Well, I'm 44 years old.
Translation: You're no longer a 20 something semi-child suffering from the illusion of eternal invulnerability. You're also no where near
old age and the peace it can bring. You may feel old today, but it's just an illusion. Because you aren't old, but in the prime of your life.
When I think of my own end being not too far off I really start to think of what was it all about? Life seems so incredibly short from my perspective right now. If we are simply a "flash in the pan" so to speak what difference does any of this really make. Maybe I'm just in a meloncholy mood right now. But inevitable death puts everything in an all new perspective for me.
The inevitability of death is supposed to give you a new perspective. That's a gift
, not a curse. If you'll embrace the gift and gratefully accept it, you'll be more alive.
Let's give death a human face. How about your grandma's face? Now reach out, and give Grandma Death a big hug. Look death in the eye, give her a big kiss, and tell her you love her, and that you'll be bringing her a big plate of cookies as soon as you can.
If you can love death, she will love you back. If you scorn and insult her, she will give you the cold shoulder in return. Death is a beautiful woman who will be living in your house every day the rest of your life. Be wise, and treat her kindly and with respect!
Here's why you're feeling melancholy. Apologies, but it's because you are doing sloppy philosophy.
First, a clear minded observation of the facts reveal that none of us know anything at all about death. We simply don't.
We passionately WISH we knew about death, and so PRETEND that we know, but that is hardly the same as knowing anything at all.
Please observe how this is true whether one is a theist or an atheist. Some of us assume we are going to heaven to see Jesus etc, and some of us assume our bodies will rot in the ground and that's it. It doesn't matter which faith we have, or how adamant our theist or atheist faith is. The facts still remain, none of us know.
What is the logical course of action if we face the fact that we don't know?
Philosophy would suggest more clear minded observation of reality.
If we have been clear minded and honest enough to face the evidence and see that we don't know, then what?
We can then observe that being alive means we have a choice about how we react to the fact of death, and our ignorance.
We have a choice.
We can choose to be happy. We can choose to be sad.
We can choose.
If we choose to be sad, as is our right, we should be clear minded about it.
We are choosing
to be sad. We aren't a victim of death or fate or anything or anybody else. We've made a choice, and now we are getting just what we've asked for.
Choosing sadness isn't wrong, that's part of life too.
But choosing an illusion that it's anybody but us choosing sadness is philosophically sloppy. Let's not blame our own choices on Lady Death.
I'm facing a life decision of continuing my philosophy education.
Your philosophy education is going to continue whether you like it or not. You likely have decades of study left to go.
Personally, imho, philosophy will always take a back seat to art in regards to the exploration of death. Philosophy is itself too dead to regard death properly.
As example, please watch the movie All That Jazz, and then try to point to a philosophy book that comes even close.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_That_Jazz
It's show time folks!