo propter hoc, (see below)
post doc (done after my thesis)

Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, is a species of fallacy which draw attention to the fact that if a thing happens before an effect you should not take it as a cause. And it is used to indicate someone who has taken correlation to mean causation.
I think I've pretty much got the ad hominem sorted..to attack something other than the argument at hand - diversionary and as you point out, is not necessarily a personal insult.

Thanks for explaining the Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, that had me stumped. I tried a search on just propter and I think only in my dictionary! duh.

I think it was you that posted this one a long long time ago..

Did you know the people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do..

Problem is, it's such a good clean joke so suitable for kids, but unfortunatly these days they some don't have a clue about the flintstones. When I was visiting my Nan in 2018 I started telling her that one, I got to the point of saying Flintstones and she turned around at me frowning and snapping.."Well! Why do you think that is then?" ..she's bloody hilarious!! (and possibly slightly racist)
User avatar
Sculptor
Posts: 8533
Joined: Wed Jun 26, 2019 11:32 pm

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by Sculptor »

attofishpi wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 12:42 pm
Sculptor wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 11:11 am
attofishpi wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 8:03 am

I know if I was both more intelligent and educated i'd find that hilarious!

A couple of weeks ago I was on another forum and someone accused me of dishing the ol', ad hominem out.(surprise surprise)

I replied: "How dare you accuse me of sex with a deceased homosexual."

He actually replied "Are you serious?"

I stated that I had not made any ad hominem remark and that he was a moron, just to complete the circle.
A little bit of Latin can be a dangerous thing.
Most people who use the phrase ad hominem are clueless about its meaning, thinking any insult is an ad hominem.
But the meaning is more subtle than that.
If a person who is not a doctor gives a person medical advice, another can claim that the advice is wrong because he is not a doctor. This is an attack "on the man" rather than on the argument (the advice given). Just because I am not a Geologist does not mean that my knowledge of rock types is wrong. etc..
Calling someone a turd is not an ad hominem but just an insult.

I can translate the joke if you want.

a post op, (after my operation)
ad hoc, (unplanned but necessary)
post hoc ergo propter hoc, (see below)
post doc (done after my thesis)

Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, is a species of fallacy which draw attention to the fact that if a thing happens before an effect you should not take it as a cause. And it is used to indicate someone who has taken correlation to mean causation.
I think I've pretty much got the ad hominem sorted..to attack something other than the argument at hand - diversionary and as you point out, is not necessarily a personal insult.

Thanks for explaining the Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, that had me stumped. I tried a search on just propter and I think only in my dictionary! duh.

I think it was you that posted this one a long long time ago..

Did you know the people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do..
:lol: :lol:
I'm gonna use that!

Problem is, it's such a good clean joke so suitable for kids, but unfortunatly these days they some don't have a clue about the flintstones. When I was visiting my Nan in 2018 I started telling her that one, I got to the point of saying Flintstones and she turned around at me frowning and snapping.."Well! Why do you think that is then?" ..she's bloody hilarious!! (and possibly slightly racist)
:lol:
My grandmother "Nanna" was a very tolerant and loveable person, whilst married she even dated a "mixed race" from Jamaica to the horror of her husband.
But when my (American) Dad met her in 1957 he was horrified to hear her use the word "Darkies" for black people.
She meant nothing by it, it was just the everyday parlance of the English of that generation.
These days things have changed.
I am currently listening to a podcast of "The Lost World" of Arthur Conan Doyle. The narrator feels it necessary to warn listeners of certain common place racial words in the text. "Cross Breed", and Negro are used. The negro guide is described as "as large as a horse and about as intelligent", and his "race" has an instinctive hatred of cross breeds.

I do not see "cross breed" as much different to "mixed race", as for my money it is the very idea that people can be so easily divided into "races" that is at the heart of the problem; when it is perfectly obvious from the fact that so-called "races" can happily mix that denies the prejudice that comes with the idea of race in the first place.
User avatar
attofishpi
Posts: 9956
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:10 am
Location: Orion Spur
Contact:

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by attofishpi »

Sculptor wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 1:00 pm
attofishpi wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 12:42 pm
Sculptor wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 11:11 am

A little bit of Latin can be a dangerous thing.
Most people who use the phrase ad hominem are clueless about its meaning, thinking any insult is an ad hominem.
But the meaning is more subtle than that.
If a person who is not a doctor gives a person medical advice, another can claim that the advice is wrong because he is not a doctor. This is an attack "on the man" rather than on the argument (the advice given). Just because I am not a Geologist does not mean that my knowledge of rock types is wrong. etc..
Calling someone a turd is not an ad hominem but just an insult.

