What would be important for you to do before dying ?

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ken
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Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by ken » Sun Jun 25, 2017 1:21 pm

Learning how to be understood is important for me before this body stops breathing.

marjoram_blues
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Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2015 12:50 pm

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by marjoram_blues » Sun Jun 25, 2017 1:54 pm

ken wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 1:21 pm
Learning how to be understood is important for me before this body stops breathing.
And how to find peace if misunderstood?
Your post reminded me of the Prayer of St. Francis.

Basically, the focus shifts: To understand v to be understood.
To actively bring peace; love; hope; consolation...compared to hate; despair; sadness.

So, it takes at least two. Someone who wants to be understood, needs the understanding of another.

And how do we reach understanding...by experience and careful listening. And ability to communicate clearly and honestly.
Not so hard you would think...
Only a lifetime's work...and even then...
One worry is finding the right words, especially to the dying. Some understand without words. Sometimes a hug is enough. Some don't want to be touched. It is knowing the person and relating - so as to maximise peace/healing - minimise hurt and harm.
We can only do our best.

What is it you want people to understand?

Skip
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Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:34 pm

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by Skip » Sun Jun 25, 2017 5:28 pm

Clean up your room.

Not just the random crap that lands in the desk drawers, or the defunct electronics in the top shelf of the closet, or the bin of unfashionable clothes you thought you'd fit into again if you could just stick to a diet... I mean the 'sent' emails in which you complained to a friend about your spouse, and the stash of pills you were supposed to take for high blood-pressure (Aha! I knew it would be a stroke one of these days.) and the presents you pretended to like, and then hid away, the aborted fiction attempts in which your family would instantly recognize themselves.

I want to get rid of all the stuff that would hurt the people I Ieave behind; make them unhappy, or guilty or angry or uncomfortable.
Besides, they shouldn't have to clean up after me.
So, I'd better get busy, huh?

marjoram_blues
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Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2015 12:50 pm

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by marjoram_blues » Sun Jun 25, 2017 6:43 pm

Skip wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 5:28 pm
Clean up your room.

Not just the random crap that lands in the desk drawers, or the defunct electronics in the top shelf of the closet, or the bin of unfashionable clothes you thought you'd fit into again if you could just stick to a diet... I mean the 'sent' emails in which you complained to a friend about your spouse, and the stash of pills you were supposed to take for high blood-pressure (Aha! I knew it would be a stroke one of these days.) and the presents you pretended to like, and then hid away, the aborted fiction attempts in which your family would instantly recognize themselves.

I want to get rid of all the stuff that would hurt the people I Ieave behind; make them unhappy, or guilty or angry or uncomfortable.
Besides, they shouldn't have to clean up after me.
So, I'd better get busy, huh?
:lol:

As always, you hit the nail on the head.

I've been clearing stuff out for years and still have mountains of it, including some 'inherited'.
It can be an overwhelming nightmare. But I've read all the space and energy-clearing advice and know all the Theory. It's just a case of putting it into Practice.

I seem always to have this concern about what people would think, or how they would manage to find the relevant 'papers'...
Once before going away on a trip, I wrote a letter - detailing everything, including bank accounts.
It would be kinda nice - probably - to leave a few thoughtful notes to counterbalance any 'rubbishy' ones.

I've just finished a continual clear-out at M&D's. Tough going. But all necessary paperwork in order. Now, it's just a case of the furniture pick-up and the sale to go through.
It's amazing the memories kept...all good. They must have had a pre-clear-out clear-out :wink:

I can't imagine you being hurtful, Skip.
Your writing - if it reflects your self and I'm sure it does - is sheer refreshing light. With only a few sharp jabs at those who deserve it...along with sure-footed warm humour.
There now, have I counter-balanced any of my meanies ?

Skip
Posts: 2224
Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:34 pm

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by Skip » Sun Jun 25, 2017 7:34 pm

There now, have I counter-balanced any of my meanies ?
Big credit balance.
Which reminds me - if the other one and I decide to check out together and take the cats along - we might borrow a nice big whack of mad money against *our property. After all, what would those middle-aged suburban kids want with a ramshackle house in back of nowhere?

(*whups! For the last couple of hours, that read "against your property" - which I wouldn't - honest!)

