Got any good jokes?

[alicensophia]

Hello,
I'm working on a book called Genius Jokes that collects jokes about philosophy, history, science, etc. I'm wondering if anyone has some good philosophy jokes they'd like to share. I'm happy to credit you!
Many thanks!

[Impenitent]

this ones been around a while:

Descartes walks into a bar (yeah he should've ducked) and looks around for a few minutes.
The bartender asks "Well, are you going to order or not?"
Descartes said "I think not" and promptly vanished

-Imp

[Walker]

Here’s an original, just now.
Is it funny?

*

A Sage opened a hotdog cart in the big city, but soon went belly up.

When asked why, he said:

- Too expensive.
- I can only make one with everything.

*

Better joke, or equally worse,
if it was Literalist selling the frankfurters?

*

(If chosen for the anthology, I would like to donate the credit)

[Walker]

Man walks into a bar. He sees a woman he knows sitting at a table. She is alone, silent, motionless, awake. She has no food or drink. She is staring straight ahead and neither reading, nor writing.

He walks over to her table and asks, what are you doing?

She says, “Choosing. Can’t you tell?”

And he says, “Oh. It looks like you’re just waiting.”

[RickLewis]

Here's a whole page of philosophy lightbulb jokes we published in Philosophy Now about 17 years ago. I think we originally got most of them off the internet, though....

https://philosophynow.org/issues/25/The ... bulb_Jokes

My personal favourite:

Q. How many analytic philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. None – its a pseudo-problem…light bulbs give off light (hence the name). If the bulb was broken and wasn’t giving off light, it wouldn’t be a ‘light bulb’ now would it? (oh, where has rigour gone?!)

[FlashDangerpants]

Two behaviourists lying in bed; one turns to the other and says:
"That was good for you , how was it for me?"

I heard that joke 20 years ago, and it was already old.

[Ansiktsburk]

Two behaviourists lying in bed; one turns to the other and says:
"That was good for you , how was it for me?"

I heard that joke 20 years ago, and it was already old.

So age has not weared it out, stands the test of time, should be a quality stamp. An me, not having read it before chuckled for at least 15 seconds. Works.

[Walker]

Here’s an original play on words that may cause slaps on knees.

Simply because no change indicates the most stable state, does not imply that all states leading to entropy proceed in a uniformly timely sequence of stability. In fact, the change from unstable to stable is often sudden and energetic … like when the horse leaves the stable because the lad didn’t latch the gate.

The jokes of philosophy, like philosophy, must be explained.

What stabilizes is the closed stable minus the horse, because the energetic horse dissipates into the open universe outside the barn door.

Ain’t that a kicker?



It's better if you imagine it with this voice.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xRxqY4wuTHw

[alicensophia]

I love these! Thank you, all, so much for your knee-slappers and head-scratchers! I'll let you know which ones make it to the final manuscript so I can credit you properly. (It's credit in the sense of I give you the credit for the joke, unfortunately it's not a monetary credit--if that changes your will to submit, let me know! )

[thedoc]

Redneck traffic laws,
At a 4-way stop, the big ugly truck always has the right-of-way.

[Arising_uk]

You guys not heard of traffic lights or roundabouts?

[thedoc]

You guys not heard of traffic lights or roundabouts?

That is a really stupid comment, roundabouts take up a lot of acreage that is already in use, and stop lights cost more money to install and maintain, especially if they are unnecessary. FYI we do have roundabouts and stoplights where needed, or where they could be installed before the land was built up, there is some respect for private property ownership. The Gov. can't just come in and take whatever it wants, there is due process or have you given that up as well.

[Arising_uk]

That is a really stupid comment, roundabouts take up a lot of acreage that is already in use, and stop lights cost more money to install and maintain, especially if they are unnecessary. ...

And yet your joke hints that there is no clear guidance in crossing use, what is the rule? We'd have something like those coming from the right junction have right of way(since we drive on the left).

FYI we do have roundabouts and stoplights where needed, or where they could be installed before the land was built up, there is some respect for private property ownership. The Gov. can't just come in and take whatever it wants, there is due process or have you given that up as well.

Ah! The thing is you are pretty much the only country in the western world where you actually own the land as you gave no due process to those you took it from. Here, at bottom, the Govt through the Crown own it all. Although they still have to go through the law to get it they can compulsory purchase.

[Walker]

A government official says, “Shut up, or else.”

And the citizen replies, “I’ll feel safer with, or else.”

"Or else," turns out to be a somewhat disturbing song and dance on a street corner.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YkfU1JqmkHM



I think all winning entries should be credited to the forum.
After all, it owns the content.

[Walker]

Ah! The thing is you are pretty much the only country in the western world where you actually own the land as you gave no due process to those you took it from. Here, at bottom, the Govt through the Crown own it all. Although they still have to go through the law to get it they can compulsory purchase.

Don't pay your taxes and you'll see just how much you own.

Then the joke's on you.