Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

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MozartLink
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Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by MozartLink »

I have to admit, the grand meaninglessness of this life in which this universe is all a result of random processes does give meaning to many people's lives to a degree. They are free to live however they want and there is no deity to dictate any grand meaning in their lives. But for me and many others, this just doesn't work out for us and I am going to explain why.

I am a composer and I have a composing dream to live for. But the only reason why I was able to live for it, pursue it, and find meaning in it and other things in my life is only because I was lucky enough to stay alive since no fatal illness has come into my life and killed me off yet and no other such fatal event has happened to me yet.

I find this to make life meaningless. The fact that I wasn't chosen to live and that I am only alive here today because of sheer luck in a life that consists of much illnesses and suffering that kills off so many people, it is like I am nothing more than some meaningless cell or bacteria that just lives, thrives, survives, and fades away.

But in a way, that is what we as human beings really are though and that just makes life and my goals/dreams empty and meaningless to me. I have created, what I believe to be, are epic masterpieces in my mind and I have yet to fully learn music theory in order to share them to the world.

That is my goal and dream to share them. But the fact that things are looking a bit grim for me right now since a potential fatality is likely to happen in my life due to my body and immune system not being in perfect shape due to my flawed genetics and whatnot, I worry that I will never get that chance to share my compositions and that I will soon die before then.

So you can see here why I find life to be plain meaningless here. Why I find it empty and basically not worth living at all. We are all nothing more than like a bunch of cells or bacteria struggling to survive. It doesn't matter how great of a goal or pursuit you have in your life to live for. As long as you are not in healthy shape for survival, you will die off and you will remain dead just like a fading cell or bacteria.

No afterlife to make up for this life and that's it. If you are just plain unlucky in which you are born with an unhealthy body and immune system, then you are just plain unlucky and it's just too bad that you have to die before you get the chance to inspire others and do something great with your life. Your goals/dreams that you found profound meaning in can no longer be pursued any longer as such with the example of a famous and inspired singer who has permanently lost his/her singing voice due to some fatal accident in his/her life.

And all because of our flawed biology that is prone to so much suffering, disease, illness, and death. We need lives and bodies that reflect the greatness of us and our goals/dreams. We need immortal bodies and to live lives of no more suffering and illness. We need to find a way to resurrect decayed corpses back to life since so many people have missed out on life and never got the chance to pursue their great and genius talents.

One last thing here. I even find the concept of dying and forever remaining dead to make us and our lives lesser. I don't find it heroic or meaningful at all for a person to forever die for someone else, anything else, and in leaving a legacy behind for others. The only thing that truly makes you awesome, heroic, great, and living a meaningful life is living on forever, having no suffering in your life, and living in eternal bliss.

Many people would say that one who dies and leaves a legacy behind for others is someone truly great. But I find this very statement nonsensical because once you are dead, you can be nothing great anymore. You are completely wiped out of existence. So how is someone who dies forever great?

Sure, you can acknowledge that they were a great person in the past when they were alive. But that was all in the past. The past is nothing more than just a memory. We are talking about the here and now. In the here and now, this person is gone and nothing is left of him/her.

He/she cannot live on in any other way because this is physically impossible. The only thing that is "living on" here would be the things that are leftover from his/her existential life. Those things being his/her works of art, etc. So it is his/her works of art that are now great. But as for the artist, he/she is no longer anyone great anymore since he/she is now dead.

Therefore, sacrificing yourself to leave a legacy behind and to die for any other given reason should be avoided at all costs since it makes you nothing as an individual. You should instead live all for yourself, your own personal pleasure and enjoyoment, and not bother doing such things that others tell you to do. You are better off living for yourself for all eternity in eternal bliss with no suffering in your life. That is the only life you have to live to give you love, joy, happiness, and meaning. Not this life of suffering, illness, disease, and death.
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HexHammer
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by HexHammer »

Maybe you should go to some psychology forum and get excessive attention there, that you crave so much?
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A_Seagull
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by A_Seagull »

You are a composer of music? I find it hard to comprehend how a composer of music can have such a nihilistic outlook.

I suggest that you get out more and "smell the roses".

Or heed the words of the sage who looked out over the great plains and observed: "Life is like the breath of a buffalo on a frosty morning".
The Inglorious One
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by The Inglorious One »

Oh, boo-hoo. Having had experience with deep depression and two bouts with cancer, you complaints sound petty. Life wondrous--and death is a part of that.
MozartLink
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by MozartLink »

Both me and my mom agree on a certain way of life. She also thinks that there is nothing good about suffering, depression, and forever remaining dead with no afterlife. She too would avoid it at all costs. She too thinks there is nothing good at all about the "suffering artist" concept of life in which an artist suffers from depression and whatnot and that this depression and suffering is supposed to somehow give meaning to his/her life and to his/her works of art for him/her.

