On compliments

[Skip]

We can’t help having one or the other type of body, and most everyone dresses up a bit to go out, even just to go shopping for detergent and socks. We like to look .... nice (?1) and have people notice (?2) how we look.

My female friend and I routinely compliment strange women in a cashier's queue or other casual encounter on their attire; if we’re struck by an interesting or attractive item, we say so. Even my not-very-observant male friend comments on distinctive hairstyles or tattoos... on young women. Hm. But never on men. We rarely compliment men on anything.
I have said something to a man about his boots or truck or guitar case - nothing more intimate! - and my friend gets the odd comment on his leather hat, though mostly from women.

My questions:
1. What is it that we're all trying to look, on a routine trip to the mall?
Attractive? Prosperous? Viable? Successful? Confident?

2. Do we really want people to notice that we look good, or just not to notice us looking bad?

3. Do we expect men to interpret a compliment from another man as something else – a come-on or challenge or sarcasm?
3a. Do we expect men to be more touchy and suspicious than women,
or 3b. do we simply assume that they don’t crave validation (?4)
or that they 3c. don’t care how they look and whether we notice?

4. Do men crave the superficial approval of strangers?
4a. Do women?
4b. If so, in the same way and to the same degree?

4c. Does a man have to, like, rescue a dog from a burning ship or scale the CN Tower or cure shingles to get some praise?

[thedoc]

We can’t help having one or the other type of body, and most everyone dresses up a bit to go out, even just to go shopping for detergent and socks. We like to look .... nice (?1) and have people notice (?2) how we look.

My female friend and I routinely compliment strange women in a cashier's queue or other casual encounter on their attire; if we’re struck by an interesting or attractive item, we say so. Even my not-very-observant male friend comments on distinctive hairstyles or tattoos... on young women. Hm. But never on men. We rarely compliment men on anything.
I have said something to a man about his boots or truck or guitar case - nothing more intimate! - and my friend gets the odd comment on his leather hat, though mostly from women.

My questions:
1. What is it that we're all trying to look, on a routine trip to the mall?
Attractive? Prosperous? Viable? Successful? Confident?

2. Do we really want people to notice that we look good, or just not to notice us looking bad?

3. Do we expect men to interpret a compliment from another man as something else – a come-on or challenge or sarcasm?
3a. Do we expect men to be more touchy and suspicious than women,
or 3b. do we simply assume that they don’t crave validation (?4)
or that they 3c. don’t care how they look and whether we notice?

4. Do men crave the superficial approval of strangers?
4a. Do women?
4b. If so, in the same way and to the same degree?

4c. Does a man have to, like, rescue a dog from a burning ship or scale the CN Tower or cure shingles to get some praise?

Some men outgrow this sort of thing, they get married. Seriously at a certain age I just decided that I would wear what was comfortable and not worry about how I looked to anyone. My wife buys my clothes and knows to buy what I will wear, the only exceptions are, really cheap that I can wear to cut wood or work on cars. If you are still trying to impress the opposite sex, you are a lot younger than I am.

[duszek]

For auditive types like myself it does not matter very much how one looks, it does matter though how one sounds.

And for intuitive types it matters most what the body language of a person expresses.

We perceive wholistically.

[Impenitent]

are peacocks the cause of self conscious chickens?

-Imp

[Skip]

are peacocks the cause of self conscious chickens?

No, chickens only care about the approbation of other chickens. A rooster in a hen-yard does a good deal of strutting and preening, even when not interested in sex: he has a status and territorial rights to protect.

People in their work-places are seen and usually want to be seen in a certain (non-sexual) way; men have reputation, social self image, an expectation an hope of being perceived in a certain way, just as women do.

What I mostly wonder about is whether men would appreciate positive feedback on whatever effort they've made to present themselves to the rest of their species.

[thedoc]

What I mostly wonder about is whether men would appreciate positive feedback on whatever effort they've made to present themselves to the rest of their species.

That might apply to some but I would suggest that self image is the most important, and for that positive feedback doesn't really boost a positive self image, but negative feedback can take it down a bit.

[duszek]

But the feedback comes always, by body language.

Unless someone is completely lost in thought and does not pay attention to new costumes of his co-workers, then the feedback from this particular person may be missing.

You see it in the eyes of another person, in his or her gaze. And it is usually honest and genuine.
While an opinion expressed in words is usually politically correct and so cannot be taken at its face value.

[Skip]

Most* of the men I know don't watch other people as closely as most women do. At least, they aren't usually content with body-language or facial expression feedback on their accomplishments: they want the actual words of acknowledgment - (like Dustin Hoffman in Wag the Dog, they want credit.)
But not for their presentation of self in public life?

(*exceptions: artist and doctor)