Random giggles...

[Dalek Prime]

Does your dog bite?

No.

Ahhh! I thought you said your dog doesn't bite?

That's not my dog.

[thedoc]

My dog doesn't have a nose.

How does it smell?

Awful.

[duszek]

Every dog bites a sausage.

[bobevenson]

Every dog bites a sausage.

Only if it's a hot dog.

[Dalek Prime]

That'll be three bob on the clock, mate.

Right! Here's a pound for your trouble!

I ain't got no trouble mate.

You have now mate! That pound's a forgery!

[Lacewing]

An Irish Pub Joke...

An Irish man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door he tries to stand up, and yet again, falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength and tries one final time to stand.

It's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting.

'So... you've been out drinking again!'

'How did you know?' he asks, his head hung in shame.

'The pub called-- you left your damn wheelchair down there again!'

[Dalek Prime]

An Irish Pub Joke...

An Irish man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door he tries to stand up, and yet again, falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength and tries one final time to stand.

It's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting.

'So... you've been out drinking again!'

'How did you know?' he asks, his head hung in shame.

'The pub called-- you left your damn wheelchair down there again!'

Nice one , Lace! Lol!

Guy gets convinced to stay at a bar with his friend, despite his waiting wife at home. Has a few more, and vomits down his shirt. So his friend slips him a twenty for the cleaning, which he presents later to his wife, saying his friend vomited on him, and gave him the money to make amends. To appease his wife, he also presents an extra twenty, which the wife inquires what that was for. 'Oh, he shit my pants as well'.

[Philosophy Explorer]

A drunk goes into a bar, sits down on the stool and orders a drink. Next he says to the bartender "Hey bartender, I bet you another drink I can bite my right eye." The bartender takes a look at him, and makes the bet. The drunk removes his false teeth and bites his right eye. Then he says to the bartender "Hey bartender, I bet you another drink I can bite my left eye and I won't remove my teeth to do it." The bartender thinks "this I have to see" and makes the bet. The drunk proceeds to unscrew his left eye and bites on it with his teeth!

PhilX

[vegetariantaxidermy]

An Irish Pub Joke...

An Irish man has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So our man stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up but again falls flat on his face. He crawls home. Reaching the door he tries to stand up, and yet again, falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches his bed he summons the last of his strength and tries one final time to stand.

It's no use. He tumbles into bed and is soon sound asleep, only to awaken the next morning to the sound of his wife standing over him shouting.

'So... you've been out drinking again!'

'How did you know?' he asks, his head hung in shame.

'The pub called-- you left your damn wheelchair down there again!'

I love it. Definitely an Irish joke.

[uwot]

Ah, racist jokes. Here's my favourite:
A country squire in Suffolk decided to extend the hand of friendship to the Americans at the local airbase. He invited 6 pilots for brandy and cigars, adding "Please don't send any Jews." On the appointed day he opened the door to 6 black Americans.
"Oh!" he said, " I think there has been a mistake."
"No sir," said one, "Captain Cohen doesn't make mistakes."

[Dalek Prime]

Ah, racist jokes. Here's my favourite:
A country squire in Suffolk decided to extend the hand of friendship to the Americans at the local airbase. He invited 6 pilots for brandy and cigars, adding "Please don't send any Jews." On the appointed day he opened the door to 6 black Americans.
"Oh!" he said, " I think there has been a mistake."
"No sir," said one, "Captain Cohen doesn't make mistakes."

He he!