So me and my mom both have a profound bond because we both agree that living in eternal bliss is the only greatest life there is. It is like a profound family moment for me and my mother. Because of that, I expect for me and my mother to live such a life. It is only expected that her outlook on life that I am so bonded to should create some sort of deflective shield around me that deflects all suffering, pain, misery, absence of pleasure, and death out of my life.

In other words, since we are all bonding family, then it is only expected that we are like bonding heroes more powerful than the suffering and death in this life in which no suffering or death can ever come to us. Our pureness and oneness as a family will dispel it out of our lives for good and we can all live in eternal bliss. Or, at least, that is how it should be. But it's not. And now I find myself enraged and frustrated due to the fact that no such thing can happen and that I am all alone to fend for myself in a world of suffering/depression that I hate so much.

I wish I was never prone to such a life of misery, suffering, and death. I wish I was an exception in this life who does not have to suffer, die, or live by the morals of others who want suffering and death in their lives and find meaning in it unlike me. My attitude is this. Those who find good meaning in their suffering death, then they can have it. Let them be in pain, misery, and death then. I could care less about these types of people. But as for me, keep it the hell away from me. I wish to be no part of that life. If I have to inevitably become a part of that life, then I will not put up with that. I will end that life.

I see this life as being all to myself to live however I want to. I see life as my own personal kingdom for my own personal enjoyment (pleasure) in which I can choose to live on in eternal bliss with no suffering in my life. I wish to be a composer who lives to be awesome, transcended, great, and to have no suffering, death, or illness bring my life and my good moods down. Since I have finally moved on from playing videogames to a greater pursuit which is composing, then I also expect my life to be greater as well. A greater goal/pursuit with a lesser life of much pain and misery is completely contradictory to me. I absolutely expect to live an eternal blissful life when pursuing a truly great goal/dream and talent which would be my composing.

I am a composing artist and I can shape my own world of composing how I want and to create any composition I want. Therefore, I also expect the same from this life itself. In other words, I expect to shape this physical reality however I want it to be in order to be compatible with my composing dream. This life of depression, suffering, death, and illness is completely incompatible with me and my composing. As things are looking now, I could die any day since I have chronic inflammation that is causing me upper intestinal bleeding and I just might die before I get the chance to do something truly great with my life.

So you can see here why me living a life of eternal bliss and no suffering is absolutely necessary for me and why it is the only profound meaningful life for me. So if I ever die, then please share this message to scientists around the world and have them revive me since I do not believe in the afterlife and think that science is the only way to make up for this life of suffering, illness, and death. If I ever become revived to live a life free of death and suffering, then I could then make up for that lost life in which I never got the chance to pursue my composing and share my compositions to the world.

In a way, I personally view the suffering, illness, and death of this life as a curse brought unto me in order to prevent me from pursuing my dreams and also from living the life I find meaningful. It's as though it is there mocking me. First, I finally got the chance here to pursue a truly great dream and talent. Then I develop depression, anhedonia, and this intestinal bleeding which all says to me that everything is trying to stop me and bring me down. But little does this curse know that I have complete power over it. If it doesn't listen to me, then I will take myself down with it. I don't believe in curses. So this is just a metaphor for what this life is to me.

I only came here to live a life of pure eternal bliss and no suffering even though such a life is impossible and a fantasy. To me, it is a fantasy for people to still find meaning and live on with lives of much suffering and depression. When I look at anime or videogames in which there are heroes who still struggle on in life and find meaning in such a struggle, this to me is just a child's fantasy of life. Let's get real here. Many people are suicidal and many people find no meaning in their lives like me when they struggle with depression. Those who do find meaning are delusional. It is no different than how religious people still think there is a God even despite all the suffering in this life. This also applies to depressed and suffering people. They think that there is still meaning and joy in life despite depression, suffering, and not having your good moods. That to me is just nonsense.

But the thing is, I wish I lived a blissful fantasy life in order to escape from the suffering, death, and this sense of realism in my life because me having those things only brings my life nothing but misery and no meaning at all. When I watch an anime or videogame, all the suffering being presented in that world has a completely different context. It is all in the context of an amazing, joyful, beautiful, and awesome world of fictional environments and characters. Therefore, in a way, all the suffering in that world is actually not suffering at all to me. It is just all some child's fantasy of growing as an individual and finding more meaning in your life.

But all the suffering and death in this life has a completely different context. It is all in the context of a completely hopeless and unfortunate universe in which so many people are suicidal and find no more meaning in their lives. Now many artists are inspired by suffering and can relate to and are inspired by the suffering being presented in anime/videogames. But this is not me. I cannot relate at all and nor am I inspired by suffering, death, and depression. Like I said before, that child fantasy does not exist here in this world and there is no way I can even begin to relate my world of suffering, death, and depression to this child fantasy that is presented in art, anime, and videogames.

