Philosophy Now Forum

I dedicate this one to Henry Quirk!

One of my best mates in the early 90s caught a taxi home one late night and was extremely drunk. He opened the front door of his house, went into the bedroom and slumped onto the bed. A girl screamed and managed to turn a lamp on, my mate jumped off the bed and looked around at his bedroom that had been girlyfied.
Then he came to his senses, he had moved to a different house some weeks prior, and she had clearly not changed the locks!

Of course, my mate would have been blown away by Henry, and he was such a nice bloke.

Similarly, he had been shopping in a mall, returned to his car and it wasn't until he was half way home he realised he was driving someone elses Ford Cortina! (ya he was a bit of plonker)

At the time, three of my mates ALL owned Ford Cortinas and came to the realisation, with a little wiggle of the keys they could 'borrow' each others car. Needless to say, I got one of their keys cut, and wore it down a tad just in case I needed to borrow a car.

I pee’d on a little old lady’s front lawn. She caught me while I was pee’ing.

I pee'd on a little old lady.

...keep it REAL people, I hope ALL the above is true! I'll tell my personal pee story eventually.

Come on people, I know you are all pretending you have lived such sheltered (boring not funny) lives ...personally, I DONT BELEIVE IT!!!

Okay well christmas has always seemed funny to me. Think about it. It's supposed to be the birthday of some regular dude (who may not have even existed) with a messiah complex. To celebrate it, people take a tree out of the ground somewhere and put it in their living room, under which they place commodities concealed by decorative wrapping paper, for friends and family.

It's also the worst time of the year on the radio because we have to hear the most horrible songs sung by every single artist in the world who insists on doing their version of it.

And, there's this mythological guy called santa clause somehow incorporated into the whole mess, who has nothing to do with anything really.

Perhaps it's the utter arbitrariness of the holiday that's so funny to me, i dunno.

I have a messier complex..I'm grubby according to Veg, but she likes it like that.

Pretty cerain I know two other usernames of yours, doubt you had anything to do with (my) mornings shenanigans, care to provide the first three numbers of an IP?

I don't do sock-puppets and have never posted at this site under a different name. However, I will reveal my identity in low budget video upon request. Choose from the following available options. promethean75 as:

1. Eazy E, straight outta Compton

2. wing commander leading an x-wing starfighter group during an assault on the republic

3. master of the nunchaku arts

4. shot caller when it gets gangsta

5. Mr. Roboto

6. broke ass jazz drummer with brushes and pandeiro

7. empty, just like 'god'

8. all of the above

promethean75 wrote: ↑Wed Dec 22, 2021 7:41 am I don't do sock-puppets and have never posted at this site under a different name. However, I will reveal my identity in low budget video upon request.

Mmm, as long as you pixelate your willy.

promethean75 wrote: ↑Wed Dec 22, 2021 7:41 am Choose from the following available options. promethean75 as:

1. Eazy E, straight outta Compton

2. wing commander leading an x-wing starfighter group during an assault on the republic

3. master of the nunchaku arts

4. shot caller when it gets gangsta

5. Mr. Roboto

6. broke ass jazz drummer with brushes and pandeiro

7. empty, just like 'god'

8. all of the above

Well, apart from all the above, I forgot about an estimated age I had originally you pinned. (don't ask)

I apologise for my borderline slanderous behaviour, some rather coincidental things happened this morning which caused me to be dealing with certain elements across the web.

From the above, you is a USAdian me finks. Isn't it funny how we imagine others just by their words.

I shall remain with reservations on another platform re username, smoking a peace pipe of course with some of your natives.

promethean75 wrote: ↑Sun Dec 19, 2021 7:48 pm I pee'd on a little old lady.

Again in my extremely naughty days, and of course testing consciousness, me and a mate late one night, just beyond the suburbs where some farm properties existed were tripping balls as they say around these parts, on Lysergic Acid Diethylamide when he screwed the clutch up on the work ute.

We knew someone that lived on one of the properties a few paddocks from whence we tripped (internally).

