Philosophy Now Forum

For the majority of us, love is the one part of our lives we believe happens to us solely by chance.

For years passion was not considered a solid basis for marriage until recently.

Here we must exercise caution. When two people instantly fall in love, they are in love with an idealised concept of each other, which eventually, nearly always, ends in disaster.

How many of us would put in the effort needed to keep a relationship going when one person cheats on the other?

What about physical attraction. Yes. It is important, but too much of a good thing, can turn into a bad thing and instead of love it is lust. I chuckle here as some may disagree vehemently with this.

Does it make sense to enter into an aranged marriage where both parties can learn to love each other gradually and travel on solid ground.

I dont believe we have one person only for us. Our soulmate. That is for the poet and his/her muse.

Should we wait around hoping for our true love to happen upon us.

Should we use our common sense and plan for it, like we plan for a career, or anything else, reject the fairytale aspect of it.

Some are quite content without it.

As some wag put it: 'love ain't nuthin' but lust misspelled.'

Way too much attention is paid to gland-based longings/appetites.

And -- of course -- since a whole whack of folks make a living playin' to, making appeals to, 'appetite', it's no wonder lust gets dressed up by those folks and presented as sumthin' other than what 'it' is.


The answers to these questions...

-How many of us would put in the effort needed to keep a relationship going when one person cheats on the other?

-Does it make sense to enter into an arranged marriage where both parties can learn to love each other gradually and travel on solid ground (?)

-Should we wait around hoping for our true love to happen upon us (?)

-Should we use our common sense and search consciously for it, like we search for a career, or anything else and reject the fairytale aspect of it (?)

...depends entirely on 'who' you ask (and 'when' and 'where' you ask)...that is: different strokes for different folks...that is: as far as I can tell, there's no right or wrong answer to any of the above.









*that is, love as some force that descends on a person and possesses him or her, or, love as a pit one falls into...this is a distinctly different and inferior notion when compared to love as verb or process, sumthin' a person 'does'

henry quirk wrote:
The answers to these questions...

-How many of us would put in the effort needed to keep a relationship going when one person cheats on the other?

-Does it make sense to enter into an arranged marriage where both parties can learn to love each other gradually and travel on solid ground (?)

-Should we wait around hoping for our true love to happen upon us (?)

-Should we use our common sense and search consciously for it, like we search for a career, or anything else and reject the fairytale aspect of it (?)

...depends entirely on 'who' you ask (and 'when' and 'where' you ask)...that is: different strokes for different folks...that is: as far as I can tell, there's no right or wrong answer to any of the above.

I see falling in love as an aesthetic thing we do. Passion is a wonderful thing...it is sublime...but it isn't real...it's all about appearances and by appearances I do not mean looks as in she is hot or he is not, I mean appearances on a deeper level ....as in someone allowing themselves to be fooled by a feeling...in fact, fooled so deeply that they even attribute qualities to a person that are not even there! I think the more we understand this concept the more we can enjoy love for what it is, be it passion and romance or commitment and contentment, etc.

Know the truth. It's okay to take the chance and even become passionately enveloped by it...but it is not okay to believe passion = loyalty, kindness, love, etc. Feelings are merely aesthetic in nature, enjoy them to your heart's content...that is a good thing...but don't think they are truth. i.e. he makes my heart go pitter patter therefore he must be strong, manly, responsible, kind (insert good quality of your preference).

There is absolutely nothing wrong in loving a man and seeing his faults too. In fact, that is the basis of truly loving a person. The problem is that most people believe in feelings before believing in their own two eyes and then are incredulous when they have been duped.

i know an old couple who had a very long and happy marriage - over 60 years

they told me that they met in grade 1 and knew that they wanted to marry each other the day they met

and in their case they were in love way before sex entered their thoughts at all

they think that is what made it work for them

There is no right or wrong way to find a mate. As each method is probably suited to the type person in question. I think all too often people try and measure everyone by the same yardstick, but some actually require meters instead.

reasonvemotion wrote:When two people instantly fall in love, they are in love with an idealised concept of each other, which eventually, nearly always, ends in disaster.

