Your expectations of me are unrealistic

[MozartLink]

I have lived with depression and anhedonia for quite some time now. Many people would tell me that my life can still have joy, inspiration, and meaning even while depressed and anhedonic. But I have tried and tried to no avail. It is utter nonsense to me for anyone to say that because living like that is nothing more than living like a lifeless statue set in motion doing my hobbies and living my life. That is no way to live and that is no way to do my hobbies. There is literally no joy, meaning, inspiration, happiness, etc. in such a way of life and I have absolutely no idea what these people are talking about. I tried everything I possibly could with my life to make it worth living and to bring it joy, but nothing works.

Even though I am typing this out and even though you might say something to me such as that typing this out is making my life worth living, it is not. There is a big difference between just doing something like a lifeless statue set in motion as opposed to something actually making your life worth living and bringing your life joy, inspiration, happiness, etc. Therefore, typing this out and doing anything else in my life does not make my life worth living. I need my happiness, motivation, inspiration, and joy back to me to make everything in my life worth living again. I realize that there are unpleasant feelings of motivation such as fear, but those types of motivation do not bring my life any joy, happiness, or meaning either.

I have honestly concluded from all these years of personal experience with depression and anhedonia that there is no other form of happiness, joy, inspiration, and meaning for me. My non-depressed and non-anhedonic state of happiness and enjoyment is truly the only thing that can ever bring my life joy, happiness, and meaning. So how can anyone blame me for that and how can anyone call me names such as selfish, cowardly, childish, etc.? Everyone's experiences are different and, for some people, their happiness and enjoyment is the only experience that can ever make their lives worth living regardless of how selfish or selfless they are. It just all comes down to the fact that everyone's brains and experiences are different.

This is my final note to everyone here. I am officially done with life. I am not going to bother anymore.

[mickthinks]

Dear MozartLink, you are clearly a very intelligent guy, and I find much in what you write to agree with. I would normally take up one or two of the more important things I disagree with. But I think it is more important to say this.

You are clearly in urgent need of professional counselling for depression. Please don't allow yourself to believe that an intention to kill yourself is a healthy response to your feelings of despair. It isn't healthy, and there are people whose job and skill it is to get you back to a happier healthier state of mind. Please go and find them and ask them to listen to you. If you have had help before, then know that the problem has returned and you need help again. Please do it today. Please do it before you do anything else. Don't even stop to reply to this message.

Come back when you have been helped to feel better.

First posted Fri Jan 15, 2016

[Arising_uk]

I seriously doubt we have any expectations of you, let alone unrealistic ones.

[TSBU]

I have honestly concluded from all these years of personal experience with depression and anhedonia that there is no other form of happiness, joy, inspiration, and meaning for me. My non-depressed and non-anhedonic state of happiness and enjoyment is truly the only thing that can ever bring my life joy, happiness, and meaning. So how can anyone blame me for that and how can anyone call me names such as selfish, cowardly, childish, etc.? Everyone's experiences are different and, for some people, their happiness and enjoyment is the only experience that can ever make their lives worth living regardless of how selfish or selfless they are. It just all comes down to the fact that everyone's brains and experiences are different.

Because they are zombies too, but they've learnt to avoid thinking in it, so when a person is trying to get out of that state, it reminds them to their own cowardy, etc. That's one possible answer, or, the other, that they've treated with many zombies, and you seem similar to them. All we learn about people is from other people mostly, I "know" the meaning attached to your words because I've heard other people using the same words.

This is my final note to everyone here. I am officially done with life. I am not going to bother anymore.

Geting out of this forum would be seen as a "antizombie" move. But the part about being "done" with your life... there are possibly still many things to try, and it sounds like a suicide warning. If that's the case... Why are you saying it? You are certeanly searching for something, being understood, being helped, or solving your problem is in itself a search for meaning, so you are probably not "done" yet. And... you are not bothering, there are many people here posting useless garbage for everyone, at least you seek something for yourself, don't pay attention to trolls.
Enjoy the rest of your life, wether it is long or not, you are going to die at the end... if you are going to kill yourself... I don't know, make something funny, with risk... this reminds me of a Verne book, but I can't say the title in Enlgish: pay an assasin to kill you, go to a dangerous place with a sword in your hand and say use your anger, you seem to have anger don't you?
Take a camera with you in a helmet or something.