I can translate the joke if you want.

a post op, (after my operation)
ad hoc, (unplanned but necessary)
post hoc ergo propter hoc, (see below)
post doc (done after my thesis)

Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, is a species of fallacy which draw attention to the fact that if a thing happens before an effect you should not take it as a cause. And it is used to indicate someone who has taken correlation to mean causation.
I think I've pretty much got the ad hominem sorted..to attack something other than the argument at hand - diversionary and as you point out, is not necessarily a personal insult.

Thanks for explaining the Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, that had me stumped. I tried a search on just propter and I think only in my dictionary! duh.

I think it was you that posted this one a long long time ago..

Did you know the people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do..
:lol: :lol:
I'm gonna use that!

Problem is, it's such a good clean joke so suitable for kids, but unfortunatly these days they some don't have a clue about the flintstones. When I was visiting my Nan in 2018 I started telling her that one, I got to the point of saying Flintstones and she turned around at me frowning and snapping.."Well! Why do you think that is then?" ..she's bloody hilarious!! (and possibly slightly racist)
:lol:
My grandmother "Nanna" was a very tolerant and loveable person, whilst married she even dated a "mixed race" from Jamaica to the horror of her husband.
But when my (American) Dad met her in 1957 he was horrified to hear her use the word "Darkies" for black people.
She meant nothing by it, it was just the everyday parlance of the English of that generation.
These days things have changed.
I am currently listening to a podcast of "The Lost World" of Arthur Conan Doyle. The narrator feels it necessary to warn listeners of certain common place racial words in the text. "Cross Breed", and Negro are used. The negro guide is described as "as large as a horse and about as intelligent", and his "race" has an instinctive hatred of cross breeds.

I do not see "cross breed" as much different to "mixed race", as for my money it is the very idea that people can be so easily divided into "races" that is at the heart of the problem; when it is perfectly obvious from the fact that so-called "races" can happily mix that denies the prejudice that comes with the idea of race in the first place.
:D
Similarly, my grandmother "Nan" actually married (my biological grandfather) who is of a 'mixed race' being Indian and Portuguese mix, so yep could explain my love of curry and tall ships. They separated early on, I had no idea until I was about 17 that who I thought was my grandfather, someone I was very close to was not my actual grandfather. I only found out when I said to my Mum one day that I felt like travelling around India, and she said, "Why? To go visit your long lost relatives?" !! LMAO! I was rather stumped to say the least, even my older sister knew..I think they must have kept it quiet since I was so close to my Gramps. Well, one looks at oneself rather differently in the mirror from then on, glad I had no racism in me tho-could have been a problem lol.
On a different tack..my great grandmother (my Gramps' mother) used to live in Bignell Wood in the New Forest, previously was occupied by Arthur Conan Doyle. As a nipper I attended her 90th birthday party there, and my cousin and I got rather tiddly for the first time! My parents inherited an antique cabinet that came from there in fact. My father just a couple of years ago pulled out the drawer to show me the craftmanship of the dovetails and as a very skilled carpenter/joiner himself (he made a chest for Mum with 92 dovetails!) stated he was never as skilled so as to match that.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File ... 135772.jpg

Regarding the entire 'race' thing, it does piss me off that the wookies or the lefties appear to be attempting to wiping history, as if history can be cleaned up. As if, now if you make a film set in the south of US set in the 19C you can't depict black servants - I think I heard Gone with the Wind was cancelled ffs. Tearing down statues imo is wrong - accept history - change the plaque if necessary.

I made a 'joke' up:
Young Billy receives a phone call from the military:-
Military officer:- "Billy, your father has been sent to Baghdad for processing."
Billy:- "What!!!? Dad's dead!!?"
User avatar
Sculptor
Posts: 8533
Joined: Wed Jun 26, 2019 11:32 pm

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by Sculptor »

attofishpi wrote: Sun Jun 05, 2022 12:50 am
Sculptor wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 1:00 pm
attofishpi wrote: Sat Jun 04, 2022 12:42 pm

I think I've pretty much got the ad hominem sorted..to attack something other than the argument at hand - diversionary and as you point out, is not necessarily a personal insult.

