The introducer of I

[TheBlitheringOne]

Hello. I've never been one that's great at getting to know another human. Normal modes of interaction seem boring to me but since it takes 2 or more to take part in comporting, I have to try to be normal...but normal I am not. I'm rather deep, always. Can't really be shallow. Especially since normal people don't consider their ways of interaction "shallow", tho they know they're far from deep.

Philosophy has confused me into thinking that I'm a philosopher because I'm weird. I'm told that I'm philosophical. I'm told that I'm overly intelligent. I doubt both but to only trust the definition of oneself by oneself is kinda foolish, eh? Perhaps who I am is who others perceive me as. I try to explain myself, but no one really gets it. I lose people. Sure, it's hilarious to me but it's laughter I save for time spent alone for to laugh at an inside joke alone while in the company of others is way too eccentric for a 33 year old to pull off.

So, it's best for you to think of me as a philosophical overthinker that tinkers away at guitar too much. Music is a love, but don't expect me to consider music in any way analogous to what you could ever expect. That would be foolish of you, fellow philosophers. We all wait around expecting for the next great unexpectable spectacle to intrigue us. This can be terrible because it seems to lead me to the point where I wonder if can be sure of anything, even uncertainty. Can Philosophy be anything more than a passing fancy...a cognizance of the observations and opinions of others?

My intentions are pure, I assure you. I'm no faker nor am I a fame-seeker. I don't want to fly in the face of fellow philosophers but it's quite obvious that I must if I'm going to go down in history as any sort of a great thinker. For the longest time, I didn't want to be anything great. But as the years wear on I realize that I have 2 options: 1. be great or 2. end up in an asylum. I convince myself every day that I'm just some normal person and then I go out in public or watch tv or read a book or anything else and the difference between me and everyone else hits me like a boulder tumbled down a mountain to trap me between itself and a hard place.

To define myself as a philosopher would be wrong because Philosophy seems foolish to me. Most of it makes no sense. It's this great complexity that some take extensive pains to understand and then it's like everyone just talks about the same stuff for centuries as if talking about issues that can't be solved is smart! Yet, the smartest of people are often philosophers, on some level. What strikes me as the oddest is that the esoteric nature of the philosopher's language helps not. Philosophy is meant to make life better, right?? Sure, we can pointlessly talk about the pointless for the sake of pointlessness but the smartest of folk ought to be the ones making life better. That seems most rational.

So, in amazing brilliance, the philosopher offers up guidance and answers in a way that can't be understood by all. Why? Because it's common for philosophers to believe that being an abstruse being is paramount to being an ideal being. Tho, like it or not, to sound smart is to be smart...but it's only one type of smart.

Another reason I struggle with calling myself a philosopher is because I don't fit into any category. We may applaud those philosophers that create new schools of thought but true genius isn't going to "create" anything. A new school of thought is an extension of the truly creative self. And, of course, many of you are aware of this already. To be different is just that: Being different. So what if I'm the type of thinker that's not too concerned with talking about what other people have already thought of? That doesn't make me special. I'd love to believe it makes me interesting, but from my lack of friends I can rationalize that it doesn't.

Earlier, I read some essays I wrote while working at a dishwashing job I had not too long ago. It was no wonder I could barely make it thru the shifts! I'm always surrounded by people that had their fill of learning by the time they graduated high school. Perhaps they went to college, but for most people college is just a way to learn the skills to complete some sort of career. You, my fellow philosophers, know exactly what I write of. I may be living in a version of poverty but I'd take the starving artist life over that standard-issue kinda life. Sure, $100,000+ a year, a trophy wife, nice house, car, etc would be nice but to be that rooted in typicallity would be like being forced to be one of those philosophers that just yammers on about the same philosophical whatevernesses as everyone else. You know...those philosophers that speak like professors instead of creative thinkers.

If someone said I was a pessimistic jerk, I wouldn't disagree with them. I can be from time to time. When one sees the world thru the lenses of a philosopher, life can seem a bit creepy. One can get depressed and lash out. No amount of Psychology will save you. You just have to force yourself out of terrible mindsets, I guess. Perhaps it's got something to do with denial. I'm not certain. I will say that I tend to laugh when I read Nietzsche. I dig him the most because he had the guts to tell everyone off in a time when everyone needed to be told off. Tho, perhaps it was rude of him to presume that people deserved to be told off.

I, an American, perceive my country as a place full of people that really need to be told off. As an abstract thinker, I can't help but wonder if what the media shows me of other countries is true. Maybe everyone's a bit full of it. Maybe I'm free of it and what I truly want is for everyone else to be free of it also. I often notice people that seem to have no knowledge of it. I envy them...for once it's in you, you may never be empty of it. Call it arrogance. Call it stupidity. Make up a word for it.

It might just be a delusion of mine. It may be a problem with me that I must infect everyone else with in an act of intellectual terrorism...for if everyone has the same problem as me, then everyone will work to fix that problem and I won't have to wrestle with my thoughts for days and days.

Or not.
I'm just joking.
I'm normal.
Completely normal.

p.s.
Also, I really fear how people respond to my comments because they often cause some bizarre reactions.

[Dalek Prime]

Trust me when I say you will be wrestling with your thoughts, not for days, but for the rest of your days... Or not. Maybe I'm just joking. (I'm not.)

BTW, bizarre comments tend to inspire bizarre reactions. Perfectly normal.

[Hobbes' Choice]

Hello. I've never been one that's great at getting to know another human. Normal modes of interaction seem boring to me but since it takes 2 or more to take part in comporting, I have to try to be normal...but normal I am not. I'm rather deep, always. Can't really be shallow. Especially since normal people don't consider their ways of interaction "shallow", tho they know they're far from deep.

Philosophy has confused me into thinking that I'm a philosopher because I'm weird. I'm told that I'm philosophical. I'm told that I'm overly intelligent. I doubt both but to only trust the definition of oneself by oneself is kinda foolish, eh? Perhaps who I am is who others perceive me as. I try to explain myself, but no one really gets it. I lose people. Sure, it's hilarious to me but it's laughter I save for time spent alone for to laugh at an inside joke alone while in the company of others is way too eccentric for a 33 year old to pull off.
.

Did you go to college, and what did you study and when?

It seems to me that the Western World is full of people whose job cannot satisfy their intellectual capacity, and by the time they reach 30+ they are now in a position to begin to realise a few things about the world they have been led to believe exists.
Naturally enough this world falls far short of what is actually going on.
Mid thirties angst of this kind is quite common especially amongst men, or those who do not have a massive hands-on involvement with children. Women find kids satisfying enough to match some kind of "raison d vivre", in many cases. But the time and attention kids need usually gives them little time to ponder.

It's part of a wider malady of the modern world which has evolved a thinking person, which now has a much longer life-span that s/he was evolved to cope with, and those years that were previously caught up in work and effort to stay alive and now met with leisure time.