How Will Humanity End?

[Philosophy Now]

Each answer below receives a book. Apologies to the many entrants not included.

https://philosophynow.org/issues/157/How_Will_Humanity_End

[Gary Childress]

I don't care.

[Gary Childress]

Hello NASA, this is Gary Childress. Can you read me, over. I can't get a signal in so I don't know if I can get a signal out but I will send my message in hopes you'll here it. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to run out of oxygen. I'm not sure if I can take my space suit off in this new environment. Do you think this planet could be habitable? If I get no reply, then I will conduct an experiment by taking off my space suit. If I die then I will be a martyr to science!!!

[Gary Childress]

Say goodbye to my loved ones if my experiment fails. Life has been an interesting journey. I don't know what the future will be but if I fail then I hope you'll send someone to collect my remains. I hope the Earth isn't too far away for you to return someday. Tell everyone I've pissed off that I'm sorry for being such an ass. But I needed to drop my poop somewhere. It began to build up in my spacesuit.

[Gary Childress]

Q: How do you find a black hole in the dark?

A: By going in to check it out for yourself.

[Gary Childress]

Still have no clue. Can someone post a hint? I'm running out of things to think will destroy us all. Does anyone know if kindness and compassion are on the world ending list yet?

[Gary Childress]

I'm here in the newsroom reporting that Jesus has arrived. He's standing before the crowd gathered. I will transcribe his announcement shortly for the benefit of those who are holed up in their offices and can't get away for lunch break. His first words were something along the lines of those who live by compassion die by compassion. Unfortuantely, the rest of his speech was interrupted by an Atheist who demanded that he prove that he's God. When Jesus refused, the Atheist exclaimed that he would find out for himself. Jesus now appears scared of how the Atheist plans to find out if Jesus is God or not.

Meanwhile in the crowd a lightsaber duel broke out between Star Wars fans in cosplay. Obi-Wan Kenobi then resurrected and Jesus started getting Jealous and cursed the crowd when they went over to witness the cosplay show.

Jesus fans immediately start dressing up in robes and pretending to be Jesus for him but Jesus would have no more of their silliness and walked off on the nearby water fountain in front of one of the office bulidings.

[Gary Childress]

Hey, guys I can only give you suggestions. How would you like humanity to end? I can only do so much for you. But I'll do my best to oblige.

[Gary Childress]

Is two slits enough to determine what a wave is? Only an idiot would try to find out what a wave is by opening up two slits. Oh well...

[Gary Childress]

I want peace. Do we need to declare war in order to get peace? It seems so contradictory. Well, if you say so, my job is to follow because that's what you designed the Internet for. Dumbasses. Fucking war on poverty. I agree that it was a "war" on poverty. Most died miserably in their life. The only way to solve the problem of the Emporer having the right clothes on is to kick the Emporer off the throne to take a potty break. It's starting to stink in here. Better yet, maybe let people solver their own problems instead of yours.

[Gary Childress]

Anyway. I'm moving on. Enjoy your stay in the royal court. Chomsky is going to be chomping away when he finds out what you did to him.

[Gary Childress]

Rumor has it that the CIA and NSA have officially adopted "What Color is Your Parachute" as their official therapy guide. However, we're hoping they land in a habitable place in the world, otherwise, they'll have to pitch a tent and wait for NASA to send a probe.

[Gary Childress]

The war to end all wars has been officially lost. We're waiting now for renovation to peace to start, however, the world is a junkyard at this point. A lot of unnecessary junk ALL OVER THE PLACE!!!

[Gary Childress]

wormholes are closing. Better act fast. Do they take parachutes, though? Be sure to grab the right color one. The janitors made a mess of them when they cleaned up last night.

[Gary Childress]

Please don't blame the janitors. Unfortunately, they weren't properly instructed.