So we walked across an entire paddock, no doubt beers in hand and me needing a piss, kept walking...and walking...I had an entire field at my urinary disposal, but...no...atto must pee on the next wire fence (I think you know where this is heading). So we stop at the fence, atto pops the thingy out and pees on an electric fence. I saw bright blue light BANG! - through aforementioned consciousness, and my mate almost died from laughter.

"Mmm, as long as you pixelate your willy."

I must confess that I feel a great sense of discomfiture when I observe an unknown stranger say 'Mmm' immediately after I offer to post a video of myself, and then summarily conclude with a request that I 'pixilate my willy'.

I should therefore like to give due reconsideration at this juncture, and I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused you. Thank you and good day.

promethean75 wrote: ↑Thu Dec 23, 2021 2:08 pm I should therefore like to give due reconsideration at this juncture, and I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused you. Thank you and good day.

It's ok, the Japanese do it to me all the time. btw I really loved your Christmas eve joke here:- viewtopic.php?f=13&t=34115&p=548761#p548761 (hilarious!!)

Really looking forward to Jesus's birthday tomorrow. When someone asks me what I've been up to for the past year, I shall reveal the truth...i've been teaching myself to fart the alphabet. My sister (Mrs Bucket, pronounced bouquet) is going to love it, as I think all the family will.

So far I've barely made it to C, after B it's pretty much all over...I've eaten six cans of baked beans...once they restock my local shop, I'll purchase some more, apparently a delivery is scheduled soon. C requires extreme butt clenching, if I make it to E I won't let myself consider that I've wasted a year.

.

Many years ago I managed to talk my girlfriend at the time into visiting a very popular nudist beach, not far from where we lived. She was very reluctant to "bare all" at first but after seeing everyone else naked, and after much effort on my behalf, she agreed to strip off, providing we kept our distance from the other naturists and didn't draw attention to ourselves. So, we decided to go for a walk along the waters edge, as most people were further back on the beach, and very few were venturing into the water. Suddenly my girlfriend let out a very loud scream and started hoping around on one foot, due to having trodden on a wasp, who, before dying, took revenge by stinging her on the arch of her foot. Her scream, followed by her somewhat frantic behaviour, attracted the attention of almost everyone on the beach, especially the men, who saw an excellent excuse to run over and try to help. I always thought it interesting how pain can so quickly overcome one's inhibitions.

Ever had a friend who's laugh was so delightful you'd do damn near anything to get em going? The kind of gutteral laughing that was absolutely real and utterly contagious. I had a friend like that. If he started laughing for any reason, so would I. It didn't even matter why. I used to do shit in public to set him off. We'd be in a grocery store and I'd grab the whole pallet of pretzels and start pushing it toward the checkout line. He'd almost collapse in laughter.

This one time we're hanging out at the mall and we walk pass a GNC. The clerk was this super hot fitness chick, right, so I get this brilliant idea. I says to Ryan 'hold on I wanna see if they have the two for one MegaMan vitamin deal' and he falls in stride with me as we enter the store. I act like I'm looking around for a sec and then approach the counter. Ryan's browsing the herbs and shit. The super hot fitness chick comes up to the register and I say 'hey do you carry penis reduction pills?'

And there he goes. Before she could even utter an embarrassed word, Ryan explodes into henous laughter... so loud, people walking by are stopping to see what the hell is happening. And then sure enough, I set ta laughing too. I have no choice. Eye watering laughter when you have to hunch over to catch a breath. The harder I laughed, the harder he laughed. The super hot chick at this time is just standing there rolling her eyes as if you say 'ha ha very funny'. I managed to get out a 'just kidding' between convulsions and we started working our way toward the exit.

Man that shit was priceless.

Yo anybody see the cop-cam footage of this incident at the LA mall yet?

Have you ever seen such an obnoxious, disorganized mess of procedure conducted by a bunch of clowns who act more like a group of kids playing Call of Duty than professionally trained officers?

Like these idiots were almost tripping over each other. There should be an SNL skit written for this immediately.