We do still have some of my mother's weaving, though we've incorporated or given away everything else. The Persian rugs look great on walls, but the fabrics have been sitting in a box for ten years; all that craft and effort, wasted. I finally decided to make a poncho. Turned out okay. Too bad I can only wear it around the house - since I can't whistle anymore, people might just take me for an ordinary dork.... unless... I find the hat...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-k_BW8iLkk
Last edited by Skip on Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Dubious
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Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by Dubious » Sun Jun 25, 2017 10:42 pm

...thinking about it for as long as I can before dying.

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Greta
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Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by Greta » Sun Jun 25, 2017 11:41 pm

Skip wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 5:28 pm
I want to get rid of all the stuff that would hurt the people I Ieave behind; make them unhappy, or guilty or angry or uncomfortable.
Besides, they shouldn't have to clean up after me.
It's a chore to clean up dead family's stuff but it's also interesting, giving you a little more insight into the private layers of the person. Perhaps it's a matter of being organised so that family can at least quickly find the things they need or things you want them to have/see/read.

thedoc
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Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by thedoc » Mon Jun 26, 2017 2:13 am

marjoram_blues wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 6:43 pm
Skip wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 5:28 pm
Clean up your room.
As always, you hit the nail on the head.
My wife and I had been talking for years about what to do with all the stuff we had accumulated. Then it was all taken care of for us, our house burned down with everything in it, it was a total loss except for a few things that were not in the house. We got to start over and only buy the things we really wanted, and it would have worked except that in our new house I had included a very large attic, and the one child saw it as a large storage space. They are thinking of adding a 2nd floor to their house which is small (about 900sf) and expanding it to just about 2000 sf, (about the size of my attic).

marjoram_blues
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Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2015 12:50 pm

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by marjoram_blues » Mon Jun 26, 2017 9:51 am

thedoc wrote:
Mon Jun 26, 2017 2:13 am
marjoram_blues wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 6:43 pm
Skip wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 5:28 pm
Clean up your room.
As always, you hit the nail on the head.
My wife and I had been talking for years about what to do with all the stuff we had accumulated. Then it was all taken care of for us, our house burned down with everything in it, it was a total loss except for a few things that were not in the house. We got to start over and only buy the things we really wanted, and it would have worked except that in our new house I had included a very large attic, and the one child saw it as a large storage space. They are thinking of adding a 2nd floor to their house which is small (about 900sf) and expanding it to just about 2000 sf, (about the size of my attic).
Yes, I remember you talking about that devastating time. It's great you got to start over and attics do come in far too handy.
I am happy to say that my own attic is empty. I have attacophobia.

I think some of my holding on to things is about Fear. Fear of wasting or going without at some future date. I wonder what the most common thing is that people store as a 'just incase'.
Friends tell me of duvets - which they would actually never use again. Far better to give away. Also, electrical items - having bought the latest version - grills or laptops. I have several laptops which gave up the ghost - but can't get rid of them, because I don't know what is 'stored' there. It costs about £75 each for a 'puter specialist to go look see.

Ah well, the tidy up season begins - one bag at a time...

marjoram_blues
Posts: 1630
Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2015 12:50 pm

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by marjoram_blues » Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:01 am

Skip wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 7:34 pm
There now, have I counter-balanced any of my meanies ?
Big credit balance.
Which reminds me - if the other one and I decide to check out together and take the cats along - we might borrow a nice big whack of mad money against *our property. After all, what would those middle-aged suburban kids want with a ramshackle house in back of nowhere?

(*whups! For the last couple of hours, that read "against your property" - which I wouldn't - honest!)

We do still have some of my mother's weaving, though we've incorporated or given away everything else. The Persian rugs look great on walls, but the fabrics have been sitting in a box for ten years; all that craft and effort, wasted. I finally decided to make a poncho. Turned out okay. Too bad I can only wear it around the house - since I can't whistle anymore, people might just take me for an ordinary dork.... unless... I find the hat...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-k_BW8iLkk
Before I start my tidy-up...( nothing like a bit of distraction)...
Loving the big credit balance and the Clint. It had to be him.
You know it's strange but when I first read your post, I could have sworn you included me in the check out plan. I'm kinda disappointed we all can't go blazing into a supernatural, rose-tinted sunset together...
Wouldn't it be lovely to plan the exact moment of leaving this world, having squeezed every last drop of juice out of it.