I only find myself having a connection, relationship, bond, profoundness, meaning, and inspiration to the world of anime/videogames through my good moods alone. When I compare the immense suffering of my life of depression to the world of anime/videogames, it is like they are two drastically different universes. I cannot even begin to be inspired or relate. When I struggle with depression, then it is like I am completely cast out of the meaning here in this life as well as that being presented in anime/videogames I love so much.
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Bill Wiltrack
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by Bill Wiltrack »

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Again, your style and the substance of your writing is compelling to me.


Don't worry about death. We are like zombies or vampires. We never experience death.


Had a deep understanding through following the discipline that Ouspensky articulated. The only thing I am certain of in this uncertain world is that we never experience death.




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MozartLink
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by MozartLink »

Bill Wiltrack wrote:.



Again, your style and the substance of your writing is compelling to me.


Don't worry about death. We are like zombies or vampires. We never experience death.


Had a deep understanding through following the discipline that Ouspensky articulated. The only thing I am certain of in this uncertain world is that we never experience death.




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Thanks for complementing me on my writing. But what do you mean by that we never experience death? Do you mean it in the sense that you believe there is an afterlife or that we just live on in terms of the legacy we leave behind for others while we ourselves forever decay in the grave? If it's the latter, then I already explained on this in terms of how you really are nothing at all once you are dead and it is only the legacies and works of art themselves from you that are the only things great now.
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Bill Wiltrack
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by Bill Wiltrack »

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Like you, I understand that there is no life after death.

Perhaps unlike you I know that we repeat, more or less, our same lives over & over again.




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Scott Mayers
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by Scott Mayers »

Life I agree is 'meaningless' with regards to some universal purpose. Death is in itself not something we actually fear though. It is the suffering we fear in our thoughts of what this implies. I agree with Bill in that (by my own thinking) I don't think we ever truly have proof that death (of consciousness) exists even where we see it from others or that if it does it would affect us one way or the other. It is our living sensations that give us this fear of what we think is death as if it were a 'regret' or loss of what could have been. I would more fear an eternity of our conscious existence in which we feel unable to stop existing. So I embrace the idea of death.

Imagine if given some sincere determined life you experience the misfortune of experience that leads you to think in some way that creates overwhelming guilt. Even if you might have learned from your errors, what good would it be if you should be tortured eternally regardless. Death is thus a welcoming thing as it could at least remove this potential suffering.
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Bill Wiltrack
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by Bill Wiltrack »

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I would more fear an eternity of our conscious existence in which we feel unable to stop existing. So I embrace the idea of death.


Great post.



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Arising_uk
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by Arising_uk »

Bill Wiltrack wrote:...

Had a deep understanding through following the discipline that Ouspensky articulated. ...
You show zero evidence of following his discipline.
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Bill Wiltrack
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by Bill Wiltrack »

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What the hell?


Look, I experienced a miracle. A TRUE - REAL LIFE miracle. Admittedly, it was 40 years ago...and I am not the same person...but what I did and what I experienced only happens like once in a billion people or so...





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Dubious
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by Dubious »

MozartLink wrote:Therefore, sacrificing yourself to leave a legacy behind and to die for any other given reason should be avoided at all costs since it makes you nothing as an individual.
Is that what you think Mozart or Schubert did dying prematurely on purpose in order to leave a legacy behind because that what it sounds like!
You are better off living for yourself for all eternity in eternal bliss with no suffering in your life. That is the only life you have to live to give you love, joy, happiness, and meaning. Not this life of suffering, illness, disease, and death.
These Elysian fields have more of a tendency to turn bliss into hell with no end in sight since it all exists in eternity. Anything human which exists eternally or even for too long I would quality as the epitome of gruesomeness. From what I recall one of the greatest insults - more like a curse - a Spartan could give to another is to say "May you live forever".

There are no intense compounding moments in eternity, something so extensionless, it signifies the complete evacuation of meaning by any measure. In contrast, a receptive consciousness may feel strange fugue-like sensations crawling into him everything converging into one instant. Anything may be the catalyst but mortality itself is the first cause acknowledging itself as a shard of the eternal in which its being is both compressed and contained. A few experiences like this would recompense even a short life far more than those who have never been so influxed causing time to temporarily suspend itself as if it didn't exist!

To me since music is motion it's the most powerful art to compel these kind of feelings in its wake though other abstractions can be equally powerful.
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Arising_uk
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by Arising_uk »

Bill Wiltrack wrote:.
What the hell?
Look, I experienced a miracle. A TRUE - REAL LIFE miracle. Admittedly, it was 40 years ago...and I am not the same person...but what I did and what I experienced only happens like once in a billion people or so...

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Actually no, what you experienced was an hallucination that you took as a revelation and many people have them but this has bugger all to do with what Ouspensky proposed.
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Bill Wiltrack
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Re: Why I find life meaningless and death a downer

Post by Bill Wiltrack »

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......................................................
All due respect, you don't know what I experienced.




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