Thanks for explaining the Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc, that had me stumped. I tried a search on just propter and I think only in my dictionary! duh.

I think it was you that posted this one a long long time ago..

Did you know the people in Dubai don't like The Flintstones, but the people in Abu Dhabi do..
:lol: :lol:
I'm gonna use that!

Problem is, it's such a good clean joke so suitable for kids, but unfortunatly these days they some don't have a clue about the flintstones. When I was visiting my Nan in 2018 I started telling her that one, I got to the point of saying Flintstones and she turned around at me frowning and snapping.."Well! Why do you think that is then?" ..she's bloody hilarious!! (and possibly slightly racist)
:lol:
My grandmother "Nanna" was a very tolerant and loveable person, whilst married she even dated a "mixed race" from Jamaica to the horror of her husband.
But when my (American) Dad met her in 1957 he was horrified to hear her use the word "Darkies" for black people.
She meant nothing by it, it was just the everyday parlance of the English of that generation.
These days things have changed.
I am currently listening to a podcast of "The Lost World" of Arthur Conan Doyle. The narrator feels it necessary to warn listeners of certain common place racial words in the text. "Cross Breed", and Negro are used. The negro guide is described as "as large as a horse and about as intelligent", and his "race" has an instinctive hatred of cross breeds.

I do not see "cross breed" as much different to "mixed race", as for my money it is the very idea that people can be so easily divided into "races" that is at the heart of the problem; when it is perfectly obvious from the fact that so-called "races" can happily mix that denies the prejudice that comes with the idea of race in the first place.
:D
Similarly, my grandmother "Nan" actually married (my biological grandfather) who is of a 'mixed race' being Indian and Portuguese mix, so yep could explain my love of curry and tall ships. They separated early on, I had no idea until I was about 17 that who I thought was my grandfather, someone I was very close to was not my actual grandfather. I only found out when I said to my Mum one day that I felt like travelling around India, and she said, "Why? To go visit your long lost relatives?" !! LMAO! I was rather stumped to say the least, even my older sister knew..I think they must have kept it quiet since I was so close to my Gramps. Well, one looks at oneself rather differently in the mirror from then on, glad I had no racism in me tho-could have been a problem lol.
On a different tack..my great grandmother (my Gramps' mother) used to live in Bignell Wood in the New Forest, previously was occupied by Arthur Conan Doyle. As a nipper I attended her 90th birthday party there, and my cousin and I got rather tiddly for the first time! My parents inherited an antique cabinet that came from there in fact. My father just a couple of years ago pulled out the drawer to show me the craftmanship of the dovetails and as a very skilled carpenter/joiner himself (he made a chest for Mum with 92 dovetails!) stated he was never as skilled so as to match that.

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File ... 135772.jpg

Regarding the entire 'race' thing, it does piss me off that the wookies or the lefties appear to be attempting to wiping history, as if history can be cleaned up. As if, now if you make a film set in the south of US set in the 19C you can't depict black servants - I think I heard Gone with the Wind was cancelled ffs. Tearing down statues imo is wrong - accept history - change the plaque if necessary.

I made a 'joke' up:
Young Billy receives a phone call from the military:-
Military officer:- "Billy, your father has been sent to Baghdad for processing."
Billy:- "What!!!? Dad's dead!!?"
I think it is a big mistake to cast black people in roles that would have been historically impossible, since this is a complete denial that racist existed. On the other hand I think it is a very good idea to cast black people into modern roles where you would not necessarily expect them because the world definitely is still racist, and it's a great idea for people to see people of all shapes sizes and colours doing all the roles of a modern world.
I watched Wheel of Time recently on AmazonPrime. They cast all the roles as racially/ethnically diverse as possible. Since the world is a fantasy world I can see why. But their culture is medieval, and the chance that they would have had a racially diverse culture was not especially credible; small scale societies would soon even out racial differences to find a new normal. Nonetheless I enjoyed the series even though I think fantasy has to have an internal logic.
And then we come across an isolated farm with a couple of white children that had black parents and the credibility was utterly broken. Annoying, as I felt they were trying to make yet another point about how trendy they are, and trying to TEACH their audience a lesson. Fuck that. They just looked absurd.
Watching drama entails a suspension of disbelief so that you can get absorbed into the story without the truth of the acting and setting being fake. Seeing something stupid like a Roman Centurion with a ROLEX jumps you out of the narrative, back to reality, screwing up your viewing.

