Walker wrote:I’m pretty sure I know how you feel, but you have the advantage of being a good person.
Just imagine the spiritual depth of challenge to balance, for one who has a different self-realization.
Placement of attention is the key element, and habit determines where attention is placed. Most recoveries simply require adherence to form. To routine, structure, and habit. Attention placed on form rather than meaning allows time to naturally heal the routine of habit, with a new habit.
Habit is a process: Cue, routine, reward. Cues can remain the same but when routines are disrupted by circumstances beyond control, the rewards are gone. The routine will be repaired in time even when there is no initiative to do so. Consciousness of the habit process as it unfolds allows for patience.
Time does a wonderful job of ironing out the details of how this naturally happens.
The tragedy is often to not give time its due.
The only action required in the psychic trauma of bereavement is to maintain daily form until time creates the natural urge to make someone happy. When this happens, this is the uncalculated, natural, biological, and non-intellectual realization from which philosophical principles are formed.
OK, I've read this through a few times, and here are some thoughts.
I am not sure that there is an advantage or disadvantage in being either a 'good', 'bad or 'indifferent' person when it comes to dealing with loss, in any of its forms or force. An individual is neither all good, or bad - and can have different self-realizations at any particular time. Some of those might be accurate and correspond to reality, other times not so much. Balance of life and emotions in complex situations is challenging no matter any degree of 'spiritual depth', whatever that is.
I agree about the importance of time in any healing process; but disagree that it is sufficient or that the only action is to 'maintain daily form or routine'.
Indeed, I am not sure that it is disruption in the routine of habit that is the problem.
Mostly, life goes on. And when bereaved people are asked how they are, often the reply is 'I'm getting there...'
and that is enough for superficial social interaction, even if there is more going on, and people know it.
The different ways of returning to some sense of balance are as different as personal circumstance and context.
Some might stick to daily routine, as necessary, to deal with others' needs as well as their own.
Some might have other bereavements heaped on top of one another - no time to recover.
Some look to others for help and support; and this can be a calculated realisation - therefore not 'uncalculated' or 'non-intellectual'.
Others just might have endured a lengthy period of caring - and head for the hills, or a cruise, or other kinds of escapism.
I would say that there is no single answer but we have more knowledge, experience and support systems from which to choose any way forward.
Anyway, I am no expert in this field...simply sharing some ideas.
Thanks for yours.
Yay, strike up the pipes...or pipers even !
