Got any good jokes?

[Walker]

Guy gets run over by a driverless truck.

The truck doesn’t slow down.
It keeps right on going.

A horrified onlooker runs to the man’s aid.

Before he can get there, the man sits up, right in the middle of the street.
Not only is he alive, he is cursing and shaking his fist.

With his horror turning to amazement, the helper says,
“Laddy! You are one tough Scot! Are you Clan MacGregor?”

And the angry man shouts,
“I’m a philosopher! Did you see the number on that concept that ran me down?”

[ForCruxSake]

There are real traffic laws governing the right-of-way at a 4 way stop. My comment was a joke but apparently that went right over your head. ...

Jokes contain truth in them, we have no such joke like that over here. Given you kill 40,000 people a year over there I think you need to refresh your drivers knowledge of the rules.

Perhaps you are just built too low to the ground. Try standing up once in a while, you shouldn't crawl on your belly all the time.

I'm crushed - boo hoo.

Time for another joke that might be relevant here*...

Werner Heisenberg, Kurt Gödel and Noam Chomsky walk into a bar.
Heisenberg turns to others and says, "Clearly this is a joke, we've walked into, but how can we figure out if it's funny or not?"
Gödel says,"We can't know that because we are inside the joke."
Chomsky says,"Of course it's funny, you're just telling it wrong."

(...*or not. I'm still catching up with the reading that explains it!)

[ForCruxSake]

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a blue collar worker?
Ask them to read out the word 'unionised'.

[Immanuel Can]

[quote="ForCruxSake"]

Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm are travelling down the highway.

They get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving, and the policeman says to him "Do you know how fast you were going? You were doing 60 in a 30 zone." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Oh, great! Now I don't know where I am!"

The policeman thinks this is suspicious, and he orders him to open the boot. He looks in it, and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
Schrodinger yells, "We do now, jerk!"

The policeman decides to arrest them. But Ohm resists.

[Immanuel Can]

Here's one for False Cause Fallacy.


A woman goes to her doctor and says, "Doctor, every time I drink tea my right eye hurts."

He says, "Take the spoon out of the cup."

[thedoc]

A man says to his doctor, "It hurts when I do this."
The doctor says, "Don't do that."

[thedoc]

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a blue collar worker?
Ask them to read out the word 'unionised'.

I don't get it, and I found the misspelling.

[ForCruxSake]

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a blue collar worker?
Ask them to read out the word 'unionised'.

I don't get it, and I found the misspelling.

Chemist would read 'un-ion-ised'
Blue collar worker 'union-ised' (as he might belong to a labour union)

(Is the misspelling the 's' where you fellas would put the 'z', in 'unionised'?)

[thedoc]

(Is the misspelling the 's' where you fellas would put the 'z', in 'unionised'?)

That's what my computer says, and it spells better than I do.

[Vendetta]

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, Monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?

[Melchior]

When I go to Africa, I have to be careful about what I eat.

Sometimes I Ethiopia, and then I falafel.

[ForCruxSake]

(Is the misspelling the 's' where you fellas would put the 'z', in 'unionised'?)

That's what my computer says, and it spells better than I do.

Then it misspells English 'better' than I do, for what you have correctly written is American, not English.

[ForCruxSake]

Why do some mathematicians go 'trick or treat'ing on Christmas Day?
Because they know 31 oct = 25 dec .

[thedoc]

Why do some mathematicians go 'trick or treat'ing on Christmas Day?
Because they know 31 oct = 25 dec .

How is that?

[thedoc]

Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan were laying on the beach at Malibu watching the moon, and Lindsay asked, "I wonder which is farther away, Miami or the Moon?" Britney answered, "Duh! I can see the Moon, Can you see Miami?"