Rousseau said this was an important component of love, to idealize each other. I believe he's right in that, the problem is only to be aware how silly you are and know when it's "appropriate", so to speak, to idealize (like in sex-life or when your partner is part of a competition, the later being a matter of inspiring faith) and when it's "appropriate" to be realistic. But also in ways that might seem odd, like in matters of acquiring wealth, one might find idealism more appropriate than typical realistic reasoning. A stereotypical realist might say for instance that you will live poor if you sacrifice your wealth for life experience or for helping others, however, that poverty might not be that bad in comparison to what you get and the alternative of not getting that, and I dare say there's more of this now that it was in the past, and idealism, in a broader more inclusive sense, has become more acceptable and appropriate.

The Voice of Time wrote:Rousseau said this was an important component of love, to idealize each other.

as a consequence one will often act so as to come closer to one's significant others idealized image of oneself

That's very sweet.

"Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead." Oscar Wilde

love is the unmoving mover .it moves objects and brains and is the relativity that brings lovers together in the event.

For the majority of us, love is the one part of our lives we believe happens to us solely by chance.

For years passion was not considered a solid basis for marriage until recently.

Here we must exercise caution. When two people instantly fall in love, they are in love with an idealised concept of each other, which eventually, nearly always, ends in disaster.

How many of us would put in the effort needed to keep a relationship going when one person cheats on the other?

What about physical attraction. Yes. It is important, but too much of a good thing, can turn into a bad thing and instead of love it is lust. I chuckle here as some may disagree vehemently with this.

Does it make sense to enter into an aranged marriage where both parties can learn to love each other gradually and travel on solid ground.

I dont believe we have one person only for us. Our soulmate. That is for the poet and his/her muse.

Should we wait around hoping for our true love to happen upon us.

Should we use our common sense and plan for it, like we plan for a career, or anything else, reject the fairytale aspect of it.

Some are quite content without it.

I dont believe we have one person only for us. Our soulmate. That is for the poet and his/her muse.

Absolutely. That is more wishful thinking or delusion. You have to work for it, and "make" your soulmate rather than find it.

reasonvemotion wrote:For the majority of us, love is the one part of our lives we believe happens to us solely by chance.

For years passion was not considered a solid basis for marriage until recently.

Here we must exercise caution. When two people instantly fall in love, they are in love with an idealised concept of each other, which eventually, nearly always, ends in disaster.

How many of us would put in the effort needed to keep a relationship going when one person cheats on the other?

What about physical attraction. Yes. It is important, but too much of a good thing, can turn into a bad thing and instead of love it is lust. I chuckle here as some may disagree vehemently with this.

Does it make sense to enter into an aranged marriage where both parties can learn to love each other gradually and travel on solid ground.

I dont believe we have one person only for us. Our soulmate. That is for the poet and his/her muse.

Should we wait around hoping for our true love to happen upon us.

Should we use our common sense and plan for it, like we plan for a career, or anything else, reject the fairytale aspect of it.

Some are quite content without it.

I agree that there is no such thing as love. However, I have been married for 25 years now. We have our problems but we solve them. It is all about communication. If you spend a long time with someone, a certain closeness develops. And then you are certain that you have someone you can fall back on at all times. That is a big support. The passion reduces after a few years, but a very unique friendship takes its place which is quite rich and fulfilling in a whole lot of ways. And that I think is worth the effort.

I find it easier to go online for it ie. prostitute myself.

Dalek Prime wrote:I find it easier to go online for it ie. prostitute myself.

At least you are honest.

vegetariantaxidermy wrote:

Dalek Prime wrote:I find it easier to go online for it ie. prostitute myself.

At least you are honest.

It's hard to meet people these days. And, while I'm not shy, I also understand not every girl on the street wants the attention. I don't like making people feel uncomfortable. So I clearly state my intent online.

Kayla wrote:i know an old couple who had a very long and happy marriage - over 60 years

they told me that they met in grade 1 and knew that they wanted to marry each other the day they met

and in their case they were in love way before sex entered their thoughts at all

they think that is what made it work for them

Oh, that's a nice story. I want to have a marriage like that though. I bet it would be very difficult this time around. Oh well.