Two-spirited person problem

[artisticsolution]

For me the inability to have a womb, to have children is a very serious problem.

Hi Anna Sophia and welcome to the forum. My best friend from childhood also had this problem. She could not have children. It is a very serious problem for people who want to have children desperately.

[chaz wyman]

For me the inability to have a womb, to have children is a very serious problem.

Hi Anna Sophia and welcome to the forum. My best friend from childhood also had this problem. She could not have children. It is a very serious problem for people who want to have children desperately.

Was she a woman?

Speaking as a man I have learned to accept that the absence of a womb for me was a problem, a problem which enabled the mother of my child more rights than me over my son, and gave her the ability to demand money from me whilst denying me access.
Thankfully, going down on my knees (metaphorically), and debasing myself was eventually enough for me to continue with a great relationship with my son, and the absence of a womb was only of temporary significance, in the longue duree.
I've learned that not having a womb demonstrated how easily people will grasp onto any example of sexual discrimination to further their own ends, regardless of their general principles.

[chaz wyman]

Crap. My partner is as smart as me and has a better job. You are just a sexist. 

 
 
I'm probably as smart as you. So what's your point?  

Try reading, then I would not have to repeat myself. " I do feel that it is part of being female that you have to accept some kind of loss of social standing. " This is crap. This is just an example of your own persecution complex.
 
It is not about being smart. It is about being honest. 
 
I cannot be sexist if I'm talking about my feelings and about facts.

Wrong. That is like saying a black person can't be racist. Every gripe you have is about your attitude to sex.
 
How can be sexist what I feel inside about my gender identity?  

Because you define yourself and society wholly in those terms
 
The majority of my feminine traits make me weaker in direct competition with men. 
 
Oh, did I say something sacrilegious?  

No you are enjoying your persecution. Real women just get on with it. They turn their characteristics into advantages.
 
Like the truth?  

No, there is little truth in your words.
 

Your entire raison d'etre is concerned with your Sexism. 

 
 
The shocking truth is that males are not like females. And the truth is not sexism, only in undemocratic and brainwashed political systems, where telling the truth can be a moral sin.

A brainwashing which you seem to have swallowed whole.
 
You are wrong if you think that males are exactly like females.

No female is exactly like females and no male are exactly like males. You should know that.
You are validating a set of prejudices. Prejudices which you are applying to participate in your own oppression.

 
The female brain and female behavior is very distinctly not male. lol

QED.

Surprise!
Not really.
 

Not been able to have a baby makes you less of a woman is bullshit 

 
 
Sorry if you have a dog in this fight. If it is a personal trauma for you, I understand your feelings. 
 
But it won't make your point true. 
 
Being a "perfect" female is to have all the biological and mental properties of the majority of females. 
 
Like having a womb and having children. 

I know many great women who have no children. QED.
 

Okay Loretta, I'll fight for your right to have a baby eventhough you don't have a womb. 

 
 
Whoa, I'm hurt.  
 

And many is the woman that is unhappy with children. 

 
 
Yes, but it is an irrational instinct to give life. You can't understand this feeling. 

I have a child, do you?
I have sacrificed much for him, gladly.
 

DO you have a p****? yes - then you are a man.

 
 
So, if someone cuts a man's p****, he will become a woman? 

No.

Or after SRS I will be a woman? But not until it happens?

Neither. You are what you are. Surgery will only change the superficial. But you will always be what you are.
 

We are all weal when it is advantageous for us to be weak. 
If you are weal then you are not even a woman. 

 
 
I think sex and gender equality is getting ridiculous in some ways - it is just a stupid political propaganda. 

This bit is true. THen why are you not taking the obvious steps to overcome your conditioning?
 
Equality is a legal category. It means equal respect and equal possibilities, rights.

But even the law often differentiates between the two genders.

Yes, having a womb means you get all the rights to the child. I know that to my despair.
The trick is to accept the world as it is and make the best of it.
Changing the things you have power to change and accepting those you cannot

 
Equality does not mean that men=women. 

No shit.
 
Men and women demand the same rights and respect but with different treatment - how stupid is it to pretend that men and women want the same emotional state and role in society?

WHo are you arguing with?
The trick is to be comfortable with yourself, and you seem very far from that condition.

[anna_sophia]

Try reading, then I would not have to repeat myself.

I think this is the real problem: a male using aggression and arrogance instead of arguments against a female. Am I sexist because I find it rude?

" I do feel that it is part of being female that you have to accept some kind of loss of social standing. " This is crap. This is just an example of your own persecution complex.

Whoa, and your are talking about prejudices and sexism.

