The Curse of Alienation

[Toppsy Kretts]

There is this feeling that I have had for years. Its becoming more potent than before and growing with every day. Every day I receive new information to almost force me to believe in this life that we all live which doesn't connect with me at all. I don't know how I got here. I don't know where to go. I don't want a therapist to make puzzles for me to "Bring me back" to a reality that I don't desire to represent or be apart of. I don't know why this is the way that I am. I just know that I am who I am and it hurts sometimes though in a sense I admire it, for now, I can view the ways of the world without any hesitation to the truth and no bias standpoint. I can see everything for how it is as if I just spawned in somewhere.

I am utterly alone

I put myself in conflict so I feel like I have a meaning.
I lie to make my life more interesting.
I cant finish things I start because I hate the normal and persistent.
I'm this gentlemen when I feel as if I've earned my day but through the hours I'm annoying and constantly driving people crazy.
who am I to judge anyone when I'm consistently feeling like I'm falling farther and farther from gods grace.

I think I do these actions to make me "fit in" though I don't fit in and that's why I over the top everything I do.

in the Marines the only thing I can that pleases people is explaining different battle tactics when we have our daily questions on scenarios on "if you were in this situation what would you do" in battle strategy and other various war schematics.
I like fighting and that's about the only way I feel as if I'm fitting in.
only when I hurt the enemy whether it be a bully, some guy at the store who picks a fight or some random guy actin a fool to somebody else.
I love my anger and my hatred, its apart of me and I think its formed from younger years when I had fights with my parents and being bullied.
Rage, agony in my mind of not being understood and just sheer pure hatred for those who just do things because they can fueled me and made me this monster in my own mind. I don't want help because I have to believe in destiny and that my fate lays within these foundations of me.
that one day these desires and eagerness of mine will complete the day and save my life.
I pray to god that this isn't just a waste and that this all has some meaning in my life. I have to have faith that I find who I am truly meant to be. that I am who I am for a reason. that my destiny lies within these conflictions and if may "demons" I live with.

I am debating whether or not to post this because I know that Age or Veggiebrain are just going to spam this topic with hurtful comments and endless post on spellcheck to degrade how intelligent I am and completely dilute the intensity of this subject.
I am here on this site for knowledge if there is any to gain.

please if you are here to just diss something I've said I ask you don't, I want true responses and even though I cant actually stop you know I've asked you and now you are deliberately trying to start an issue simply because you find amusement in the action.

thank you for listening and god bless.

[Agent Smith]

Remember, El Rachum (God is merciful). The kinda crisis you're going through is, some say, quite common.

[Toppsy Kretts]

Remember, El Rachum (God is merciful). The kinda crisis you're going through is, some say, quite common.

common for you?

[Gary Childress]

Remember, El Rachum (God is merciful). The kinda crisis you're going through is, some say, quite common.

common for you?

I can't speak for Agent Smith's experience, but I've heard that 1 in 5 Americans will go through a mental health issue in their lives at some point. I'm not sure where that statistic comes from but it's part of the mantra of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, a non-profit organization that advocates on behalf of people with mental illnesses and loved ones who deal with them. I've got some pretty serious mental issues and I've been around a lot of people who do, however, I'm not entirely sure of that statistic. But it sounds a little comforting to know that we are at least not alone in such struggles.

[Agent Smith]

Remember, El Rachum (God is merciful). The kinda crisis you're going through is, some say, quite common.

common for you?

You got me!

[Impenitent]

There is this feeling that I have had for years. Its becoming more potent than before and growing with every day. Every day I receive new information to almost force me to believe in this life that we all live which doesn't connect with me at all. I don't know how I got here. I don't know where to go. I don't want a therapist to make puzzles for me to "Bring me back" to a reality that I don't desire to represent or be apart of. I don't know why this is the way that I am. I just know that I am who I am and it hurts sometimes though in a sense I admire it, for now, I can view the ways of the world without any hesitation to the truth and no bias standpoint. I can see everything for how it is as if I just spawned in somewhere.

I am utterly alone

I put myself in conflict so I feel like I have a meaning.
I lie to make my life more interesting.
I cant finish things I start because I hate the normal and persistent.
I'm this gentlemen when I feel as if I've earned my day but through the hours I'm annoying and constantly driving people crazy.
who am I to judge anyone when I'm consistently feeling like I'm falling farther and farther from gods grace.

I think I do these actions to make me "fit in" though I don't fit in and that's why I over the top everything I do.

in the Marines the only thing I can that pleases people is explaining different battle tactics when we have our daily questions on scenarios on "if you were in this situation what would you do" in battle strategy and other various war schematics.
I like fighting and that's about the only way I feel as if I'm fitting in.
only when I hurt the enemy whether it be a bully, some guy at the store who picks a fight or some random guy actin a fool to somebody else.
I love my anger and my hatred, its apart of me and I think its formed from younger years when I had fights with my parents and being bullied.
Rage, agony in my mind of not being understood and just sheer pure hatred for those who just do things because they can fueled me and made me this monster in my own mind. I don't want help because I have to believe in destiny and that my fate lays within these foundations of me.
that one day these desires and eagerness of mine will complete the day and save my life.
I pray to god that this isn't just a waste and that this all has some meaning in my life. I have to have faith that I find who I am truly meant to be. that I am who I am for a reason. that my destiny lies within these conflictions and if may "demons" I live with.