These days to have your own house is wonderful - but if you get so that you need end-of-life-care, sometimes ( depending on criteria ) it needs to be sold. Most aren't happy about that...

marjoram_blues
Posts: 1630
Joined: Sat Mar 28, 2015 12:50 pm

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by marjoram_blues » Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:03 am

Dubious wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 10:42 pm
...thinking about it for as long as I can before dying.
'it' ?

ken
Posts: 2032
Joined: Mon May 09, 2016 4:14 am

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by ken » Mon Jun 26, 2017 11:24 am

marjoram_blues wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 1:54 pm
ken wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 1:21 pm
Learning how to be understood is important for me before this body stops breathing.
And how to find peace if misunderstood?
Your post reminded me of the Prayer of St. Francis.

Basically, the focus shifts: To understand v to be understood.
To actively bring peace; love; hope; consolation...compared to hate; despair; sadness.

So, it takes at least two. Someone who wants to be understood, needs the understanding of another.

And how do we reach understanding...by experience and careful listening. And ability to communicate clearly and honestly.
Not so hard you would think...
Only a lifetime's work...and even then...
One worry is finding the right words, especially to the dying. Some understand without words. Sometimes a hug is enough. Some don't want to be touched. It is knowing the person and relating - so as to maximise peace/healing - minimise hurt and harm.
We can only do our best.

What is it you want people to understand?
That, as an adult, you are totally responsible for how you behave and misbehave, and if you are truly honest and open about the wrong behavior along with seriously willing to change, for the better, then you will be enlightened to those answers you are seeking as well as obtain that what you started out truly wanting in life.

Skip
Posts: 2224
Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2011 1:34 pm

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by Skip » Mon Jun 26, 2017 6:22 pm

marjoram_blues wrote:
Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:01 am
I'm kinda disappointed we all can't go blazing into a supernatural, rose-tinted sunset together...
Wouldn't it be lovely to plan the exact moment of leaving this world, having squeezed every last drop of juice out of it.
There's a bozo in a big white house, eastern edge of the US, might be arranging that for all of us.
These days to have your own house is wonderful - but if you get so that you need end-of-life-care, sometimes ( depending on criteria ) it needs to be sold. Most aren't happy about that...
Our best friend - in fact the only friend we still have in the area - is 85 and has decided to put her house on the market. We knew it was coming: she has macular degeneration in both eyes and won't be able to drive much longer. We've been talking about an apartment in our nearest small city, which is affordable, senior-friendly and has a pretty good hospital. She told us last week that she's looking at a seniors' complex in London. Moving close to her youngest daughter and grandchild, to an attractive city with our best regional health-care facilities and more public amenities makes sense. The place they're considering has a section of independent apartments and a section with full care, its own shuttle bus, cafeteria and organized activities.
Wal, yeah, we get it.... but it's a 2 1/2 hour drive!

Her house was custom built in 1995 (same year we moved in across the road) It's a terrific 3-bedroom bungalow, with outbuildings, full finished basement, double garage, patio, ramp and hot tub, on top of a hill, on 50 acres of hardwood and meadow, on a well-maintained highway. Interested?

duszek
Posts: 2145
Joined: Wed Jun 03, 2009 5:27 pm
Location: Thin Air

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by duszek » Mon Jun 26, 2017 6:35 pm

I would like to live in such a facility myself. :D
It´s like a boarding school or a cruise-ship. You get to know lots of people, you can gossip (if you like it). My friend works in a facility like this and it is hard work for him but the pensioners there ?

What´s important for me is the cooking. I develop my own dishes continuously. Being deprived of this would be unbearable.

Dubious
Posts: 1460
Joined: Tue May 19, 2015 7:40 am

Re: What would be important for you to do before dying ?

Post by Dubious » Mon Jun 26, 2017 6:35 pm

marjoram_blues wrote:
Mon Jun 26, 2017 10:03 am
Dubious wrote:
Sun Jun 25, 2017 10:42 pm
...thinking about it for as long as I can before dying.
'it' ?
Just a smart alec remark of mine; Harbal does it better!

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