Well, I can certainly relate to lamentations, though I don't know what the nature of yours are. I 'officially' lost my 'sanity' at the age of 25. I was hospitalized and put on all kinds of drugs since then. My life has never been the same. I was very depressed and lonely as a child. When I went to college at age 19 or 20, I had a momentary awakening and intensity that I felt in life. Mental illness and the drugs I was put on took all that away. I effectively had about 5-6 years of life and then psychological mortification afterward, as I had had before. I just want out of this world. I don't want to go either to heaven or hell. I just want to live the remainder of my life in comfort and then hopefully experience a tolerable death (if that's even possible in death). There's nothing more for me to realistically hope for or want out of life.Constantine wrote: ↑Sat Jul 22, 2023 3:54 pm The greatest, that few in my generation can match, but also some consolations.
Instrumental Music for Studying
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Gary Childress
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Re: Instrumental Music for Studying
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Constantine
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Re: Instrumental Music for Studying
That's the spirit.
I have severe anxiety and depression too and was technically mad for a few weeks after my mother died due to a psychotic break with reality. I've been rebuilding my mind since.... mostly focusing on assembling "error detection systems" back into a methodological consciousness.... as well as returning to old practices I used at various times to learn them.
If I can tell I'm doing something wrong within a impulse to act. I go back to memories of how I learned to navigate and learn how to think that way in the first place. And it takes time. I had to drop my hand copying for a few months and can only do half the load I once did in a time frame. I can't philosophically write right now on the topics I want. Too much of my mind winked out of existence suddenly in agony.
But I've done this before. I wrecked my knee in the military. After I returned to civilian life I went to railroad tracks I once taught myself to pace off of in my early teens for long distance running. Found my dominate leg then is now my weak leg. Rewalked it a few yards, then half of mile, then a mile. Didn't use my crutch, focused on walking without a limp and keeping a pace and stride. I never got back my old walking speed- which was super fast, now I walk slow, but I can walk 20-25 miles a day with a rucksack on once more. Most people give up long before they get to that point. And they won't do it back to back, much less find meaning and joy in it.
Trick is to take it at little bites, tear off a piece at a time and learn to rework it and make it functional in a predictable way. Find positive byproducts.
I myself am wondering if I can ever return to philosophy. I require a higher level of precision and accuracy and ingenuity than most can imagine. So the void is oppressive and worrisome. But it's my nature to rebuild while worrying. I have a sense of optimism in my pessimism. I wouldn't fuck with pessimism without a sense of searching for the better. I'll likely leave this forum once I feel my mind has returned to normal. Just judging my mind off the thought patterns of others and what I remembered of myself. I've made plenty of recovery but still fall well short. I couldn't host a philosophy debate in my current state. I'd get too flustered and confounded by simple dialectic turns and queries. I can go slow on my studies though and pull this off. Not all of my mind winked out.
I have severe anxiety and depression too and was technically mad for a few weeks after my mother died due to a psychotic break with reality. I've been rebuilding my mind since.... mostly focusing on assembling "error detection systems" back into a methodological consciousness.... as well as returning to old practices I used at various times to learn them.
If I can tell I'm doing something wrong within a impulse to act. I go back to memories of how I learned to navigate and learn how to think that way in the first place. And it takes time. I had to drop my hand copying for a few months and can only do half the load I once did in a time frame. I can't philosophically write right now on the topics I want. Too much of my mind winked out of existence suddenly in agony.
But I've done this before. I wrecked my knee in the military. After I returned to civilian life I went to railroad tracks I once taught myself to pace off of in my early teens for long distance running. Found my dominate leg then is now my weak leg. Rewalked it a few yards, then half of mile, then a mile. Didn't use my crutch, focused on walking without a limp and keeping a pace and stride. I never got back my old walking speed- which was super fast, now I walk slow, but I can walk 20-25 miles a day with a rucksack on once more. Most people give up long before they get to that point. And they won't do it back to back, much less find meaning and joy in it.
Trick is to take it at little bites, tear off a piece at a time and learn to rework it and make it functional in a predictable way. Find positive byproducts.
I myself am wondering if I can ever return to philosophy. I require a higher level of precision and accuracy and ingenuity than most can imagine. So the void is oppressive and worrisome. But it's my nature to rebuild while worrying. I have a sense of optimism in my pessimism. I wouldn't fuck with pessimism without a sense of searching for the better. I'll likely leave this forum once I feel my mind has returned to normal. Just judging my mind off the thought patterns of others and what I remembered of myself. I've made plenty of recovery but still fall well short. I couldn't host a philosophy debate in my current state. I'd get too flustered and confounded by simple dialectic turns and queries. I can go slow on my studies though and pull this off. Not all of my mind winked out.
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Constantine
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Constantine
- Posts: 409
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Constantine
- Posts: 409
- Joined: Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:34 am
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Constantine
- Posts: 409
- Joined: Sat Jun 17, 2023 12:34 am
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Constantine
- Posts: 409
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Constantine
- Posts: 409
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Constantine
- Posts: 409
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Constantine
- Posts: 409
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Constantine
- Posts: 409
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Re: Instrumental Music for Studying
Dark Cello Music: Relaxing deep meditation music, study music, melancholy, sad, background music
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0s5XXtJxYXM
Making great progress today, found a match in Hittite for the Roman Janus of the Sea. So happy.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=0s5XXtJxYXM
Making great progress today, found a match in Hittite for the Roman Janus of the Sea. So happy.
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Constantine
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Constantine
- Posts: 409
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Re: Instrumental Music for Studying
Hurrian Hymn no.6 - c.1400 B.C.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QpxN2VXPMLc
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=QpxN2VXPMLc
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Constantine
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Constantine
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