On one hand you are saying that there is no discrimination against women in society, on the other hand you are saying that I'm sexist and prejudiced. And I have a persecution complex too...lol

Read this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_ ... by_country

Would you please decide, that:

1.) I'm a bully
or
2.) I'm the victim
or
3.) I'm the bully, who has a persecution complex
or
4.) I have no problem at all (and you must know it, because you are omniscient)

Wrong. That is like saying a black person can't be racist. Every gripe you have is about your attitude to sex.

So if a black person says that in the US blacks have a lower average IQ than Asians, then he/she is a racist?

Can the truth be racist?

Can the truth be sexist?

Because you define yourself and society wholly in those terms

No, I'm not living in a dreamlike gender bubble ideology created by very clever political manipulators.

I experienced that how does it feel to live in a male role but being a female.

It is hard. I feel out of place. I feel weak and frustrated.

Remember, I'm not treated like a cisgender female.

I see the natural difference between myself and and a male.

I don't have illusions about direct competition. They are playing dirty and I'm getting hurt. They can't even feel if I'm playing dirty.

No you are enjoying your persecution. Real women just get on with it. They turn their characteristics into advantages.

That's just not working in a male body, believe me.

Empathy and reading emotions is great, but without bravery and aggression it won't help a lot.

You don't have any clue just how differently men are treating women.

No, there is little truth in your words.

Of course you are entitled of your opinion.

But what about the facts?

No female is exactly like females and no male are exactly like males. You should know that. You are validating a set of prejudices. Prejudices which you are applying to participate in your own oppression.

You don't want to understand the difference between prejudice and generalization.

Let me help you:

Prejudice (or foredeeming) is making a judgment or assumption about someone or something before having enough knowledge to be able to do so with guaranteed accuracy, or "judging a book by its cover".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prejudice

A generalization (or generalisation) of a concept is an extension of the concept to less-specific criteria. It is a foundational element of logic and human reasoning.[citation needed] Generalizations posit the existence of a domain or set of elements, as well as one or more common characteristics shared by those elements. As such, it is the essential basis of all valid deductive inferences.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalisation

See?

I know many great women who have no children.

I don't deny that. But it won't make them more feminine and they know it. And it hurts.

I have a child, do you?
I have sacrificed much for him, gladly.

Have you ever wanted to experience the feeling of being pregnant? The feeling of giving life?

Did your brain want these feelings desperately and irrationally?

If not, you don't know anything about what I'm feeling.

Neither. You are what you are. Surgery will only change the superficial. But you will always be what you are.

That's not true even in the most basic logical sense (in your future you won't be what you are in the present, because you cannot stop change), but I suspect you don't care about it anyway.

But yeah, I won't ever be a man, that much is true.

Yes, having a womb means you get all the rights to the child. I know that to my despair. The trick is to accept the world as it is and make the best of it. Changing the things you have power to change and accepting those you cannot

I'm sorry for your lost, but I don't know why bashing an unhappy and transsexual woman helps your problem.

But if it makes you happy, please feel free to do it.

WHo are you arguing with?
The trick is to be comfortable with yourself, and you seem very far from that condition.

No shit, really?

Wait a minute.

Let me guess: maybe because I'm in an ugly and hairy male body?

Oh, every woman would love this experience!

(OK, I'm not that ugly, but it takes time and a lot of effort lol).

[chaz wyman]

Try reading, then I would not have to repeat myself.

I think this is the real problem: a male using aggression and arrogance instead of arguments against a female. Am I sexist because I find it rude?

That is a sexist remark. It reveals you deep seated stereotyping.

" I do feel that it is part of being female that you have to accept some kind of loss of social standing. " This is crap. This is just an example of your own persecution complex.

Whoa, and your are talking about prejudices and sexism.

Exactly. I can see a person that is so obsessed with gender that s/he only sees a problem.
There are many careers where is it a positive advantage to be female.

On one hand you are saying that there is no discrimination against women in society, on the other hand you are saying that I'm sexist and prejudiced. And I have a persecution complex too...lol

There is no contradiction. I am not saying that. I am saying that there is discrimination - and YOU are the one doing it.

Read this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Women%27s_ ... by_country

It's horse for courses. Do you live in India? No.
Are you a woman, no.

Would you please decide, that:

1.) I'm a bully . You are bullying yourself.
or
2.) I'm the victim Self defined and self made.
or
3.) I'm the bully, who has a persecution complex . QED.
or
4.) I have no problem at all (and you must know it, because you are omniscient)

I can only judge from the surge of negativity from you.

Wrong. That is like saying a black person can't be racist. Every gripe you have is about your attitude to sex.