We will never know you in a forum, so we won't be able to help a lot.

[MozartLink]

I have honestly concluded from all these years of personal experience with depression and anhedonia that there is no other form of happiness, joy, inspiration, and meaning for me. My non-depressed and non-anhedonic state of happiness and enjoyment is truly the only thing that can ever bring my life joy, happiness, and meaning. So how can anyone blame me for that and how can anyone call me names such as selfish, cowardly, childish, etc.? Everyone's experiences are different and, for some people, their happiness and enjoyment is the only experience that can ever make their lives worth living regardless of how selfish or selfless they are. It just all comes down to the fact that everyone's brains and experiences are different.

Because they are zombies too, but they've learnt to avoid thinking in it, so when a person is trying to get out of that state, it reminds them to their own cowardy, etc. That's one possible answer, or, the other, that they've treated with many zombies, and you seem similar to them. All we learn about people is from other people mostly, I "know" the meaning attached to your words because I've heard other people using the same words.

This is my final note to everyone here. I am officially done with life. I am not going to bother anymore.

Geting out of this forum would be seen as a "antizombie" move. But the part about being "done" with your life... there are possibly still many things to try, and it sounds like a suicide warning. If that's the case... Why are you saying it? You are certeanly searching for something, being understood, being helped, or solving your problem is in itself a search for meaning, so you are probably not "done" yet. And... you are not bothering, there are many people here posting useless garbage for everyone, at least you seek something for yourself, don't pay attention to trolls.
Enjoy the rest of your life, wether it is long or not, you are going to die at the end... if you are going to kill yourself... I don't know, make something funny, with risk... this reminds me of a Verne book, but I can't say the title in Enlgish: pay an assasin to kill you, go to a dangerous place with a sword in your hand and say use your anger, you seem to have anger don't you?
Take a camera with you in a helmet or something.

We will never know you in a forum, so we won't be able to help a lot.

I don't care how weak, cowardly, strong, or brave I am as a person. Living my life like this is nothing more than a waste of my time. Such a life is not worth living to me at all and I would end it right now, but am still seeking out treatment in the hopes that I can get my life back to me again.

[Hobbes' Choice]

I have lived with depression and anhedonia for quite some time now. Many people would tell me that my life can still have joy, inspiration, and meaning even while depressed and anhedonic. .... I am not going to bother anymore.

You keep saying this. And yet you keep on "bothering"; bothering us by bothering to talk about yourself.

Maybe you problem is more narcissistic, and you are not getting the attention you think you deserve?

The fact is that none of us on the forum have ANY expectations of you. I do not think we care about you as much as you think we do. Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but judging from the responses you do, and do not, get I think I have it summed up.

You are free to be who and what you are, but i think you are going to run out of listeners if all you do is talk about yourself the whole time. You are just not that interesting, and there is no reason people on the Forum should give a damn about a person who does not give a damn about anyone else but themselves.

1) Get out and find something more interesting to talk about.
2) Stop labelling your self and trying to live up to those labels.

[TSBU]

I don't care how weak, cowardly, strong, or brave I am as a person.

I didn't say the oposite.

Living my life like this is nothing more than a waste of my time.

I don't know if the words in English are "oportunity cost", you are not wasting anything, to be a waste means that there is something better to spend your life on, if there isn't, it isn't a waste... and I guess suicide would be another waste.

Such a life is not worth living to me at all and I would end it right now, but am still seeking out treatment in the hopes that I can get my life back to me again.

Good luck, but, as I said, it's difficult to help you if we don't know you, and we will never know you in a forum, in internet.

(And some people here don't like others to seek for answers for their life, they find selfish to use their space and maybe catch their attention... so you'll find lot of angry answers saying "I don't have interest or time in answering, only the time needed to say that I don't have time to waste". )

:3

[Arising_uk]

...

(And some people here don't like others to seek for answers for their life, they find selfish to use their space and maybe catch their attention...

Pretty much MozartLink then.

[MozartLink]

I have lived with depression and anhedonia for quite some time now. Many people would tell me that my life can still have joy, inspiration, and meaning even while depressed and anhedonic. .... I am not going to bother anymore.

You keep saying this. And yet you keep on "bothering"; bothering us by bothering to talk about yourself.

