Sculptor wrote: ↑Wed Dec 13, 2023 1:20 pm
Hitchen's alternative...
https://youtu.be/POTXJmish3c
These are the only commandments humanity needs, from BOONYISM.
As you might know, Australian cricketer David Boon beat Marshy's record by drinking 52 cans!!!! of Victoria Bitter (VB) on a flight from Australia to England in preparation for the Ashes tour...
Our Messiah is David Boon MBE, Boony, Boonie, Davo...the Messiah of our great religion, Boonyism. It is
everyone's duty to respect our Holy Mecca that is Lords.
If travelling through WhyAlla...do NOT touch the brakes unless there is a pub worthy of a Boonyist (of course there is, probably loads of them, in fact all pubs are worthy let's face the ultimate truth), but all Boonyists must remember that the accelerator can become a force to be reckoned with, so find someone else to drive, some Muslims are lovely people and so are wives that don't drink.
To become a bona fide Boonyist of Boonyism, Baptism is required as below..
Baptism:
The baptee raises an IMPERIAL PINT of beer and says: 'All hale to faster planes or spaceships and duck
those that challenge our Messiah..........Booooooooooony!'
The baptee then drinks aforementioned pint (not necessarily all at once, please have some decorum for what
is sacred), while watching any live game of cricket (whether it be at a holy ground, also known as a cricket
oval, on the beach, in the back garden, on TV, or whatever form of interface happens to connect conscious
brains to images of what we presume to be humans, play the Holy Grail of Cricket, The Ashes).
Baptism to become a bona fide Boonyist of Boonyism, maybe repeated, in fact it is encouraged.
The sweet 16 woops...22 Commandments of Boonyism:
1 - thou shalt not hit girls and LADIES (unless you are a girl or a LADY, and commandment four applies).
2 - thou shalt not talk about Boonyism or your commitment to our religion to David Boon, unless He raises
the topic, or you ask Him first due to having a wad load of cash to donate to a charity of Boonie's choosing,
or, you are a friend of his and want to wind him up.
3 - thou shalt laugh at life and allow all comedians to take the piss out of anything they want, so long as at
least 20% of the audience found it funny.
4 - thou shalt deal with an inflamed situation with logic and wit first, if this does not resolve the at hand
problem, and both parties agree the need to attempt to beat the proverbial shit out of each other, then proceed
to use whatever equipment you were born with ONLY, unless the opposition is not a Boonyist and uses other
equipment, in which case take all reasonable measures, to at least match the capabilities of the infidel.
5 - thou shalt respect others of darker or whiter skin than yourself, and of any sexual orientation as an equal,
unless they are being a c**t.
6 - if a male or female say no to sex, you don't rape them. (unless it's the creator of Boonyism saying no
*Brian, and you are female or a pack of females, and there are no males in the immediate vicinity).
7 - thou shalt apologise to others when you have finally worked out, you were a [insert applicable
expletive(s)].
8 - thou shalt not permit robots to be part of crowd control.
9 - thou shalt respect people that say they find cricket boring, as we shall respect those that like less than fifty
over versions of the game.
10 - if any form of money is raised by a Boonyist as a member of Boonyism, it must go to the creator, Brian,
or a charity that David Boon decides is appropriate for that money to end up with, unless there is not enough
money for beer when the Ashes is on, and especially if the Boonyist is English.
11 - Boonyism can and should interrogate respectfully adjust accordingly its own doctrine to suit the period
of the time, with approval of our Messiah, unless he is dead. (who knows, although extremely unlikely
something more suitable than beer might be invented)....stop laughing, this is serious.
12 - there shall be no criticism of anything that Monty Python ever produced. (every religion must have
something irrational about it).
13 - thou shalt endeavour to learn as much as one can, and question everything.
14 - it should go without saying, if Boony, Boonie, Davo is in a pub AND asks YOU to buy him a beer, then
buy the fat git of a Messiah a beer, but under NO circumstances approach the Messiah uninvited.
15 - thou shalt love andor own a dog at some point during one's lifetime.
16 - thou shalt not betray the love of thy partner.
17 - thou shalt not accept the news media stating a country has said anything, where it should be defined by
the 'party' of said country. For example, stating that China has banned Australian barley is not representative
of the spirit of the Chinese people. It should be stated, the Chinese 'Communist' (C**t) Party, or CCP has
banned Australian barley.
18 - thou shalt respect anything the creator of Boonyism (Brian) has to say unless it's disrespectful AND not
funny to at least 49.9% of people in a pub or he is being a dickhead in general.
19 - thou shalt always consider the consequences, implications of Schrodinger's beer (is there still one left in
the fridge).
20 - thou shalt not steal, thou shalt not litter, thou shalt not be involved with illicit drugs...oh yes and don't
kill people.
21 - anyone that breeds children to get money from the honest day's labour of workers, cannot be a Boonyist.
22 - if a Boonyist is in court for any reason that does not apply to breaking any of the above commandments,
a Boonyist shall be permitted to drink at the minimum twelve pints of beer during the court case.
www.boonyism.com