So if a black person says that in the US blacks have a lower average IQ than Asians, then he/she is a racist?

No he would probably be quoting statistics.

Can the truth be racist?

Whose truth?

Can the truth be sexist?


Whose truth? Your truth is sexist.

Because you define yourself and society wholly in those terms

No, I'm not living in a dreamlike gender bubble ideology created by very clever political manipulators.

No, but you are happily (or not so) participating in your own oppression.

I experienced that how does it feel to live in a male role but being a female.

You are certainly experiencing confusion. ANd nothing you are doing right now is helping you live with what you have.
So, I am of the opinion that you are willingly entering the role of victim in which you can only see the world as a problem.
This is a choice.


It is hard. I feel out of place. I feel weak and frustrated.

Many people do for many reasons. The only way you can avoid being weak is to first leave your old shoes at the door and find a new pathway.

Remember, I'm not treated like a cisgender female.

Clarify?

I see the natural difference between myself and and a male.

There are so many other people in your position that have come to terms with their situation. You need to find them and talk it over to see what practical advice they can give you.


I don't have illusions about direct competition. They are playing dirty and I'm getting hurt. They can't even feel if I'm playing dirty.
Who? How? You are not being clear on this.

No you are enjoying your persecution. Real women just get on with it. They turn their characteristics into advantages.

That's just not working in a male body, believe me.

But there are others. 2 minute ago I saw a gorgeous man dressed as a women out on the town.
DO you live in a red neck town or something?

Empathy and reading emotions is great, but without bravery and aggression it won't help a lot.
You don't have any clue just how differently men are treating women.

No, there is little truth in your words.

Of course you are entitled of your opinion.

But what about the facts?

No female is exactly like females and no male are exactly like males. You should know that. You are validating a set of prejudices. Prejudices which you are applying to participate in your own oppression.

You don't want to understand the difference between prejudice and generalization.
We all have our idiosyncrasies and all suffer from being on the outside. Some react by joining in, other by pulling away.
DO you know any other people that have similar problems like yourself?

Let me help you:

Prejudice (or foredeeming) is making a judgment or assumption about someone or something before having enough knowledge to be able to do so with guaranteed accuracy, or "judging a book by its cover".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prejudice

You've no need to be patronising. I'm not stupid as I think you know, but maybe you can get some value out of considering my analysis of what I am reading?

...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generalisation

I know many great women who have no children.

I don't deny that. But it won't make them more feminine and they know it. And it hurts.

No not at all. Getting yourself beat up about not being able to have a kid is really ridiculous in your position.
You need to deal with what you have , not with what you think you deserve.

I have a child, do you?
I have sacrificed much for him, gladly.

Have you ever wanted to experience the feeling of being pregnant? The feeling of giving life?

Get a life! I do not have a womb and neither do you. There are lots of things that I might otherwise have had, like a father that spent time with me, or a mother that cared, or a decent school to go to, or not to have to deal with a drunken step father etc...I grew up and learned to accept those problems because regrets are useless.
But one has to learn in life to play the hand you have, not the one you dream about
Did your brain want these feelings desperately and irrationally?

WHo does not want a caring parent? Let reason conquer your feeling.

If not, you don't know anything about what I'm feeling.

Neither. You are what you are. Surgery will only change the superficial. But you will always be what you are.

That's not true even in the most basic logical sense (in your future you won't be what you are in the present, because you cannot stop change), but I suspect you don't care about it anyway.

I have no idea where you are going with that.

But yeah, I won't ever be a man, that much is true.

No, your strict gender definition will not allow you to, like I said.
What the fuck is a man anyway?

Yes, having a womb means you get all the rights to the child. I know that to my despair. The trick is to accept the world as it is and make the best of it. Changing the things you have power to change and accepting those you cannot

I'm sorry for your lost, but I don't know why bashing an unhappy and transsexual woman helps your problem.

I'm not bashing you at all. I did not ultimately loose anything. I simply got on with it and made the best of it.
I don't know where you are from. My Grandmother who lived through the Blitz and lost a baby in WW2, learned to 'make the best of it', "Don't worry - have a cuppa" Your problems are nothing compared to billions of poverty stricken people the world over.

But if it makes you happy, please feel free to do it.

That persecution complex rearing its ugly head.

WHo are you arguing with?
The trick is to be comfortable with yourself, and you seem very far from that condition.

No shit, really?

Wait a minute.

Let me guess: maybe because I'm in an ugly and hairy male body?

You need to love yourself, before anyone else will love you.

Oh, every woman would love this experience!

