Re: Who picks who in a relationship?
Posted: Tue Mar 07, 2017 9:56 am
For the vast majority of women in the world there is no choice, it's an economic transaction.
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I'm not sure about just women, men marry through necessity too. And i'm not sure that this necessity always means "no choice".Arising_uk wrote:For the vast majority of women in the world there is no choice, it's an economic transaction.
Well okay, some get a couple of choices depending which class they belong to but by and large I think the vast majority of the women of this world get very little say about when and who they marry.Hobbes' Choice wrote:I'm not sure about just women, men marry through necessity too. And i'm not sure that this necessity always means "no choice". ...
I disagree.Given my reservations about the way you have phrased this - I think you can therefore dump "vast majority" too. ...
Could be, lets go find some stats.In fact you are probably just plain wrong.
I wasn't really thinking about Islam, more India, China, Africa, Asia, etc.Many marriages are economic transactions, but that does not mean there is no choice. And arranged marriages also obligate the husband - not just women. There is a big world out there, not just Islam.
Arising_uk wrote:Well okay, some get a couple of choices depending which class they belong to but by and large I think the vast majority of the women of this world get very little say about when and who they marry.Hobbes' Choice wrote:I'm not sure about just women, men marry through necessity too. And i'm not sure that this necessity always means "no choice". ...
You are making a statistical claim which no one is in any position to verify. What is meant by "very little"? And even if you asked a decent percentage sample size you would have to have a world-wide catchment. The women asked would also have to evaluate your rather subjective "very little" in their own terms. Since this survey has not been carried out, your words are based on your TV watching prejudice, and not valuable statistically.I disagree.Given my reservations about the way you have phrased this - I think you can therefore dump "vast majority" too. ...
You can disagree all you want, but it's you making the unfounded claims not me.Could be, lets go find some stats.In fact you are probably just plain wrong.
Bit fucking late for that. It seems until I questioned it your prejudice was enough for you.
BTW - How much is "VAST" in "vast majority"?
I wasn't really thinking about Islam, more India, China, Africa, Asia, etc.Many marriages are economic transactions, but that does not mean there is no choice. And arranged marriages also obligate the husband - not just women. There is a big world out there, not just Islam.
p.s.
Ah! Okay, looks like only just over half are arranged. So not the vast majority then. Still of the opinion that if women had the choice, i.e. economic freedom and employment opportunities many would not get married at all, as evidenced by the marriage stats where this has happened.
For years I was the pickee. It was a lack of confidence borne out of never being found attractive in my school years. I always assumed I couldn't have who I wanted. Suddenly in my thirties, when I felt more self assured, I became the picker. Haven't looked back since.Philosophy Explorer wrote:Let's try to make this thread more interesting. Do you prefer to be the picker or pickee? Does it depend?
PhilX
Books don't count, it has to be a person in order to qualify as a relationship.duszek wrote:Is Catherine Townsend known in the UK ?
She is supposedly a columnist in the Independent.
I happened to pick her book from a shelf full of free books
I'd not heard of here until you asked. Describes herself as a journalist and private investigator doing undercover journalism - a certain amount of anonymity is required methinks.duszek wrote:Is Catherine Townsend known in the UK ?
She is supposedly a columnist in the Independent.
I happened to pick her book from a shelf full of free books.
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Flirting is not yet picking, I would say. It is just examinating a potential pick.
Like one would examine a thing in a shop before buying it.
A pass can be a fake one, too. A joke. Such to see the reactions.
Or is it unfair ?
In that case you did very well to find your way there.Hobbes' Choice wrote: I'd not heard of here until you asked.
Did you get them at a 'two for the price of one' sale?ForCruxSake wrote:For years I was the pickee. It was a lack of confidence borne out of never being found attractive in my school years. I always assumed I couldn't have who I wanted. Suddenly in my thirties, when I felt more self assured, I became the picker. Haven't looked back since.Philosophy Explorer wrote:Let's try to make this thread more interesting. Do you prefer to be the picker or pickee? Does it depend?
PhilX
The picker has to signal the pickee, in some way. The pickee can respond, and establish mutuality, or run away, thereby shedding his/her pickee status. The pickee can never initiate.
I was once in a situation where I thought I was the pickee only to realise I was the picker. Strange reversal took place, as I thought initially I wasn't interested, only for things to intensely flip round.
I've had two stalkers, one that went on for three years. Neither were as a consequence of relationships. Pickee in extremis.
He should have let them catch up with him. That would have been the quickest way of getting rid of them.vegetariantaxidermy wrote: Did you get them at a 'two for the price of one' sale?
Stalkers are a weird breed of picker. I always felt slightly at odds with a situation I never felt responsible for. I was friendly when I had worked for someone they knew but that was it. They found excuses to make contact, made friends with my friends, would turn up at events they knew I would be at and then act surprised to see me.duszek wrote:A pickee can frighten off a picker by becoming daring and active.
If they do it in a bossy and obnoxious way the picker will run away like hell.
I am not talking of a compulsive full-fledged stalker of course.
You can never win with someone like him (or her).
If someone discovers a working strategy this person should get a Novel prize.
So there's picker:pickee gamesplay? But if it's just for reactions what's the point of picking? Is there an endgame? Or is the flirting/ making a pass the endgame?duszek wrote: Flirting is not yet picking, I would say. It is just examinating a potential pick.
Like one would examine a thing in a shop before buying it.
A pass can be a fake one, too. A joke. Such to see the reactions.
Or is it unfair ?