Fat guy writes about fitness

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The Voice of Time
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Joined: Tue Feb 28, 2012 5:18 pm
Location: Norway

Fat guy writes about fitness

Post by The Voice of Time »

Yo, I'm a fat person. Like properly fat, not big boned, no, I got a biiiig belly up front. Ironically, I wrote a 56 stanzas long comedic fantasy poem about fitness and snoring which I hoped to share with you. Well, here it is:
The Snore and the Roar

1.
Once upon a time,
from the skies to a place
There was this motherfucker god,
With giant nostrils on his face!

2.
Oufh! This god!
He was a terror of houses!
In the middle of the nights,
he wakes up all the spouses!

3.
But there's a tale of his ending,
startin' right now!
Because this motherfuckin' god,
Today ain't but a cow!

4.
Our tale begins with poverty,
and one of its daughters
Born out of a butcher,
those men who work the slaughters!

5.
A brilliant kid it is,
cursed though it is
Because this motherfuckin' butcher,
Snored such loud her ears could never miss!

6.
And this thunder of the nights,
this incredible roaring
It drove her to insanity!
And it made her life so incredibly boring...

7.
But once upon our time
and once upon our place
This little girl to insanity driven
No longer looked upon that bastards face!

8.
She rebelled to the world,
and to those gods in the skies
And she vowed to finish one of them,
that motherfuckin' god making cries!


9.
It was the god of the thunder,
the god of the roars
The god who in the night
Made all those fat-necked people snore!

10.
This snore-God was worshipped,
for mercy mostly
But evil, playful and taunting
All efforts to avoid him failed grossly!

11.
So our little poor girl,
brilliant and heroic
Thought to fight this god,
with the great mind of a Stoic!

12.
She knew a story
of a snore-God priest
A female of great legend
Whose where is known the least!

13.
But great courage!
An amazing thing to witness!
Even from naïvety
Hope also - brings fitness!

14.
Brilliant mind of ideas
Sometimes there's solutions
Our hero discovers hers
Witnessing dellusions!

15.
Because at her village and her home,
right beside the well
A crowd shouted: "witches!
Burn you all in hell!"

16.
And lookin' at this crowd,
our girl thought to herself
"If those poor women be witches,
I must be an elf!"





17.
But sarcasm aside:
when the crowd did disappear
She realized the priestess
wouldn't be here!

18.
No city, no town, no village
nowhere on the countryside
Because a pagan priestess,
She's a witch in disguise!

19.
So where is this hiding?
Now what could it be?
Well the only thing left:
is a cave, a lodge or maybe a tree!

20.
And in the stories of the priestess,
of the god of snores
She's at mountains and wilderness
where she catch boars!

21.
And the boars are in the north
Mountains in the west
And our snoring father is here
So there may be best!

22.
She travelled mighty far
Working along the way
Until she came so far,
all the people she met were gay!

23.
Gay as in joy of course,
you all knew that!
And dare not now envision,
people more than chat!

24.
No the people were cool,
profoundly fond of mushrooms!
They ate it for their minds,
spiting wisdom of classrooms!





25.
But then she thought of this place:
"here could be a priestess!"
This place of drunks and idiots
Where the sheriff could lay with witches!

26.
And she asked and she asked
For knowledge and for rumours
On the priestess who could,
from our ears remove these tumours!

27.
These tumours we all know,
as this snore-god of old
his evil in bedrooms,
making our ears beggin' to be sold!

28.
And indeed there was a witch there,
who had paid some visits
It was some hundred years ago
A time before the bigots!

29.
The witch said: "It was,
the age of mythology!"
"But for my poor memory,
please take my apology!"

30.
But the girl she inquired,
and still learned so much
Finding out about an altar,
in the mountains where some rivers touch!

31.
And she ascended snowy rocks,
the skies lit with colours
And on that holy place
"Oh my! Sacrificed flowers!"

32.
Clear it was to our girl,
the priestess recently here
"Oh, sluggish steps in the snow!
But who knows, leads where!?"





33.
Then the steps led to a cave
Inside there's a structure
A fountain and a garden
And in the middle an armoured sculpture!

34.
Then the priestess arrived
A hugely fat woman at night
With a flowery crown on her head,
eyes shining bright!

35.
And when the little girl told
terrified the woman became
Of what the girl's quest was,
and her anger and her aim!

36.
Terror struck the priestess
She favoured sleep above all!
And if the snore-God be challenged,
it could mean war!

37.
It would be hellish for all
War upon the Gods' sheep!
And for her mostly,
she would never get any sleep!

38.
Because how does one become,
a priestess of the snore?
Well, just imagine this of a god
Cursing somebody a snoring whore!

39.
And this snoring whore,
had cried out for the cure!
To have a nice night
The god answering: "be pure!"

40.
So she pleaded with the god,
and made him her deity!
And in a rare exchange,
he showed here some pity!





41.
But our hero and our girl,
listening to this coward
Convinced the long-time pious
That the snore-god be overpowered!

42.
And to find the god's weakness
She was replied by the priestess,
"My new young ally,
what he hates, is fitness!"

43.
Thinking about the world
An idea was then born
A rally for the people,
at the sound of the horn!

44.
For people rallied for exercise!
A revolution for throats!
Running instead of riding!
Swimming instead of boats!

45.
People smiled and felt some joy
Their nights having been quieter
Running next to each other,
together being a rioter!

46.
But the god became mighty angry,
and the god cursed the folk
But to the people only laziness
appelling feelings did evoke

47.
So witnessing his powerlessness,
Witnessing the end of his days
He sought out this little girl
Who now was a woman of age

48.
He descended from the skies,
while she tended her new kid
And with those giant nostrils,
pretty scarrier than squid!





49.
He posed vaguely human'n'horrific,
As much a monster as he possibly could
But of the nostrils she only laughed
And he greatly misunderstood

50.
His fucked-up face angered
and to our woman he said:
"I am here to enslave!"
And the woman was not misled

51.
But acquaintance with the north
it'd proved mighty essential
'Cause those happy witches
Gave her somethin' substantial!

52.
And bravery is never lost once gained,
and so it should be
And with the help of witchcraft,
our woman shall free!

53.
She took out a wand,
and said helding it towards the skies
"Watch out little god,
because I have here a prize!"

54.
She continued: "It's the prize,
of the good and of wellness,
it's a prize against you
to make you helpless!"

55.
But he spited her threats
Growling at her hands
Lumbering at her dangerously
Shaking earth and lands!

56.
"Your hour", she said
"It's up and your done"
Then with a swing of the wand
He's now the front of a bull run!
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