(OK, I'm not that ugly, but it takes time and a lot of effort lol).

Well without seeing a picture of you I would not be able to judge.

[anna_sophia]

That is a sexist remark. It reveals you deep seated stereotyping.

I'm sorry, but the properties of most women are true stereotypes. It is a logical necessity. Without it there would be no "class of womanlike objects" lol.

I think insanity starts when someone tries to deny reality because of ideological reasons.

True stereotypes are called general properties, which are true in most cases.

It is not stereotyping, not "dogism", not prejudice to say that "dogs love bones".

Yes, to be a woman means that you are different from men. And you are like other women.

It is just so sad that some women think that they should deny their true nature and play a male role to get equal treatment.

They are not happy in the long run and they do not feel feminine in most cases.

Exactly. I can see a person that is so obsessed with gender that s/he only sees a problem.
There are many careers where is it a positive advantage to be female.

There is only one such a job: being a model.

In all other jobs men are better paid.

There is no contradiction. I am not saying that. I am saying that there is discrimination - and YOU are the one doing it.

So I am discriminating against myself? Because I'm talking about what I feel inside. I don't want anybody to accept my opinion and I don't care about how other women are thinking or behaving - I don't want to influence them.

But I can tell you: most women think like me, but they are not telling the truth publicly and not telling it to males or even to themselves.

Whose truth? Your truth is sexist.

If society is not sexist, then why should we need laws to protect women?

If society is sexist, what are the evolutionary and biological bases of it?

You are the victim or perpetrator of brainwashing delusions.

In either case you are ignoring historical, evolutionary and biological facts.

Last time a society did this, it fell apart - it was called the Soviet Union.

Please read the Animal Farm.

Females are biologically and mentally different from males.

Females, as a group must have general properties - so they have some general properties which are different from the general properties of males.

So there must be true stereotypes.

If someone denies this, he or she is insane and delusional.

It does not mean that males are superior - it is stupid to ask which is the superior, the apple or the orange?

But it does not mean that apples are oranges.

No, but you are happily (or not so) participating in your own oppression.

You don't understand my problem. I'm oppressed because I'm not treated like a woman.

If men were treated like women, I should have no problem living in a male body.

You are certainly experiencing confusion. ANd nothing you are doing right now is helping you live with what you have.
So, I am of the opinion that you are willingly entering the role of victim in which you can only see the world as a problem.
This is a choice.

You really can't understand what I'm talking about, can you? You are thinking like a man.

I suspect you haven't got the slightest clue what I'm feeling.

Many people do for many reasons. The only way you can avoid being weak is to first leave your old shoes at the door and find a new pathway.

You won't ever understand what I feel. This is like talking about colors to a blind person.

Can I say blind person or is it racist, sexists or "anti-blindpersonist" too?

Is it a false stereotype to say that blind people can't see?

I'm getting very confused now.

We should ban the truth because it so much better to live in sweet lies and delusions.

The truth is so rude, isn't it?

Let's say that there are no blind people anymore, only those who probably will be able to see in the future.

We are all the same!

Clarify?

This shows that you don't even understand how men and women are treated differently in society. And they love it!

I see the natural difference between myself and and a male.
There are so many other people in your position that have come to terms with their situation. You need to find them and talk it over to see what practical advice they can give you.

Like the nearly 30% of transsexuals who commits suicide if there is no help for them?

Who? How? You are not being clear on this.

As a "male" I don't like stress, I don't like aggressive and disruptive behavior, it feels not right.

But there are others. 2 minute ago I saw a gorgeous man dressed as a women out on the town.
DO you live in a red neck town or something?

Or something lol. I don't want to elaborate.

You've no need to be patronising. I'm not stupid as I think you know, but maybe you can get some value out of considering my analysis of what I am reading?

Sorry, I don't think you are stupid but you are repeating a very vulgar form of liberal ultra-feminism. Women are not like that.

No not at all. Getting yourself beat up about not being able to have a kid is really ridiculous in your position.
You need to deal with what you have , not with what you think you deserve.

What you don't seem to understand is that I cannot choose what I desire. It is not about logical thinking.

Do you think is it logical that I like to wear nail polish? Or I like pretty dresses? I just like those things. I want those things.

Get a life! I do not have a womb and neither do you. There are lots of things that I might otherwise have had, like a father that spent time with me, or a mother that cared, or a decent school to go to, or not to have to deal with a drunken step father etc...I grew up and learned to accept those problems because regrets are useless.
But one has to learn in life to play the hand you have, not the one you dream about
Did your brain want these feelings desperately and irrationally?

Yes, my brain wants a female body and a female social role.

