Who picks who in a relationship?

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duszek
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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by duszek » Mon Apr 10, 2017 6:41 pm

You can pick just a moment of a nice illusion, and run away with it before the truth sets in and destroys it.

Moments are the best anyway.
That´s why I try to keep them in my memory and to put them down somehow in my "diary".
It´s not easy though.

duszek
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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by duszek » Mon Apr 10, 2017 6:43 pm

Harbal wrote:
duszek wrote:Is Catherine Townsend known in the UK ?
She is supposedly a columnist in the Independent.

I happened to pick her book from a shelf full of free books
Books don't count, it has to be a person in order to qualify as a relationship.
She is not someone I could pick. She writes about dating and picking in the UK.
She is straight and so am I.

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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by duszek » Mon Apr 10, 2017 6:47 pm

I have observed that men try to pick a buddy sometimes. For non-erotic purposes.

They try to impress the target by their expertise etc.
Recently I kind of helped a man to pick a buddy, I even suggested him to him.
It was conspiratorial in a way.

We never discussed it openly, of course.
A real man cannot admit a need of a buddy, it is a sort of weakness.

I realize that a female buddy for a man is not quite the same thing.

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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by duszek » Mon Apr 10, 2017 6:49 pm

.

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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by duszek » Wed Apr 12, 2017 2:16 pm

There is this famous "playing hard to get" tactics.

People who are cautious and easily tired are naturally hard to get. They don´t need to play anything, they can be as they are.

If they wait long enough they see only the most skilled candidates in the final round.

You can of course remain hard to get for ever.
The only thing you need to do is to preserve the mood of the competitors.
It works if you remain enigmatic and polite.

Ms Townsend reports in one of her books that what a man (in the UK) wants is a pretty girl who is happy to see him.
This is a wonderful piece of knowledge.
If you want to keep a man as an "admirer" you greet him with a beaming smile whenever you see him, if you want to get rid of him you give him a Clint Eastwood grim as often as possible.

Men ARE simple.

duszek
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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by duszek » Wed Apr 12, 2017 3:24 pm

The best is when two people play hard to get with each other.
Then they can learn from each other and appreciate the other one´s moves.

It´s like Bobby Fisher playing with Kasparov.

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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by vegetariantaxidermy » Wed Apr 12, 2017 6:09 pm

duszek wrote:There is this famous "playing hard to get" tactics.

People who are cautious and easily tired are naturally hard to get. They don´t need to play anything, they can be as they are.

If they wait long enough they see only the most skilled candidates in the final round.

You can of course remain hard to get for ever.
The only thing you need to do is to preserve the mood of the competitors.
It works if you remain enigmatic and polite.

Ms Townsend reports in one of her books that what a man (in the UK) wants is a pretty girl who is happy to see him.

This is a wonderful piece of knowledge.
If you want to keep a man as an "admirer" you greet him with a beaming smile whenever you see him, if you want to get rid of him you give him a Clint Eastwood grim as often as possible.

Men ARE simple.
Ridiculously over-simplified. It doesn't take into account power games. Or the fact that it's up to the man to ensure that the woman really is happy to see him. Not much point in beaming away at some miserable git who barely acknowledges that you share real estate space.
And then there's the 'treat them mean' cliche, which is often true (and for both sexes...oops, sorry, I mean every sex you can think of), but there is a catch. The 'mean' party is required to possess abundant sexual energy and allure for it to have any useful effect. There's no point in being 'mean' when the object of your desire can't stand the sight of you anyway. And you can't go on being 'mean and broody' forever. Eventually you have to do something nice or even the most ardent 'bad boy' addict will get bored eventually. Timing is crucial.

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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by duszek » Wed Apr 12, 2017 6:33 pm

You over simplify too.

Everyone makes generalizations based on one´s own personal experiences.

What works in my case, may not work in another person´s case.

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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by vegetariantaxidermy » Wed Apr 12, 2017 7:23 pm

duszek wrote:You over simplify too.

Everyone makes generalizations based on one´s own personal experiences.

What works in my case, may not work in another person´s case.
I don't see where. I was pointing out that it's a lot more complex than the quote. The opposite of simplifying.

