It was only a matter of Time before I made an appearance

[God]

It's not as if I don't have plenty to do... Actually I don't... Giving Man free will took a lot off My Hands... but I've been following some of the Theist - Atheist threads on this forum and I thought it might be time to introduce Myself into mix.

Now, I don't pretend to understand Philosophy, in the same way some of you pretend to understand Me, but I have to take issue with some of the less reasoned arguments in these threads. I feel like someOne needs to step into the ring when an idiot invites others to intellectually kick him to the ground, and then as he lies there bleeding, covered not just in his own vomit but that of his attackers, he invites them to kick him some more, simply by continuing to argue like an idiot. I feel that occasionally someone needs to referee proceedings. Why not Me...?

Whilst the USA and The Middle East seem to be taking up a lot of My attention, it suits Me to pay the occasional visit to this forum as interactive subject matter. Feel free to ask Me anything. I can't promise an answer that won't dance in mysterious ways, littered with typos, but I should imagine, you philospohers are used to that by now. To be honest I might not answer at all... You Theists know I'm talking about, right?... But if it suits Me, I will endeavour to reply. As is the case with many of you.

I shall apologise for the typos in advance. This never happened with the inked quill. I invented birds specifically with the intention that quills would never become obsolete. Who'd have thought, eh?!!

[Dalek Prime]

You have shit timing. I'm busy. Now piss off.

[henry quirk]

If you (God) and Cthulhu got into a fight, who would win?

Is Satan really the smarty-farty bastard he seems to be, or does he just get bad press?

What's your favorite color?

Why does my soul itch?

[Dalek Prime]

If you (God) and Cthulhu got into a fight, who would win?

Is Satan really the smarty-farty bastard he seems to be, or does he just get bad press?

What's your favorite color?

Why does my soul itch?

According to Bob, your soul itches due to Satan's dry cleaning service. Too much starch, perhaps.

[henry quirk]

HA!

Mebbe Bob is on to sumthin'.

[Dalek Prime]

Maybe Bob's on something, yeah.

[uwot]

Hello, God. How very du jour of you. Can we henceforth assume that any burning bush is just a bush on fire?

[thedoc]

[/Quote]It was only a matter of Time before I made an appearance
by God[/quote]

Good, Now that you've made your grand entrance, Piss OFF, we certainly don't need another "Holier-than-thou, authoritarian, know-it-all, telling us the way things are, as if you knew in the first place. I would guess you're just as much in the dark as the rest of us. If no-one else will, I will at least tell you where to stick your opinions, where the sun don't shine, at least till you relieve your constipation.

Henry, if your soul itches, use some preparation H.

Dalek, send some to Bob, but label it as toothpaste, he probably won't know the difference.

[uwot]

You have shit timing. I'm busy. Now piss off.

Great sense of irony, Dalek Prime; the idea that God is personally concerned about your individual circumstances typifies the narcissism at the core of all notions of a personal 'god'.

[uwot]

Good, Now that you've made your grand entrance, Piss OFF, we certainly don't need another "Holier-than-thou, authoritarian, know-it-all, telling us the way things are, as if you knew in the first place.

Doc, as I understand it, you actually believe in god. Do you think that god has communicated with humans before? If so, how? Would you believe a story, told a few thousand years from now, about how god communicated his or her intentions to the world via the internet? Would anyone?

[thedoc]

Good, Now that you've made your grand entrance, Piss OFF, we certainly don't need another "Holier-than-thou, authoritarian, know-it-all, telling us the way things are, as if you knew in the first place.

Doc, as I understand it, you actually believe in god. Do you think that god has communicated with humans before? If so, how? Would you believe a story, told a few thousand years from now, about how god communicated his or her intentions to the world via the internet? Would anyone?

You are right, I do believe in God, but I accept that there is no proof that can be held up to show everyone. Actually I accept that God may have communicated with other people all over the world, and just hasn't told us, or perhaps God has and many narrow-minded people refuse to accept it. Who am I to question God's methods or motives? However given that, I am reluctant to believe that God would post on a forum in such a cheap, carnival barker style as this. I would expect a much more subtle communication, or even a direct communication to the individual, but that's just me. I'm sure God has his own ideas about how to communicate with others, so far I just don't accept these.

[Lacewing]

Feel free to ask Me anything.

How many fingers am I holding up?