Because I'm a transsexual, remember?

It is not about a sad childhood it is about a constant conflict between my desires, instincts and my social role and my body.

No, your strict gender definition will not allow you to, like I said.
What the fuck is a man anyway?

A man is somebody, who is considering himself a man and happy living as one.

Someone who is not like me.

I'm not bashing you at all. I did not ultimately loose anything. I simply got on with it and made the best of it.
I don't know where you are from. My Grandmother who lived through the Blitz and lost a baby in WW2, learned to 'make the best of it', "Don't worry - have a cuppa" Your problems are nothing compared to billions of poverty stricken people the world over.

I'm saying that it is not unbearable to be a transsexual, but it it is a constant burden and almost without any pause. It is a constant, low level disphoria.

That persecution complex rearing its ugly head.

No, it is not that.

I'm just brave enough to confess that sometimes I would enjoy a more submissive, more passive role.

You wrote about my pierced ears and the loss of male authority that "You want your cake and eat it.".

I know that it is hard to understand but actually - even if I feel shame and degradation - it makes me happier to experience this feeling.

It is not persecution complex, it just the desire of not to be treated like a man.

Maybe I'm desperate because I was never treated like a woman.

Well without seeing a picture of you I would not be able to judge.

Sorry, that wouldn't be appropriate, but it feels really nice that you kind of asked for my picture.

[chaz wyman]

That is a sexist remark. It reveals you deep seated stereotyping.

I'm sorry, but the properties of most women are true stereotypes. It is a logical necessity. Without it there would be no "class of womanlike objects" lol.

And yet you ought to realise that the move to sexual and gender liberation that we have enjoyed in the last 50 years has been enabled by the challenge from feminism by those very stereotypes.
The simple fact that you are less likely to get beaten and ridiculed in public is due to the fact that feminism has re-written those stereotypes to enable a safer environment for rainbow os social gender assignments.
It is a sad irony that you feel you need to adhere to the old model when you have so clearly benefited from its challenge.

I think insanity starts when someone tries to deny reality because of ideological reasons.

True stereotypes are called general properties, which are true in most cases.

It is not stereotyping, not "dogism", not prejudice to say that "dogs love bones".

I think humans are far more complicated that the food that attracts them.
Actually dogs are least interested in bones that any other type of food. The reason we associate dogs and bones it that in times gone by was because dogs were fed on the scraps. That is a case of economic a social definition based on an age old prejudice- Sounds familiar?

Yes, to be a woman means that you are different from men. And you are like other women.

You are neither. You are what you are. But so is everybody else. Identification is a choice. But the reality of your situation is not.
You are truly trapped in your own prejudice.
I do not think I am going to be able to help you.

It is just so sad that some women think that they should deny their true nature and play a male role to get equal treatment.

If human nature were that significant then we would not have witnessed the massive changes and the major differences across cultures.
There is no human nature, only human culture.
You love your categories but have not got one for yourself to fit into.


They are not happy in the long run and they do not feel feminine in most cases.

Exactly. I can see a person that is so obsessed with gender that s/he only sees a problem.
There are many careers where is it a positive advantage to be female.

There is only one such a job: being a model.

Teaching is dominated by women, so are many areas of social care. Charities, International Aid. Fashion retail.
What work do you do?

In all other jobs men are better paid.

There is no contradiction. I am not saying that. I am saying that there is discrimination - and YOU are the one doing it.

So I am discriminating against myself? Because I'm talking about what I feel inside. I don't want anybody to accept my opinion and I don't care about how other women are thinking or behaving - I don't want to influence them.

No, because you have painted yourself into a corner ideologically.

But I can tell you: most women think like me, but they are not telling the truth publicly and not telling it to males or even to themselves.

You have no access to the thought of most women. You are using your imagination.

Whose truth? Your truth is sexist.

No, but you are happily (or not so) participating in your own oppression.

You don't understand my problem. I'm oppressed because I'm not treated like a woman.

You are oppressed because you are treated like an woman and oppressed because you are not treated like a woman.
You are not open to any solutions. I cannot help you, as you do not want to help yourself.

If men were treated like women, I should have no problem living in a male body.

You are confused.

You are certainly experiencing confusion. ANd nothing you are doing right now is helping you live with what you have.
So, I am of the opinion that you are willingly entering the role of victim in which you can only see the world as a problem.
This is a choice.

You really can't understand what I'm talking about, can you? You are thinking like a man.

I suspect you haven't got the slightest clue what I'm feeling.