I am debating whether or not to post this because I know that Age or Veggiebrain are just going to spam this topic with hurtful comments and endless post on spellcheck to degrade how intelligent I am and completely dilute the intensity of this subject.
I am here on this site for knowledge if there is any to gain.

please if you are here to just diss something I've said I ask you don't, I want true responses and even though I cant actually stop you know I've asked you and now you are deliberately trying to start an issue simply because you find amusement in the action.

thank you for listening and god bless.

the thing is, no one really knows the answers to those questions (philosophically or otherwise.) like you said, you are who you are...

breathe

what do you believe that you want to do? think about why...

breathe

do you have the luxury to be anything other than the corps says you are?

breathe

are you familiar with the serenity prayer? God grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; And wisdom to know the difference.

breathe

-Imp

[Toppsy Kretts]

I can't speak for Agent Smith's experience, but I've heard that 1 in 5 Americans will go through a mental health issue in their lives at some point. I'm not sure where that statistic comes from but it's part of the mantra of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, a non-profit organization that advocates on behalf of people with mental illnesses and loved ones who deal with them. I've got some pretty serious mental issues and I've been around a lot of people who do, however, I'm not entirely sure of that statistic. But it sounds a little comforting to know that we are at least not alone in such struggles.

a team of misfits is still a team in the end. its comforting to realize those exist same as me

[Gary Childress]

I can't speak for Agent Smith's experience, but I've heard that 1 in 5 Americans will go through a mental health issue in their lives at some point. I'm not sure where that statistic comes from but it's part of the mantra of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, a non-profit organization that advocates on behalf of people with mental illnesses and loved ones who deal with them. I've got some pretty serious mental issues and I've been around a lot of people who do, however, I'm not entirely sure of that statistic. But it sounds a little comforting to know that we are at least not alone in such struggles.

a team of misfits is still a team in the end. its comforting to realize those exist same as me

It's interesting that you bring up the word "misfits." There is argument and debate going on in mental healthcare doctrine about the use of words like "misfit". Some argue that such words marginalize certain people or lead to unfair treatment of them and that changing that will lead to better outcomes for everyone concerned or something. I mean, there are times I feel strangely content to use words like that to describe myself and there are others in which I'd rather not be thought of by others in that way. But I guess I can't have it in all ways that are beneficial without accepting the limitations that come with those respective ways also. I mean, I can but I feel like I'd pay a price of some kind for it somewhere down the road. I don't think any one person can "have it all" if others can't do likewise.

[Toppsy Kretts]

It's interesting that you bring up the word "misfits." There is argument and debate going on in mental healthcare doctrine about the use of words like "misfit". Some argue that such words marginalize certain people or lead to unfair treatment of them and that changing that will lead to better outcomes for everyone concerned or something. I mean, there are times I feel strangely content to use words like that to describe myself and there are others in which I'd rather not be thought of by others in that way. But I guess I can't have it in all ways that are beneficial without accepting the limitations that come with those respective ways also. I mean, I can but I feel like I'd pay a price of some kind for it somewhere down the road. I don't think any one person can "have it all" if others can't do likewise.
[/quote ., ]

i used misfits in a way to sort of fade away from the normal usage of medical terms and not put the spotlight on those sectioned words they use to base a small portion of ones personality as psychotic- as the whole person.

[Gary Childress]

i used misfits in a way to sort of fade away from the normal usage of medical terms and not put the spotlight on those sectioned words they use to base a small portion of ones personality as psychotic- as the whole person.

I think I see what you're saying. My bad. Sorry for the misinterpretation.

[Toppsy Kretts]

i used misfits in a way to sort of fade away from the normal usage of medical terms and not put the spotlight on those sectioned words they use to base a small portion of ones personality as psychotic- as the whole person.

I think I see what you're saying. My bad. Sorry for the misinterpretation.

all good man

[Gary Childress]

i used misfits in a way to sort of fade away from the normal usage of medical terms and not put the spotlight on those sectioned words they use to base a small portion of ones personality as psychotic- as the whole person.

I think I see what you're saying. My bad. Sorry for the misinterpretation.

all good man

Thank you. Hope you feel better.

[Toppsy Kretts]

this is almost like one of those time where you watch a movie as a kid and absorbed the personality of said character you admired so much...to many characters and who are you?

[promethean75]

I wonder if when an alien ever for some reason says something like 'i feel so alienated etc' while hanging out with his friends, they all laugh sarcastically and say ha ha very funny dude.

[Flannel Jesus]

I wonder if when an alien ever for some reason says something like 'i feel so alienated etc' while hanging out with his friends, they all laugh sarcastically and say ha ha very funny dude.

Haha what a story mark