[uwot]

...I am reluctant to believe that God would post on a forum in such a cheap, carnival barker style as this. I would expect a much more subtle communication, or even a direct communication to the individual, but that's just me. I'm sure God has his own ideas about how to communicate with others, so far I just don't accept these.

So you will only accept evidence of God that fits your own description of God. What evidence of a non-thedoc approved god would persuade you? I don't know of any written tradition of God that doesn't include an episode of God appearing as a carnival barker. If you know different, I'd love to hear it.

[God]

You have shit timing. I'm busy. Now piss off.

Busy? That's a shame... One less idiot to deal with.

"Now piss off"? I have an indifferent atheist engaging with me... It would just be plain rude to ignore him. Who knows he may just be won over by my charm and wit. I find wrath tends to lose an audience. Maybe you still have yet to find that out, Dalek Prime.

Moving swiftly on....

If you (God) and Cthulhu got into a fight, who would win?

Is Satan really the smarty-farty bastard he seems to be, or does he just get bad press?

What's your favorite color?

Why does my soul itch?

Taking your questions point by point:

Cthulhu and I wouldn't get into a fight. He's fictitious, an invention of Lovecraft, and I'm not... but let's say it was possible.... Well, of course I'd win! I don't care how large Cthulu is or how many tentacles he has, you can't wrestle 'He who is without form' to the ground. There's nothing to grip on to. In an intellectual fight? That would have to be Me again. To be honest, I'm not given to fighting as such, that's more what My followers seem to do in My name. If someone pisses Me off, My formless self simply casts them out. Adam and Eve... Cast out of Eden... Lucifer... Cast out of Heaven... Dalek Prime... Not worth the trouble, really.

It's been a while since I've been asked to comment on Satan. Such a troubled figure, much like Hamlet. Both full of contempt and out for revenge. So beautiful too, incredibly persuasive, very "smarty-farty", with teeth to match. Imagine Roger Moore, as an integer. Satan's beauty quantified can only be described as 'Roger Moore to the power of Roger Moore', that's how much of a beautiful, smooth bugger Satan was. Yes, there's been bad press... but I have a feeling Satan rather indulges it. He is misunderstood and much maligned, and a real pain in My formless arse, but without him the world could not be set to rights.

I have no favourite colour. Just like I have no favourite religion. They're all much of a muchness but if I really had to choose I'd say 'grandasmantis'... Oh wait, you can only see the electromagnetic spectrum you have absolutely no idea what 'grandasmantis' 'looks' (or tastes) like.

Your soul itches because you are lucky enough to have one! Some people are totally devoid of one!

Now that you've made your grand entrance, Piss OFF, we certainly don't need another "Holier-than-thou, authoritarian, know-it-all, telling us the way things are.... If no-one else will, I will at least tell you where to stick your opinions, where the sun don't shine, at least till you relieve your constipation.

I wouldn't describe myself as "holier than thou", just Holy. I welcome you telling me your opinions and look forward to you sharing your extensivly intimate experience and knowledge of "where the sun don't shine" before I consign My opinions there... but what on earth brings you to the conclusion I am constipated??? Many of My opinions formed in the void of the absence of light and to be honest I found eternity without light to have a somewhat restful nature... It just became so boring. Mind you, if you become just as boring, as the way you express yourself seems to be suggesting, retiring to "where the sun don't shine" might well be a welcome vacation spot from you.

Hello, God. How very du jour of you. Can we henceforth assume that any burning bush is just a bush on fire?

Hello uwot. And yes... only to satisfy current health and safety practise. I think in future, if I have to manifest Myself in any sentient form, it would probably be as a West End musical.

... I am reluctant to believe that God would post on a forum in such a cheap, carnival barker style as this. I would expect a much more subtle communication, or even a direct communication to the individual, but that's just me. I'm sure God has his own ideas about how to communicate with others, so far I just don't accept these.

Oh ye of little faith! Perhaps you'd prefer that I private message you? There will always be opinions as to how I do, or should do, things. Whilst so many believe in Me, they disagree in ways they see as fundamental. There will always be dissent in the guise of righteousness. I despair to see how the greatest of My creatures has failed to unify their faith in Me. I'd say the last best attempt was made by Mughal Emperor Akbar, who unsuccessfully tried to do it, in 16th century India.

The majority of the participants of this forum seem to follow suit in their determination to disagree.

[God]

Feel free to ask Me anything.

How many fingers am I holding up?

I can only assume you are giving me THE finger...