I know exactly what it feels like to be in a position of victim . The solution is to get out of it, or dwell on it and turn to the world are say the world is wrong. The problem is that you are not interested in a strategy where you can fit yourself into a world you find alien.
You are taking the easy way out. It is easy to blame everything else, but not yourself.
You can't change the whole world- so work with it sister!

Many people do for many reasons. The only way you can avoid being weak is to first leave your old shoes at the door and find a new pathway.

You won't ever understand what I feel. This is like talking about colors to a blind person.

You are now sounding like a little girl in the corner with her fingers in her ears sweeeeming!!! And stamping her foot.

Can I say blind person or is it racist, sexists or "anti-blindpersonist" too?

Is it a false stereotype to say that blind people can't see?

I'm getting very confused now.

We should ban the truth because it so much better to live in sweet lies and delusions.

The truth is so rude, isn't it?

Let's say that there are no blind people anymore, only those who probably will be able to see in the future.

We are all the same!

Clarify?

This shows that you don't even understand how men and women are treated differently in society. And they love it!

If I am so stupid and ignorant, then why are you continuing with this conversation?

I see the natural difference between myself and and a male.
There are so many other people in your position that have come to terms with their situation. You need to find them and talk it over to see what practical advice they can give you.

Like the nearly 30% of transsexuals who commits suicide if there is no help for them?

Yes, accept the world the way it is and live with it. Drop a line to Gok Wan!

Who? How? You are not being clear on this.

As a "male" I don't like stress, I don't like aggressive and disruptive behavior, it feels not right.

But there are others. 2 minute ago I saw a gorgeous man dressed as a women out on the town.
DO you live in a red neck town or something?

Or something lol. I don't want to elaborate.

You've no need to be patronising. I'm not stupid as I think you know, but maybe you can get some value out of considering my analysis of what I am reading?

Sorry, I don't think you are stupid but you are repeating a very vulgar form of liberal ultra-feminism. Women are not like that.

No not at all. Getting yourself beat up about not being able to have a kid is really ridiculous in your position.
You need to deal with what you have , not with what you think you deserve.

What you don't seem to understand is that I cannot choose what I desire. It is not about logical thinking.

Do you think is it logical that I like to wear nail polish? Or I like pretty dresses? I just like those things. I want those things.

So do it! A friend of mine in Wales went from Bob to Selene overnight, and relation of mine in the USA went as far as a full op.
They got on with their life.
They are happy with their choices. Why aren't you? Are you ashamed? Are you religious?
Coming out involves exposure. You have said nothing about yourself.
DOn't complain that I do not know how you feel when you have been mute of key points.

Get a life! I do not have a womb and neither do you. There are lots of things that I might otherwise have had, like a father that spent time with me, or a mother that cared, or a decent school to go to, or not to have to deal with a drunken step father etc...I grew up and learned to accept those problems because regrets are useless.
But one has to learn in life to play the hand you have, not the one you dream about
Did your brain want these feelings desperately and irrationally?

Yes, my brain wants a female body and a female social role.

Because I'm a transsexual, remember?

It is not about a sad childhood it is about a constant conflict between my desires, instincts and my social role and my body.
You problem is because of the way you conceive yourself. Clearly you need to challenge those gender roles that are at the heart of your conflict.I just get the feeling you are actually happier with the conflict.

No, your strict gender definition will not allow you to, like I said.
What the fuck is a man anyway?

A man is somebody, who is considering himself a man and happy living as one.

And you are a transexual that need to find the happiness of your own self. So figure out why gender definitions at the heart of your conflict do not actually apply to you.

Someone who is not like me.

I'm not bashing you at all. I did not ultimately loose anything. I simply got on with it and made the best of it.
I don't know where you are from. My Grandmother who lived through the Blitz and lost a baby in WW2, learned to 'make the best of it', "Don't worry - have a cuppa" Your problems are nothing compared to billions of poverty stricken people the world over.

I'm saying that it is not unbearable to be a transsexual, but it it is a constant burden and almost without any pause. It is a constant, low level disphoria.

That persecution complex rearing its ugly head.

No, it is not that.

I'm just brave enough to confess that sometimes I would enjoy a more submissive, more passive role.

You wrote about my pierced ears and the loss of male authority that "You want your cake and eat it.".

I know that it is hard to understand but actually - even if I feel shame and degradation - it makes me happier to experience this feeling.

It is not persecution complex, it just the desire of not to be treated like a man.

Maybe I'm desperate because I was never treated like a woman.

~You need to get out and talk to other people with conflicted gender roles that have got through it.

Well without seeing a picture of you I would not be able to judge.

Sorry, that wouldn't be appropriate, but it feels really nice that you kind of asked for my picture.

