Somehow he slipped out of his room and messed up my own timespace with an almost perfect chaos.
ME (with quite some fear-based anger):
Now what the DAMN happened here...?!?
ROGER (smiling innocently):
Oh, well, you obviously forgot your promise to give me
some stereo cables to chew on. So i decided to look for them
on my own. And guess what: i found them behind your ex-tapestry.
Neat hideaway, of course!
ME (picking some sharp glass shards from the rug):
But ... OUCH! ...why the heck did you fuck up my whole room then?
ROGER:
Well, you didn´t tell me where to look. And since i had so much time
to hang around, i decided to do you a favour and redecorated your
boring place into something more ... appropriate. Nice, eh?
ME (putting a fistful of fingers into the apple-big tapestry holes):
Ahm ... kind of. Looks a bit ... uhm ... fractalized now, doesn´t it?
ROGER:
What did you expect? It was oh-so cold-neat in here i felt like locked
in a museum or church or something. (nodding to the left where all
my mixed-up chessboard figures seemed to perform a passive-aggressive
freefield attack against my nerve costume:) What are those exactly?
ME (cleaning up a bit of absent minded:)
Uh ... what? Oh - that belongs to my chessboard. It´s a kind of
logic game. Did you see the checkered crate that belongs to them?
ROGER:
What - that´s a GAME? To me it appeared like some old-fashioned catbox.
Sorry about the urine stains. How does it work?
ME: (sigh):
I told you it´s a logic game. Nothing a cat would prefer, i assume.
You´ll have to make one reasonable step after another.
In the end the winner will be the one who was better in avoiding
any emotional headoverheels-attacks.
ROGER (bursts out laughing):
PFFFT ...! You clever humans again. To cats playing is about learning
to trust ones own instinct for survival. What could one learn by such
an unrealistic thingy?
ME:
Well, you learn to focus to the actual situation which most of the time
is NOT about survival. Because there are two players with totally different
approaches you´ll have to watch carefully what the other one does and
react flexible to any strategy he comes up with.
ROGER:
BOOOring!!! Cats are perfectly flexible by nature. Try to throw me out
a window - i´ll always land on my feet again. Well, a BIT more sore
than before, of course (*twinkle*).
(smoothly switching the subject):
Now about that stereo cables: They didn´t taste quite mice.
They didn´t squeak properly. AND they did some terribly ouchy stuff
to me when i bit them.
ME (exchanging the old cables for some new ones):
I never told you they wouldn´t. You asked for them by yourself, remember...?
ROGER (slightly embarrassed):
So why are you making such a fuss about it? What are those good for anyway?
ME:
Well, it´s for enjoyment and to relax after some hard times.
You can listen to music with it.
ROGER:
What´s that "muzak" stuff you´re talking about? Edible or what?
ME (crawling him):
No, that´s more the thing we humans do by lacking such a
nice purr that you got.
ROGER (smiling snobby):
Ah, just another deficit compensation of your kind.
Should have known before.
ME (finishing fixing the cables):
I bet you did. Wanna give it a try? I got some nice CDs we
might share later on. (grabbing into my sidepocket and revealing
a little white rubber mouse to him).But first here i got something else for you!
ROGER (happy as hell):
MOAOW! A MOUSE! Great stuff! Never had one of those before.
Is it a real one...?
ME:
It´s even better. Because it never dies at all and you might play
with it for a very very long time.
ROGER:
Uh, THAT´s nice. A perfect toy! Thanx! You know, i never saw
a mouse that slow.(sniffing at it)
And it does not have that terrible mouse stink either. Beautiful!
It´s got a name or what?
ME:
It´s YOUR toy, not mine. Humans don´t play with rubber mice
very often. Anything in mind ...?
ROGER (thinking):
Looks a bit female to me, though. (bites it a bit).
Oh, it makes some noise! GOT to be female then. Neat!
I guess i´ll call it HOPE. Whaddaya think?
ME:
Sounds perfect. Now try to finish it off.
ROGER (flashing his eyes):
Righto! Watch this ... (luring, then jumping): (*SQUEAK*) Got it!
(*SQUEAK*) Again!!! (*SQUEAKSQUEAKSQUEAK*) ...harr, harr,
i just LOVE it!
ME:
Don´t try too hard. It was the last one in shop.
Next one would be alive then.
ROGER:
Don´t you DARE bring a real mouse in here, bugger!
They use to scurry around so much, building a nest in
every single corner and, of course, grow in number so rapidly!
That makes me kinda nervous. I personally like this
indestructible singularity type more.
ME (smiling ironically):
I bet you do. You seem to be as lazy as i am.
ROGER (smiling back):
YOU are the lazy human in here, Tom. I´m just SMART.
Energy saving means everything for a perfect hunter.
ME(surprised):
Wow!!! Got to write that one to my bathroom mirror.
ROGER:
Save your time. I already scratched it in when you
were out.(*SQUEAK*) Harr, harr ...! Now enough of that
(leaves the mouse at last).What about this muzak thingy again?
ME:
Shall i explain it to you or what?
ROGER (snobbish):
Cats don´t fiddle with theory. Gimme a practical shot. if i like it,
i still might ask you about it later on.
ME (sitting on my couch and searching for some catty CDs):
All right, come over here and we´ll find out if there´s some "muzak" you like.
ROGER (jumping on my lap and purring while skipping through the racks):
What about that one ...?
So we sat together that weekend and Roger did a really nice DJ job.
Here´s his very first Top 10 playlist and i have to admit, it made me cry a bit:
01. Atomic Kitten: Whole Again
02. Stefanie Heinzmann: The Unforgiven
03. Walk Off The Earth: Somebody That I Used To Know
04. Christy Moore: Ride On
05. Luka Bloom: Black Is The Colour
06. Bjork: Hidden Place
07. David Gray: A Century Ends
08. Barry McGuire: Eve Of Destruction
09. Marillion: Heart Of Lothian
10. Joe Satriani: Always With Me, Always With You
Dear entity, i don't know if this can be of any help to your own troubles
but i surely hope that your personal cat, whatever its name is,
gets the message.