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Harbal
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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by Harbal » Wed Apr 12, 2017 7:30 pm

vegetariantaxidermy wrote: It doesn't take into account power games. Or the fact that it's up to the man to ensure that the woman really is happy to see him. Not much point in beaming away at some miserable git who barely acknowledges that you share real estate space.
And then there's the 'treat them mean' cliche, which is often true (and for both sexes...oops, sorry, I mean every sex you can think of), but there is a catch. The 'mean' party is required to possess abundant sexual energy and allure for it to have any useful effect. There's no point in being 'mean' when the object of your desire can't stand the sight of you anyway. And you can't go on being 'mean and broody' forever. Eventually you have to do something nice or even the most ardent 'bad boy' addict will get bored eventually. Timing is crucial.
Who says romance is dead? :)

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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by vegetariantaxidermy » Wed Apr 12, 2017 7:35 pm

Harbal wrote:
vegetariantaxidermy wrote: It doesn't take into account power games. Or the fact that it's up to the man to ensure that the woman really is happy to see him. Not much point in beaming away at some miserable git who barely acknowledges that you share real estate space.
And then there's the 'treat them mean' cliche, which is often true (and for both sexes...oops, sorry, I mean every sex you can think of), but there is a catch. The 'mean' party is required to possess abundant sexual energy and allure for it to have any useful effect. There's no point in being 'mean' when the object of your desire can't stand the sight of you anyway. And you can't go on being 'mean and broody' forever. Eventually you have to do something nice or even the most ardent 'bad boy' addict will get bored eventually. Timing is crucial.
Who says romance is dead? :)
What do you mean?

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Harbal
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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by Harbal » Wed Apr 12, 2017 7:48 pm

vegetariantaxidermy wrote: What do you mean?
Well it is a bit cynical, VT, although I do think you've summed it up pretty accurately.

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vegetariantaxidermy
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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by vegetariantaxidermy » Wed Apr 12, 2017 8:04 pm

Harbal wrote:
vegetariantaxidermy wrote: What do you mean?
Well it is a bit cynical, VT, although I do think you've summed it up pretty accurately.
No it's not. Would it have been more 'romantic' for me to say that all women love men who treat them like crap? Plenty of people say it. I'm the one saying that there is a lot more to it, and people are a lot more complex than that. I also said it works both ways. If someone really desires a person then they are obviously likely to put a with a lot more crap than they would from anyone else. As for my 'beaming' comment, that's a two-way street. A woman is hardly going to feel like 'beaming' at someone if she's simmering with resentment over his indifference/unkindness/insensitivity...
Last edited by vegetariantaxidermy on Wed Apr 12, 2017 8:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Harbal
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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by Harbal » Wed Apr 12, 2017 8:13 pm

vegetariantaxidermy wrote: No it's not. Would it have been more 'romantic' for me to say that all women love men who treat them like crap? Plenty of people say it. I'm the one saying that there is a lot more to it, and people are a lot more complex than that. I also said it works both ways. If someone really desires a person then they are obviously likely to put a with a lot more crap than they would from anyone else.
I'm not disagreeing with you at all, VT, I think you're right. I just think it's a shame that people do this to one another.

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Re: Who picks who in a relationship?

Post by vegetariantaxidermy » Wed Apr 12, 2017 8:15 pm

Harbal wrote:
vegetariantaxidermy wrote: No it's not. Would it have been more 'romantic' for me to say that all women love men who treat them like crap? Plenty of people say it. I'm the one saying that there is a lot more to it, and people are a lot more complex than that. I also said it works both ways. If someone really desires a person then they are obviously likely to put a with a lot more crap than they would from anyone else.
I'm not disagreeing with you at all, VT, I think you're right. I just think it's a shame that people do this to one another.
There are plenty of couples who don't. And some people get bored with getting along all the time. They need a bit of drama in their love lives plus, when you have jealousy in the mix which most relationships do at some point, you are going to get fireworks. And there are even some who masochistically enjoy the feeling of jealousy. That's not 'cynical'. It's just true.

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