Anyway, mull over what I said. This is my honest perspective given what I have read on this thread. Maybe it will give you a few clues to your problem as alternative perspectives often do.
But it seem to me that you just need to be yourself and brazen it out. You have a right to exist, so don't let anyone put you down.

[anna_sophia]

I just get the feeling you are actually happier with the conflict.

I think I'm just happy right now to be able to express my problems and yes, after years of denial it makes me free and happy.

I'm not happy because I'm transsexual, I'm happy because I'm able to tell it to the world and I'm not denying it anymore.

But on the other hand although it is making me somehow free, I'm really scared because I don't know what I'm and I don't know what to do.

I can't really decide what to do and it makes me agitated.

I'm quite sure that sexual reassignment surgery - if it is well done - would make me happy and content.

But I'm scared about the risks - what if it won't succeed?

I'm scarred of major operations, plastic surgery.

It would take years of suffering and a lot of money.

I would probably lose a lot of friends, family.

I don't want to be an ugly, second class woman.

So it is probably fear and weakness that makes me seemingly "happy" - I'm happy that I had the courage to come out and I'm happy that I don't have to undergo SRS.

On the other hand I know that I would only find my peace after SRS.

I suspect it is hard to understand...and hard to relate to.

[chaz wyman]

I just get the feeling you are actually happier with the conflict.

I think I'm just happy right now to be able to express my problems and yes, after years of denial it makes me free and happy.

I'm not happy because I'm transsexual, I'm happy because I'm able to tell it to the world and I'm not denying it anymore.

But on the other hand although it is making me somehow free, I'm really scared because I don't know what I'm and I don't know what to do.

I can't really decide what to do and it makes me agitated.

I'm quite sure that sexual reassignment surgery - if it is well done - would make me happy and content.

But I'm scared about the risks - what if it won't succeed?

I'm scarred of major operations, plastic surgery.

It would take years of suffering and a lot of money.

I would probably lose a lot of friends, family.

I don't want to be an ugly, second class woman.

So it is probably fear and weakness that makes me seemingly "happy" - I'm happy that I had the courage to come out and I'm happy that I don't have to undergo SRS.

On the other hand I know that I would only find my peace after SRS.

I suspect it is hard to understand...and hard to relate to.

I think you are doing great.
You've put up with some pretty tough questions from me. You should take heart in that and stay strong.
You are what you is.
Don't be too hard on yourself by trying to live up to ideal stereotypes
No one is perfect. No one can be the ideal.
Very brave. Stay free!
GO GIRL!

[The Voice of Time]

Alright, so I feel as though I am two-spirited. I believe that I could fulfill the role of either husband or wife, and I have characteristics generally considered female (such as artist/creative qualities, I am always smiling, and when I am around women, I feel like I can relate very well to them). I also have characteristics which are mainly male (such as my logical thinking mind, male bathroom habits (ie, not spending much time on appearance and such)) Also, I can relate very well to them as well. I am also biologically male.

Here is the problem though. I am pansexual (ie, I can be attracted to anyone despite gender or sexual orientation). The problem is that I am also attracting people despite their sexual orientation. At work, there are a couple cases of people who I feel as though we randomly locked eyes with each other while we were talking with each other, and now things are a little weird. Let me expand.

-Locked eyes with heterosexual man -- now things have gotten weird between us -- he is now questioning his sexuality (I am positive he is straight though). I can tell he is questioning his sexuality because at every possible opportunity, he has been projecting how bad it would be to be gay (such as suck dick and such) (more as a joke form though). The way he says it though, I can see he is saying it because of what he is feeling inside. Plus, he only started doing this after we locked eyes, never before, almost as though he is trying to strengthen his belief in his sexuality. I am going to speak to him though. He is a good friend, and I would hate for this to get in the way of our friendship. He is the type of person that would get the concept of a two-spirited person, and I don't believe he would blab about it because I doubt he would ever want to repeat the conversation again.
-Locked eyes with 3 lesbians (1 butch, 2 femme) -- butch lesbian has become very avoiding, 2 femme lesbians have been trying to get closer to me (1 has started giving me hugs every time I come into work, and the other buys pastries for me, and tells me which ones are her favorite, and that I should try it).
-Heterosexual boss (cannot recall locking eyes with him or not) has small crush on me (gets very flustered when around me or talking to me -- and treats me differently to all the other guys (in a good way though)).
-Heterosexual girl has also somewhat formed a crush on me after we locked eyes. Before the eye lock, we never talked or anything, and she kind of avoided me. Now she always calls me by my full first name (I have a shorter form of my first name which I commonly use), and she always gives me a huge smile and she introduced me to one of her friends like I was "all that", if you get what I mean by that.