As for tearing down statues I have no problem. But in ancient Rome when a memorialised person fell out of favour they would not completely remove the memorial, but they would invoke damnatio and the name on the monument would be scratched out leaving the list of accolades intact.
So in the short term the person would still be known from his deeds, but the fact that his name was removed would mean that he would be forgotten, but the memorial would continue as evidence of wrongdoing.
I do not think Bristol has room for an statues of slave owners and they remain a complete insult to people of all ethnicities that give a shit. Drag them off to a museum if anyone wants to take them. Maybe you could leave the plinth with the name scratched out and replace with a statue of a triumphant youth holding a hammer and chisel.

Not sure why anyone would want to remake Gone with the Wind the film is of its time, in glorious technicolor and shall remain a monument of cinema. The obsession with remakes such smacks of a complete lack of imagination and creativity.
How about doing a futuristic Gone with the Stars, where a black buy and a white woman fall in love on a war torn planet, the slaves could be robotic, or aliens.
User avatar
attofishpi
Posts: 9956
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:10 am
Location: Orion Spur
Contact:

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by attofishpi »

Sculptor wrote: Sun Jun 05, 2022 10:57 am Not sure why anyone would want to remake Gone with the Wind the film is of its time, in glorious technicolor and shall remain a monument of cinema. The obsession with remakes such smacks of a complete lack of imagination and creativity.
No, it wasn't a remake I was talking about - on the news it was reported that networks (streaming?) would no longer make it (the original) available, because of the portrayal of 'black' servants.

I'll have a look at wheels of time tho..
User avatar
Sculptor
Posts: 8533
Joined: Wed Jun 26, 2019 11:32 pm

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by Sculptor »

I had a look at it.
I have to say it is pretty fucking caricatured.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZ7r2OVu1ss

"Y'um maaaam, dis wot do docta odad missy."

I'd not remembered how shitty it was. You have to ask is the portrayal of black slaves accurate or in any way sympathetic?

There are some things that will have to remain historical relics, like Leni Riefenstahl's Triumph of the WIll, or Ayn Rand's films that have limited commercial value, and are not worth the hassel.

But I have to add that in my experience these stories are usually just bullshit spin churned out by the right wing press to denigrate BLM and CRT, or "wokism" or "leftism", and when you look into it the reasons for not taking it up are not what the rightards would like you to think.
Much of the media hate-mill is engineered to divert attention to the failings of the government and to get ordinary people to attack someone else, like minorities or the poor.
When you are moaning about the lack of "Gone with the Wind", no one is talking about Food Banks.

The other thing to note is that as well as the slavery thing, the film has a positive attitude to marital rape.
In the fake furore of the film not being streamed, Amazon managed to sell massive amounts of the film. SO one has to wonder if the whole exercise was a publicity stunt.
Flannel Jesus
Posts: 2575
Joined: Mon Mar 28, 2022 7:09 pm

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by Flannel Jesus »

In light of the never ending debate on the other philosophy forum I'm on:

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 0.9999...
User avatar
attofishpi
Posts: 9956
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:10 am
Location: Orion Spur
Contact:

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by attofishpi »

Flannel Jesus wrote: Tue Jun 07, 2022 1:47 pm In light of the never ending debate on the other philosophy forum I'm on:

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 0.9999...
How many mathematicians does it take to get one lucky mathematician a screw?

About twenty, cos they earn shit money and they all want to see the birthday geek screw a hooker. :mrgreen:
Walker
Posts: 14280
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2015 12:00 am

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by Walker »

Do you want something to read?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBBQdFSvvTE
User avatar
attofishpi
Posts: 9956
Joined: Tue Aug 16, 2011 8:10 am
Location: Orion Spur
Contact:

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by attofishpi »

A small man gets thrown into a jail cell for the first time in his life, and is rather scared.
A BIG man climbs off of the bunk and says, "Do you want to be Mummy or Daddy?"
The petrified man considers to himself the safest option and replies, "I'll be Daddy."
The BIG man says, "Ok then, get on your knees and suck Mummy's cock."
Phil8659
Posts: 396
Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2022 11:50 am
Contact:

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by Phil8659 »

All of the best jokes are called Governments, Educational Systems, etc. every other joke is far inferior to these.
Walker
Posts: 14280
Joined: Thu Nov 05, 2015 12:00 am

Re: Got any good jokes?

Post by Walker »

Post Reply