My novel:- Alpha Two

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attofishpi
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My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by attofishpi » Wed May 29, 2019 5:44 am

Hi philosofers

My novel Alpha Two is FREE this weekend Sat 1st June to Sun 2nd June (Pacific Date Time)

The first five chapters are available here:- http://www.androcies.com/alphatwo.html

It's Cyberpunk (-sub genre of Sci-Fi) - near future - hacking - virtual reality - dystopia - artificial intelligence etc..

Please do download a copy - the Amazon kindle app is free on all devices. I would love to get some feedback, please if you do read it, do a review for me.

Thanks
atto.

I Like Sushu
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by I Like Sushu » Sun Jun 30, 2019 8:26 am

You should start by addressing the use of tense. There are plenty of writing forums where you can get good feedback - this needs to be workshopped quite heavily (note: I only read the first couple of paragraphs).

GL enjoy the process and you’re sure to improve.

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attofishpi
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by attofishpi » Sun Jun 30, 2019 12:24 pm

I Like Sushu wrote:
Sun Jun 30, 2019 8:26 am
You should start by addressing the use of tense. There are plenty of writing forums where you can get good feedback - this needs to be workshopped quite heavily (note: I only read the first couple of paragraphs).

GL enjoy the process and you’re sure to improve.
The first chapter was written in 'present' tense to capture the intensity that the protagonist must face whilst walking the formidable Zone streets. The rest of the book is past tense.
It was professionally edited and also a journalist friend of mine went over it thoroughly.

To be honest its been a thing that's irked me for some time regarding the first chapter, I think I probably should change it to past tense like the rest of the book, thanks for the feedback.

I Like Sushu
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by I Like Sushu » Sun Jun 30, 2019 2:10 pm

At least switch to first person present. If you want to stick with the tense and perspective you’ll have to lengthen the piece and work much harder at it - it can be done, but it takes expertise.

I enjoy playing with tense in this way so I fully appreciate that you’ve done this for effect - it doesn’t work at all with what you’ve got at the moment.

You could perhaps start with first person perspective and then slip into omniscient perspective here and there to create an unearthly presence? Often I’ve found it best to cut the first few pages away completely and rewrite after ... this way you don’t distract the flow of writing by fretting over the opening.

I guess you’re a member of some writing forums? If not check them out.

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attofishpi
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by attofishpi » Sun Feb 16, 2020 3:03 pm

I Like Sushu wrote:
Sun Jun 30, 2019 8:26 am
You should start by addressing the use of tense. There are plenty of writing forums where you can get good feedback - this needs to be workshopped quite heavily (note: I only read the first couple of paragraphs).
1st chapter is in present tense - ..the rest of the book is standard past tense.

Still not sure how from the first two paragraphs sushu can consider that this needs to be 'heavily workshopped', as I said it has been professionally vetted, and politeness now aside - you are rendering yourself a bit of a twat here.

First 5 chapters:- www.androcies.com/alphatwo.html

Anyone interested, my novel ultimately fathoms the depths of what the difference is between cold logic of a machine and that of being actually conscious.

You're welcome.

surreptitious57
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by surreptitious57 » Mon Feb 17, 2020 10:12 am

I have read novels where there were different perspectives and it did not have a negative impact at all
A good plot and characters that are realistic but not predictable are to me far more important features

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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by vegetariantaxidermy » Mon Feb 17, 2020 12:18 pm

Please put an 's' on 'towards'. It drives me nuts in just about every book I read. And that bloody word seems to pop up at least twice on every page of fantasy novels.

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attofishpi
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by attofishpi » Mon Feb 17, 2020 1:28 pm

vegetariantaxidermy wrote:
Mon Feb 17, 2020 12:18 pm
Please put an 's' on 'towards'. It drives me nuts in just about every book I read. And that bloody word seems to pop up at least twice on every page of fantasy novels.
Now this is interesting. I just did a search of my 5 chapters online - and there are 16 matches with or without 's' on the end. I counted about 4 without.

What is the logical rule if any that one must state 'towards' rather than 'toward' - in each instance that I read where I wrote 'toward' - it seemed more fitting than 'towards'...?

surreptitious57
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by surreptitious57 » Mon Feb 17, 2020 6:45 pm

For me the only logical rule should be that you must be consistent otherwise it could look arbitrary and sloppy
So choose which ever one you prefer then stick to it religiously and a good proof reader should spot any errors

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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by vegetariantaxidermy » Mon Feb 17, 2020 7:27 pm

attofishpi wrote:
Mon Feb 17, 2020 1:28 pm
vegetariantaxidermy wrote:
Mon Feb 17, 2020 12:18 pm
Please put an 's' on 'towards'. It drives me nuts in just about every book I read. And that bloody word seems to pop up at least twice on every page of fantasy novels.
Now this is interesting. I just did a search of my 5 chapters online - and there are 16 matches with or without 's' on the end. I counted about 4 without.

What is the logical rule if any that one must state 'towards' rather than 'toward' - in each instance that I read where I wrote 'toward' - it seemed more fitting than 'towards'...?
I just can't stand seeing or hearing that word without an 's'. And as most so-called proofreaders these days are American it has spoilt many a book for me. It's like their 'math', but fortunately that rarely shows an appearance.

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henry quirk
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toward vs towards

Post by henry quirk » Mon Feb 17, 2020 11:33 pm

https://www.grammarly.com/blog/toward-towards/

https://www.dictionary.com/e/word-fact- ... s-towards/

https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-a ... ards-usage

the gist: both are correct

suggestion: in dialog, don't worry about consistency cuz speech is informal; in everything else, pick one form and stick with it throughout

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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by vegetariantaxidermy » Tue Feb 18, 2020 12:31 am

Speech and spelling are two different things.
And I knew someone would dig up 'Merriam Webster' and other American sites :roll:

I've noticed that educated Americans tend to put 's' on the end.
Last edited by vegetariantaxidermy on Tue Feb 18, 2020 8:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

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henry quirk
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by henry quirk » Tue Feb 18, 2020 1:07 am

vegetariantaxidermy wrote:
Tue Feb 18, 2020 12:31 am
Speech and spelling are two different things.
And I knew someon would dig up 'Merriam Webster' and other American sites :roll:

I've noticed that educated Americans tend to put 's' on the end.
I didn't dig up anything. I googled toward vs toward and took the first three links, read 'em, found they agreed, then posted 'em in-thread.

If you care to, you can search as well and find sites that support your prejudice/preference.

-----

atto, in dialog, the choice of toward or towards ought to be dictated by the character (background); in your narrative bits, pick one or the other and stick with it throughout.

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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by vegetariantaxidermy » Tue Feb 18, 2020 5:45 am

'Dialogue'. 'Dialog' looks ridiculous.

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henry quirk
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Re: My novel:- Alpha Two

Post by henry quirk » Tue Feb 18, 2020 3:46 pm

vegetariantaxidermy wrote:
Tue Feb 18, 2020 5:45 am
'Dialogue'. 'Dialog' looks ridiculous.
To you.

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