And every time I lock eyes with the other person, it is hard to explain, but it is like a moment of pure peace and tranquility (pretty much the feeling of love at first site) looking into the other person's eyes -- guaranteed to be mutual because of how they reacted above shortly after the eye lock.

I was wondering what I should do with the above situation.

Another thing is, I feel as though I have the need to become a woman (I don't have the desire to do so permanently, but just to experience what it is like to be physically female, to experience receiving vaginal sex, I have the need to experience child birth as well (although I know it can never happen). It isn't even as though I would want to remain a female, because I know that I would then miss having a penis if I did change over, however, I do feel as though my female spirit is dominating my male spirit, which could be the cause for it (even though I am happy being, and remaining a man). It is just a thought that keeps recurring every once and a while, and when it occurs, I cannot get it out of my head.

So, I need some advice. If you have any, please let me hear it.

I would also like to be a woman, but just because I'm curious, not due to an identity. For instance I think it would be awesome to have a vaginal or clitoral orgasm, but it doesn't mean the same as that I want to stop having a penis. I simply just wants to know how it feels like, which would increase my understanding and empathy of the counterpart. I'd reckon sex with empathy, that is knowing that your girl is having an awesome time, is better than not.

I've always liked the company of women, but I'd say it got nothing to do with atypical sexual orientation, rather, I like sniffing girls hair, feeling their skin and all that stuff which is quite natural for a guy to feel. Connecting with women got nothing to do with an atypical sexual orientation. Some men DO think that women are mainly for fucking and buying nice presents to, or some other similarly "role-dependant" situation. But guess what, women are more than that! And if you are connecting with a women I'd say it's more because you see the persons as they are, or in other words, you have empathy.

After watching lesbian porn-movies I always feel a strong sexual empathy with lesbian girls, or other girls for that matter, and that it is because I've noticed them as they enjoy themselves and thereby recall this when I see them. But I would warn you that lesbian girls usually stay lesbian, and that you should be warned about not over-emphasizing their relations to you. Some lesbians for instance could do with a "dude"-friend, but that does not mean they want you between their legs (of course, some girls are bi-sexual and skipped to quickly onto their lesbianism, but the older they are the less likely I find them to be that case, also this case is rather rare by my limited experience).

As for guys it could be that they're simply treating you nicely. Ever heard of Bromance for instance? It's a kind of romance between a guy and a guy but who aren't gay, but may appear gay, like a friendship with expanded boundaries, but where usual symbols of sexual attraction or nudity or even sadomasochism, like typical depictions in movies, your "eye-locking" for instance, are treated non-sexual, alternatively just childishly playful acts. If the guy spanks your buttocks do not interpret it as that he meant "drop your pants" next ^^ He probably just did it because he's playful.

Guys can even play gay, but that doesn't mean they want a cock in their ass. For instance, at my secondary school I was making a movie as part of the activities, and for the ending of the movie we had two straight guys sitting holding each other pretending gay and kissing each other on the chin. Another event involved one of them peeing on another guy to irritate him in the shower. I have no doubt that neither the peeing guy nor the two sitting in my film were anything else than childishly playful.

It is also not abnormal for heterosexual Hollywood actors to play homosexuals.

[reasonemotion]

Anna Sophia

As a transsexual woman it is obvious to me that gender is not learned, it is not a sociological entity. It is a neurobiological state of the brain.

and you would be correct. As a heterosexual woman, I am attracted to men. I have no problem, objection or negative attitudes to males who want to dress in female clothing. Some are quite stunning in their appearance, but it always gets down to the inner self. Men can fashion a vagina, inflate their breasts, shave their legs, paint their nails and coiffure their hair, wear sexy underwear and perfume are you getting a picture of what I am describing? It is not just the physical appearance, it is also a feeling, an understanding from a woman's point of view. An innate confidence. It is a chemical state of the mind and a hormonal state of the body. To see men trying to be women and I say this without malice Anna, it is amusing to some women, simply because of the sheer impossibility it poses, but that should not mean that if you feel you are "half woman" that you should not pursue this, but please refrain from surgery, as you are missing the point about women, it is an essence not a vagina. I am not a doctor of medicine so my descriptions are purely base, but to say that if you adorn a man with female clothing and accessories, shape a vagina from a penis, insert silicone breasts, makes him a woman, believe me, it takes much much more than that. Sometimes its tough being a woman, but most of the time it is amazing.

Take the time to admire your body, men are amazingly beautiful too!

Petite amie bonne chance!