(here's the original piece, the printed copy of which I lost):Dubious wrote: ↑Fri Jul 13, 2018 9:51 pm Write another poem if you think that's going to turn her on. Make sure it's not just another piece of sentimental slop coming out of a greasy soup kitchen. Ninety nine percent of love poems are like that overdosed with saccharine and cholesterol inside a limited vocabulary.
Are you Creation on the painting on the Sistine Chapel?
Are you the breath that gave soul and life to Adam?
Are you the breadth of the ocean, its scent and its sense
As you mark down the miles of life?
---------"A ring of men around you, who clamor your goddessness
---------A veritable army of followers, each with the dignified aim to own you
---------Never notices how you can't be kept
---------And how their efforts are vanity driven by blind desire."
Have you the eye that loves eternity
And loves for love's sake, for love is the goal;
Does your love drive your life force
And makes conquests, at no else's loss?
---------"Your bright colours of kindness are what attract all
---------And you give, give, give, and give some more joy
---------And the more you give, the easier giving becomes you."
You notice the nuances, you go with the flow
Your power is yielding, your force is to know.
You capture imagination, and cascade the colours
You sparkle rainbows, and take off and float.
---------"You make me feel free, with desire, with allure;
---------You make me want you, you sweetness, so pure."
I stopped making sense; it is to no avail; to capture your essence
is an effort to fail; too complex, too simple, a living mirage,
a campfire in the darkness, a song, a smile, a sigh.
You were right, Dubious. It's sappy as all-git-out. But I don't know if a woman reads this and she knows it's directed at her, whether she'd think it's sappy... or whether her healthy common sense of literary criticism could take the better of her vanity and egoism.
I ask the women in the audience to please close their eyes, read the poem, and imagine this piece of crap was written to them and then tell us what they think. I am really curious if this sort of effort is of any real, marked effectiveness.