Philosophy Now Forum

I just heard this one...

Why do marxists drink herbal tea ?

Because all PROPER tea is theft !

Arrgh!

Did you hear about the two dyslexic pjilosophers?

They were debating whether or not there is a dog.

Thanks

cool, i have heard of 'dog food and collars but never seen a dog, wonder if they are a myth ?, others say that the cat is the true divine being !'

What do you say to a philosopher with a job?
"Big Mac, large fries, please"

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration,
as a chicken which has the daring and courage to
boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom
among them has the strength to contend with such a
paragon of avian virtue? In such a manner is the
princely chicken's dominion maintained.

There are a bunch of them: http://philosophy.eserver.org/chicken.txt

Not in line with this thread but the dyslexia jokes reminded me of this and I like bending rules anyway.

Did you hear about the dyslexic tramp?

He choked to death on his own VIMTO!


Note: To the uninitiated, Vimto is a fizzy drink in the UK, a lurid purple fruity concoction which is probably laden with additives and other unpleasant stuff.

What was the last thing that went through the flys mind when it hit the windshield?

Its arse.

horse goes into a bar. the barman says 'why the long face?'

bear goes into a bar and says 'pint of lager and..................a packet of peanuts'
barman says 'why the big pause?'

penguin goes into a bar and says 'have you seen my dad'
barman says 'what's he look like?'

woman takes her dog to the vet.

She says to the vet "there's something wrong with my dog; he's cross-eyed"

The vet picks up the dog, looks at its eyes and says "you're right, he is cross eyed - I'm going to have to put him down"

"Why on earth would you have to do that?" asks the woman

"he's really heavy" says the vet.

OR

how many members of the cast of Lost does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only one, but it takes him 24 episodes to do it...


AND FINALLY (seeing as how this is a philosophy board and everything...)

What do you call a six-foot, 200lb Solipcist?

Anything you like, he isn't there...

Rene Descartes walks into a restaurant and sits down for dinner. The waiter comes over and asks if he'd like an appetizer
"No thank you" says Descartes, "I'd just like to order dinner"
"Would you like to hear our daily specials?" asks the waiter
"No" says Descartes, getting impatient
"Would you like a drink before dinner?" the waiter asks
Descartes is insulted, since he's a tee-totaler
"I think not!" he says indignantly, and POOF! he disappeared.

Here's one I was going to put into the current issue of PN, but I forgot. We were going to have a cartoon illustrating 'Freudian slips': A patient shakes hands with Freud and says "Good morning, Professor Fraud"

(Google shows 8,000 matches for "Sigmund Fraud", so I suppose it wouldn't have been a very original joke anyway).

Here's another old fave of mine:

Before you judge somebody, first walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if things turn nasty you're a mile away and you've got his shoes.

Rick I've seen it written Fraud many times and done it myself a few before now. However equally prevalent is Fredu. Never Frued though. Odd.

On the subject of parapraxis - I was writing a piece of work concerning my personal experiences of training in therapy and I likened one element to 'a roller coaster ride'. Upon re-reading I'd written 'a roller coaster die'. Big deal? For some reason it unsettled me because for a moment I remembered the times when its all felt far too threatening.

I tell you, there really is some substance to these Freudian tits.




The old ones are the best.