Maybe you problem is more narcissistic, and you are not getting the attention you think you deserve?

The fact is that none of us on the forum have ANY expectations of you. I do not think we care about you as much as you think we do. Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but judging from the responses you do, and do not, get I think I have it summed up.

You are free to be who and what you are, but i think you are going to run out of listeners if all you do is talk about yourself the whole time. You are just not that interesting, and there is no reason people on the Forum should give a damn about a person who does not give a damn about anyone else but themselves.

1) Get out and find something more interesting to talk about.
2) Stop labelling your self and trying to live up to those labels.

You must understand my goal in doing this though. It is not to seek pity or sympathy. It is instead to neutralize any attacks and name calling on me. I am out to neutralize the world so to speak. By arguing against any points made by anyone else who support their position of name calling and dispresecting me and my way of life, then I am out against these people to neutralize their attacks so that it would eventually get to the point where they would finally say:

"Welp, I respect you, your way of life, and what you value. To each his own. You are free to end your life anytime and I will respect that."

So that is the atmosphere I was wanting. I was wanting respect before I choose to die. I absolutely cannot stand a disrespectful name-calling atmosphere. I wish to have the last victory before they do by neutralizing their attacks on me. I am not going to choose to die yet though. I am still seeking ways to help this.

[thedoc]

To gain respect you must earn respect, and so far you have not done so.

[TSBU]

To gain respect you must earn respect, and so far you have not done so.

That's one of the most absurd things I've heard in my life.

[Hobbes' Choice]

I have lived with depression and anhedonia for quite some time now. Many people would tell me that my life can still have joy, inspiration, and meaning even while depressed and anhedonic. .... I am not going to bother anymore.

You keep saying this. And yet you keep on "bothering"; bothering us by bothering to talk about yourself.

Maybe you problem is more narcissistic, and you are not getting the attention you think you deserve?

The fact is that none of us on the forum have ANY expectations of you. I do not think we care about you as much as you think we do. Obviously I can't speak for everyone, but judging from the responses you do, and do not, get I think I have it summed up.

You are free to be who and what you are, but i think you are going to run out of listeners if all you do is talk about yourself the whole time. You are just not that interesting, and there is no reason people on the Forum should give a damn about a person who does not give a damn about anyone else but themselves.

1) Get out and find something more interesting to talk about.
2) Stop labelling your self and trying to live up to those labels.

You must understand my goal in doing this though. It is not to seek pity or sympathy. It is instead to neutralize any attacks and name calling on me.

The best way to do that is to not post your silly narcissistic attention seeking posts.

[TSBU]

There is no way to avoid attacks, many people like to attack each other, even when you are not doing any harm and you only want respect. It's a common way of escapism.
Learn to live with them, as I said, if your life is boring but at least you feel anger, make it your goal and crush a bunch of motherfuckers in a taxi driver style

[thedoc]

To gain respect you must earn respect, and so far you have not done so.

That's one of the most absurd things I've heard in my life.

Then you must have lead a very sheltered life.

[TSBU]

To gain respect you must earn respect, and so far you have not done so.

That's one of the most absurd things I've heard in my life.

Then you must have lead a very sheltered life.

Not exactly XD I still have scars. What do you understand by respect or earn? laxe words, always laxe words.
I'm not good at English, but earn is when a person pays for what you do. It seems like you are saying something like "be useful, and people will pay you respect", that's the sheltered position in my eyes. If respect means no attacks, the only way to win respect is to have a strong defence against attacks (not forgeting that a good attack is the best defence... at least in my experience, people stop every attack when they start saying "that guy is crazy"). Slaves are very useful, and they have no respect, the guy who have the power to destroy you is not going to get any attack, even if everybody think that he is a useless idiot. That's reality. Respect? More than "respect must be earned" I would say "your territory must be defended".
But, morally, when there are not problems defining territory, what is attack, what is defence, then, everybody has my respect, as long as they don't bother me. It doesn't matter if they are useless, if they are weak, if I don't like them... as long as they don't attack, I won't attack them, they don't have to do anything, they don't have to earn anything.

The other meaning for respect is just measuring habilities, then, obviously, people has to show their habilities if they want me to accept them, but I don't see where is this guy wanting anything like that. In my eyes, he is just asking people to let him do what he wants with his own life, I respect that, for free.